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I have been chatting with a lady on a dating site. She is 47, has two adult kids who have kids of their own. I am 39, never married, no kids. Even though we have different relationship backgrounds, we seem to have some things in common.
She is divorcing after being married for 25 years. She said that her husband cheated on her for two years with a younger woman. The divorce is to be finalized next month.
She would like to meet and go on a date this week. I told her I would meet her but now having second thoughts since the divorce is not yet finalized. Debating whether I should go through with it anyway or back out.
I met someone online who, on one site, listed herself as separated and, on another site, said she was single. When we met in person, she said she was divorced. I have no idea which was the truth. I do know in some states you have to be legally separated for a year before you can divorce. And there’s that old bit of advice that says don’t date a woman who’s separated because she may be cheating.
Might I say this, OP? In my divorce support group, we learned divorce is very traumatic in many ways. This woman will likely need a long time to recover from 20+ yrs. of marriage. It totally upends your world.
Rule of thumb that's used...and I found to be true:
For every 5 years of marriage, 1 year of recovery.
I was married 20+ years and it took me about 4 years to feel recovered, grounded and happy. She of course might be different but for all, it's a huge adjustment.
It depends. When I divorced my husband, I was 44 and had been married 22years. I would not have been ready to date immediately when the divorce was finalized—but mine took only 90 days from the time I found out he was cheating until the divorce was final.
If this woman has been separated and living on her own for some time due to the state’s divorce requirements, she may well have dealt with the worst of the emotional issues and be ready to at least go out even if she may not want to dive headlong into an exclusive relationship again. If you like this woman, but would feel more comfortable waiting for the divorce to be final, just be honest with her.
Might I say this, OP? In my divorce support group, we learned divorce is very traumatic in many ways. This woman will likely need a long time to recover from 20+ yrs. of marriage. It totally upends your world.
Rule of thumb that's used...and I found to be true:
For every 5 years of marriage, 1 year of recovery.
I was married 20+ years and it took me about 4 years to feel recovered, grounded and happy. She of course might be different but for all, it's a huge adjustment.
Just something to keep in mind.
Ironically she said that she wanted out four years ago and thought it was over then and he talked her into staying. He later cheated on her. Not sure how long since the divorce was filed tho as I did not want to pry too much.
Ironically she said that she wanted out four years ago and thought it was over then and he talked her into staying. He later cheated on her. Not sure how long since the divorce was filed tho as I did not want to pry too much.
Good, then she's way ahead in her adjustment. I felt not bad about divorcing the guy, it was the upheaval in my life that was hard.
Sounds like she had a really rough time. Now she can fully complete healing too. How painful must that have been...
It depends. When I divorced my husband, I was 44 and had been married 22years. I would not have been ready to date immediately when the divorce was finalized—but mine took only 90 days from the time I found out he was cheating until the divorce was final.
If this woman has been separated and living on her own for some time due to the state’s divorce requirements, she may well have dealt with the worst of the emotional issues and be ready to at least go out even if she may not want to dive headlong into an exclusive relationship again. If you like this woman, but would feel more comfortable waiting for the divorce to be final, just be honest with her.
That's what it sounds like, she's way ahead with her feelings about the divorce. Sorry for her it took so long...
90 DAYS? You got a divorce in 90 days???!! I had to wait a year!
It depends. When I divorced my husband, I was 44 and had been married 22years. I would not have been ready to date immediately when the divorce was finalized—but mine took only 90 days from the time I found out he was cheating until the divorce was final.
If this woman has been separated and living on her own for some time due to the state’s divorce requirements, she may well have dealt with the worst of the emotional issues and be ready to at least go out even if she may not want to dive headlong into an exclusive relationship again. If you like this woman, but would feel more comfortable waiting for the divorce to be final, just be honest with her.
You may be right that she is looking to date but not yet dive into a relationship. Her profile says dating and not looking for anything serious. With that being said, I don't really like the thought of dating someone who is technically married even tho it is over. Of course she could move on if I postpone but no big deal if she does.
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