Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
There were two points raised earlier in the thread that I think are valid:
- Newness in my life/stuff to look forward to
- Time spent with friends
I feel both are lacking right now in my life, so what does my mind do? .
These aren't valid because they are 100% in your control. If you want new stuff in your life. Do new things. If you want things to look forward to, plan things to look forward to. If you want to spent time with friends, make plans with friends.
This isn't rocket science.
You're just being passive and moping because no one else is making things happen for you.
These aren't valid because they are 100% in your control. If you want new stuff in your life. Do new things. If you want things to look forward to, plan things to look forward to. If you want to spent time with friends, make plans with friends.
This isn't rocket science.
You're just being passive and moping because no one else is making things happen for you.
I think the above hits it right on the head. If you want nice things, nice memories, things to look forward to, then make things to look forward to. Everything you are wondering about is fully in your control.
Yes, OP has made posts over the years about this topic. He started almost identical threads to this one in February 2017 and May 2017.
OP, I say that only to bring to your attention that you've been feeling this way for some time now. This is not something that you're just going to be able to "snap out" of as you posted upthread.
You may not be ready to admit it but I suspect you're unhappy in your marriage or discontent with your life overall. IMO, people in a healthy and happy marriage don't feel this deeply about what used to be.
As long as you're in denial, you'll just remain stuck in this rut.
And BTW, having children is not going to fix the dissatisfaction you're feeling.
THIS ^^^^^. Exactly what HokieFan said.
OP, you appear to be longing for something that is missing in your life. Perhaps spend some time truly thinking about what that might be. "Something" is missing that you feel strongly you need to find and have in your life. Figure out what that is. You, my friend, do not strike me as a man who is the least bit content with his life. Go find "true north" or purpose/meaning in and for your life.
I get there’s the whole rah-rah have kids crowd but I sincerely advise you to consider the pros and cons, because I don’t think with a straight face you can argue that having kids is anything but an emotional and not at all logical decision. Your relationship won’t be better, it’ll be worse. Every happiness study conducted among couples found happiness decreased substantially when kids entered the picture, and that’s no surprise because that’s a miserable experience. Unless you like being tired constantly, no sex, no free time, less money, and crying, annoying brats. Really, what’s the appeal? Don’t just be like everyone else, really give it thought. WHY would you want that burden in your life that’ll constrict every single future decision and seal your fate?
As for doing your own things in a relationship, that is important and can be done even when you live together. It’s so important to my GF and I that we make sure our house is big enough so I can stay up after she goes to sleep and watch movies two floors below or play video games without disturbing her. She doesn’t watch my bizarre and old classic movies I’m working my way through (most of them stink so I don’t blame her) and she does her own thing most days. We come together for meals and to do activities together and enjoy each other’s company as two separate people and it’s fantastic.
Its hard to match the feeling of those days when you were in a new relationship. Especially when seeing each other is a treat because it doesn't happen often.
This is starting to sound familiar. Didn't you have a thread about your wife a year or two ago, in which you sincerely wondered if you two were a good match? I vaguely recall you insisted in that thread, that you loved her, but the kind of doubts or concerns you were expressing indicated that there actually were valid issues.
Are you sure you want to go ahead and have kids?
Agree x 1000.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach
I agree with this. I also raised an eyebrow at the whole "bring the wife along so she won't feel lonely at home." I can tell you that I can think of a million things to do at home if alone: reading for leisure with some music, sewing, learning to play the guitar (or any other instrument), binge watch a show that my spouse was not interested in, take a course online via EdX or Coursera (they have SO much to choose from and it's so enjoyable). Anyone can find something they'd like to do if they want to. Heck, even if both spouses at home, there's nothing wrong with one person doing any of the above things closed off in a room for an hour or two.
Some people think that tight knit means "we love each other so much we just can't be away from each other or it means doom!" Others view it as closing oneself off to activities that they'd enjoy simply because the other person doesn't enjoy them. I don't see that as a healthy thing. I'm not suggesting that one choose hobbies that will consume their entire weekends or shut out their spouse, but if one of the people wants to join a bowling or billiards league that meets every Tuesday night or something and leave the spouse at home, I think that's great. It doesn't have to be separate trips. If you just hang together all the time when you are off work, you really don't have much to talk about.
Yes, OP has made posts over the years about this topic. He started almost identical threads to this one in February 2017 and May 2017.
OP, I say that only to bring to your attention that you've been feeling this way for some time now. This is not something that you're just going to be able to "snap out" of as you posted upthread.
You may not be ready to admit it but I suspect you're unhappy in your marriage or discontent with your life overall. IMO, people in a healthy and happy marriage don't feel this deeply about what used to be.
As long as you're in denial, you'll just remain stuck in this rut.
And BTW, having children is not going to fix the dissatisfaction you're feeling.
Thanks. I, too, knew this sounded familiar.
The whole thing is odd.
I'd love to hear her side. She's probably pulling her hair out.
I'd love to hear her side. She's probably pulling her hair out.
If you don't have anything constructive to say, why do you bother?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
