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My wife and I moved from L.A. to Palm Desert three years ago, and it hasn't turned out the way I expected.
We've been to the desert before on short vacations, but living here year-round is a miserable experience. I hate the summers. The heat is oppressive and relentless. I'm in the middle of my third summer here, and finally reached my breaking point the other day when it was 122 degrees.
I would like to move back to LA, but wife is happy here (she works from home, has a bigger social network, and doesn't mind the heat.). Anytime I bring up moving, it turns into a big argument. She wants to stay. We are in our late 30's, so I can't imagine living here the rest of my life.
I'm thinking of moving by myself, getting a small apartment in the city, and coming out to the desert on weekends. I really don't want to live apart from my wife, but how can I continue to live someplace where I absolutely despise the weather for half the year?
I'm less active here than I used to be, and I know it's affecting my physical and mental health. I don't like gyms, I like to exercise outdoors. And sorry, but I just don't feel like going for a run when it's 120 degrees outside.
I feel trapped. I didn't know what I was getting into and I didn't know how permanent it would be.
Instead of getting an apartment in LA, I would be tempted to do the same thing in the San Diego area. The commute is about the same, but I would think the cost and air quality would be better.
You explained what she doesn't mind about Palm Desert, but what is it she likes about it?
My wife and I moved from L.A. to Palm Desert three years ago, and it hasn't turned out the way I expected.
We've been to the desert before on short vacations, but living here year-round is a miserable experience. I hate the summers. The heat is oppressive and relentless. I'm in the middle of my third summer here, and finally reached my breaking point the other day when it was 122 degrees.
I would like to move back to LA, but wife is happy here (she works from home, has a bigger social network, and doesn't mind the heat.). Anytime I bring up moving, it turns into a big argument. She wants to stay. We are in our late 30's, so I can't imagine living here the rest of my life.
I'm thinking of moving by myself, getting a small apartment in the city, and coming out to the desert on weekends. I really don't want to live apart from my wife, but how can I continue to live someplace where I absolutely despise the weather for half the year?
I'm less active here than I used to be, and I know it's affecting my physical and mental health. I don't like gyms, I like to exercise outdoors. And sorry, but I just don't feel like going for a run when it's 120 degrees outside.
I feel trapped. I didn't know what I was getting into and I didn't know how permanent it would be.
Any advice?
If I were your wife, it would alarm me that you would be willing to live apart from me most of the time.
I do understand her quality of life issue, with the smaller town and easier commute. Plenty of people live in oppressively hot climates. Can you not alter your workout routine to exercise indoors?
If both of you don't make some concessions, you're just gonna end up in a standoff and your marriage will quickly go downhill.
She likes that it's a smaller town, less traffic, easy to get around...
Ok. So you and her need to find a compromise between the oppressive heat of Palm Desert and big city LA. There are a lot of places between those two (not necessarily geographically) to consider.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
If I were your wife, it would alarm me that you would be willing to live apart from me most of the time.
Yep. And if I were your wife, I would say "If you're so miserable you're willing to go to that extreme, let's think about other towns that meet both of our wants."
My wife and I moved from L.A. to Palm Desert three years ago, and it hasn't turned out the way I expected.
We've been to the desert before on short vacations, but living here year-round is a miserable experience. I hate the summers. The heat is oppressive and relentless. I'm in the middle of my third summer here, and finally reached my breaking point the other day when it was 122 degrees.
I would like to move back to LA, but wife is happy here (she works from home, has a bigger social network, and doesn't mind the heat.). Anytime I bring up moving, it turns into a big argument. She wants to stay. We are in our late 30's, so I can't imagine living here the rest of my life.
I'm thinking of moving by myself, getting a small apartment in the city, and coming out to the desert on weekends. I really don't want to live apart from my wife, but how can I continue to live someplace where I absolutely despise the weather for half the year?
I'm less active here than I used to be, and I know it's affecting my physical and mental health. I don't like gyms, I like to exercise outdoors. And sorry, but I just don't feel like going for a run when it's 120 degrees outside.
I feel trapped. I didn't know what I was getting into and I didn't know how permanent it would be.
Any advice?
It might be how you approach the subject. Does your wife understand how deeply this is affecting you mentally and physically? Have you left out the emotional part? Men tend to do that. Of all people in the world your wife is to be your friend and confidante and to be as concerned for your well-being as she is for hers. It seems communication is lacking in your relationship and I see that as the real problem here. Palm Desert is a direct result of this flaw.
Btw, I like LA (lived there for years). My friends are there, better jobs, better weather, better outdoor activities etc...
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty61
It might be how you approach the subject. Does your wife understand how deeply this is affecting you mentally and physically? Have you left out the emotional part? Men tend to do that. Of all people in the world your wife is to be your friend and confidante and to be as concerned for your well-being as she is for hers. It seems communication is lacking in your relationship and I see that as the real problem here. Palm Desert is a direct result of this flaw.
No, we've communicated this to death. She knows exactly how I feel, but she's dug her heels in.
Btw, I like LA (lived there for years). My friends are there, better jobs, better weather, better outdoor activities etc...
No, we've communicated this to death. She knows exactly how I feel, but she's dug her heels in.
How do you two typically resolve other conflicts? This can't be the first time one of you has "dug in" your heels.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 08-01-2018 at 02:39 PM..
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