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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,737,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
I don't like coffee dates because I don't drink coffee (or frequent coffee shops), and I understand it to mean "I want to evaluate you as quickly and cheaply as possible."
You thought she was fun before the coffee date and something happened during the date that made you think she was no fun?
I had no idea whether she was fun or not. That’s why I went on the date to find out and she wasn’t fun. The coffee date’s point was to evaluate that in an inexpensive neutral environment with no pressure and little time commitment.
Okay, would you be willing to suggest an inexpensive low pressure first date then that is similar to a coffee date?
I only get a few months of being able to go outside where I live, so anything outside...even one of the zoos by where I live is just free-will offering, very entertaining, I love animals. Snack huts and vendors everywhere. There are a lot of Art Fairs, free outdoor concerts right now. Happy hour is obvious, 1/2 price apps. Something outside!
I had no idea whether she was fun or not. That’s why I went on the date to find out and she wasn’t fun. The coffee date’s point was to evaluate that in an inexpensive neutral environment with no pressure and little time commitment.
But how does a person seem “fun” during a coffee date? Do you think you seemed fun? Why make snap judgments after talking to someone for like 30 minutes? I’ll admit that I spent some time talking about how I was pro-assisted suicide on my last first date, but that doesn’t mean I can’t ever be fun.
I agree with most people that say dates should be fun! If you have been chatting with someone online, by the time a date is on the table, one would think, you had enough conversation to see what you have in common and what you like to do for fun. Even going out to dinner and taking a walk afterwards can be great! I think guys should pay for the first date, no one is going to change my mind on that, so I'm not going to debate it. And a guy can have an inexpensive first date with no pressure involved. Now if he speaks with a woman who wants to do something more expensive than he wants, ignore her. No need getting worked up over it. You haven't invested anything into that person, so just move on and find someone who is more interested in doing the things you want to do, on your budget. First dates should be a way to get out of the house, do something fun, and see if it will lead to a second date. If it doesn't, oh well, if it does awesome! I just think we have made first dates a way bigger event than it should be.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by SVTLightning
you live in the DC area! Grab an ice cream and walk around any of the monuments or memorials. There are so many free things to do there.
Seriously. DC is like the candyland of good free things to do! You're not going to live in a better area for it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
But how does a person seem “fun” during a coffee date? Do you think you seemed fun? Why make snap judgments after talking to someone for like 30 minutes? I’ll admit that I spent some time talking about how I was pro-assisted suicide on my last first date, but that doesn’t mean I can’t ever be fun.
Yeah, it's hard to come across as fun or personable during a coffee meeting. It's just not the environment for it. For the most part, my coffee dates are because the people want to flesh out my politics / social stances before making a decision on whether to have a real date. That's fine, but it isn't about "fun".
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,737,988 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
But how does a person seem “fun” during a coffee date? Do you think you seemed fun? Why make snap judgments after talking to someone for like 30 minutes? I’ll admit that I spent some time talking about how I was pro-assisted suicide on my last first date, but that doesn’t mean I can’t ever be fun.
Was the conversation interesting? That’s what I go by. I had been talking to this woman for a week before the date. Even after coffee, I had all the information I needed to form an opinion which was, “not for me.” End of discussion.
What of the purpose of the first date was not to have fun but to see if the person you were having coffee with is to see if you were vibing enough to potentially have fun with down the line on future dates? Wouldn’t women rather see about the chemistry first, then worry about “fun” down the line?
I did a coffee date a few weeks ago, and yes I paid for the coffee , with a woman I knew damn well was no fun. Once that was over, I didn’t feel cheated, I knew it was not worth going to the exurbs to set up other dates with her or wasting more time trying to pursue her. Ain’t that what dating is all about?
I cant see why you cant have fun with someone during a date and find out if chemistry is there. I been on some dates where at the end, either I or her will hint to each other that there will be no 2nd date. But dammit... we both laughed and had fun
I dont worry about wasting money nor my time when I'm having fun. Money and time well spent.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
I cant see why you cant have fun with someone during a date and find out if chemistry is there. I been on some dates where at the end, either I or her will hint to each other that there will be no 2nd date. But dammit... we both laughed and had fun
I dont worry about wasting money nor my time when I'm having fun. Money and time well spent.
In fact the question is how can there ever be chemistry WITHOUT having fun? If there isn't engagement and laughing that's a pretty damn clear sign that there is no chemistry.
Sure, there can be fun and laughter without much chemistry, but chemistry without joy? I don't get it. If there is chemistry its going to bring out joy. And if you don't put yourself in situations where there can be joy, how will you ever let loose enough to find out if there is chemistry?
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I just realized I wouldn't date the kind of guy who goes to coffee shops, or goes out for coffee.
, with a woman I knew damn well was no fun. Once that was over, I didn’t feel cheated, I knew it was not worth going to the exurbs to set up other dates with her or wasting more time trying to pursue her. Ain’t that what dating is all about?
