Husband Advertising For Casual Sex On Internet (male, loyalty, older)

[robertpolyglot]

Originally Posted by mommabear2

I recommend "Women Who Love Too Much." This book is helpful for women of all ages because we all have the tendency to "love too much." Good luck.

I skimmed this thread but read the OP in its entirety. Yes, he has a problem. Yes, he IS a problem. I understand you had one failed marriage and wanted to create a normal, happy home the next time around. However, the extra-curricular activities of this person might have indicated otherwise from the get-go. I am sure you had more warning signs than what you have space to write about. OK, so it's time to get out. And, no you should NOT feel guilty. If you TRIED, you did your job as a spouse. It sounds like he DIDN'T.

Do not leave immediately. Do not. You need to talk to the lawyer FIRST. A legal professional will help you strategize and "stage" your exit.

As for "Women Who Love Too Much," I haven't read it, but leafed through it at some bookstore, probably within the last 10 years. These women love the following types too much: (1) losers, (2) abusers, (3) "bad boys" and (4) those not available. The "too much" problem rarely seems to exist when the context is normal, good guys. Sorry, but I hate the self-imposed martyr complex.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by robertpolyglot

As for "Women Who Love Too Much," I haven't read it, but leafed through it at some bookstore, probably within the last 10 years. These women love the following types too much: (1) losers, (2) abusers, (3) "bad boys" and (4) those not available. The "too much" problem rarely seems to exist when the context is normal, good guys. Sorry, but I hate the self-imposed martyr complex.

I agree. This book basically presents personality disorders in layman's terms.

[brokencrayola]

Originally Posted by madge2008

Well thank you to everyone who has posted advice. I went through everything last night while he was at work putting everything (screenshots) onto a disk and I came across another of his profiles; faceparty this time. This is one of the sites I chuffing hate. We have had so many rows about this site in the past. Again, the profile is dirty dirty DIRTY. I am livid.

Been looking at my options regarding divorce etc and it seems that by UK law I am in a pretty good position. When I have threatened him with divorce before he always says he will 'fight me' and that the house is half his and that he's not going anywhere - I will have to leave, and that he would fight for half of my business. (I'm a sole trader with profit of about 10 grand a year before tax - so I'm really rich I am - NOT).

But according to what it says as we have a child at home and me being the injured party HE would be forced to leave AND I wouldn't have to sell the house anyway. Me and daughter could live in it till she's of independent age! He didn't see that coming! What's more, law states that even if/when house is sold eventually it's not always so that each party gets a 50/50 share either.

I would rather have a 'quickie' divorce and no mess though really. Solicitors cost and I am thinking I could always threaten to expose him to his daughter if he doesn't 'play ball'. I can see I am going to have to toughen up - greatly. I realise I have let him get away with so much in the past!

Anyway, he is on holiday for 10 days now, so can't really do much about this cos he'll be around all the time, but might go through with the getting him to meet this woman thing if just to get even more loggable evidence. Then see him lie his way out of it. HOPEFULLY he will realise that the game's up. I did tell him straight last time that if he EVER did this again we would be finished. I must follow things through this time sigh.

Thanks for all the help and advice guys.

If it makes you feel better set up to meet him and see what happens. I think he will be there. At least you will know in your heart you are doing the right thing then. Please do not drag your child into this. The divorce and losing her dad will be enough for her to cope with. She is too young and at an age where her learning about this now could be of harm to her. I wish you luck!

[MaggieZ]

I often wondered about the title when that book 'women who love too much' came out. You can't love too much but you can love the wrong people. That can go for men too.

[mommabear2]

Originally Posted by MaggieZ

I often wondered about the title when that book 'women who love too much' came out. You can't love too much but you can love the wrong people. That can go for men too.

Yeah, the title doesn't seem right. But I think it has to do with women who "love" so much that they'll endure just about anything. Perhaps that's what's implied by "loving too much."

[mommabear2]

Originally Posted by robertpolyglot

As for "Women Who Love Too Much," I haven't read it, but leafed through it at some bookstore, probably within the last 10 years. These women love the following types too much: (1) losers, (2) abusers, (3) "bad boys" and (4) those not available. The "too much" problem rarely seems to exist when the context is normal, good guys. Sorry, but I hate the self-imposed martyr complex.

Am I misreading your post or are you giving an opinion on a book that you haven't read? Anyway, from the OP, it sounded to me like the book would benefit her, then again, I was responding to the first post. I understood it to be about loving yourself enough not to stay in or attract negative relationships. But hey, maybe CityData is a better place to receive personal guidance and self reflection.

[MaggieZ]

OK Mommabear, I agree with that. If you love someone to a point of selfabuse or selfdestruction...

[madge2008]

Thanks for all the advice guys,

I have now printed out all the sites he's on and have saved screenshots of everything on a disc (We have seperate computers, so it was fairly simple.) I also 'wiped' all his temp internet files and cookies from his computer other day without him knowing. Then I went back again later to look at where he's been since, and lo and behold ... all the tacky sites and cookies are back again, so he's been on them again either posting or answering mail or something.

I have an appointment with a solicitor on Monday where I shall ovbiously deposit copies of all this. (The originals are going to a good friends who will kindly look after them for me). I'm trying to act normal at the moment, but truly believe that this time I have crossed over that line - many tmes I 'have been going to go' to a solicitor, but he always talked me round or promised it wouldn't happen again, or I didn't have a bean to my name to start proceedings. I sort of feel scared, but also 'at peace' now because the decision has been made.

It's really difficult to act normal because I feel sort of switched off from him now. I sort of don't care what he thinks or how he feels any more. It's over. I told him this last time if he ever did it again. If I turn a blind eye again he'll take the p*ss forever and I'm not having that.

Will update in a couple of days after the appointment.

[MaggieZ]

Yes, let us know how you are doing. It's the best choice really IMO

[Timm]

Originally Posted by madge2008

It's over. I told him this last time if he ever did it again. If I turn a blind eye again he'll take the p*ss forever and I'm not having that.

!
Good for you!