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Okay, I guess I don't feel too bad that I've met somebody at the bar at Applebee's a couple times.
What?! I feel comfortable walking in there, nobody's snobby!
Actually, I said, I believe "I think" and "to me" or "in general" fairly consistently. I try to be very careful that my posts that are opinion are clearly read as opinion. I don't always put every little word in there to make it blatantly obvious (I probably poorly assume too high a level of reading comprehension on here), often due to haste, but it SHOULD be obvious.
This is a very different thing than Calipoppy who posted specifically what all other women should do and how they should act.
I have read through some of today's comments and you basically had the exact same accusation of being "snobby" because you do not prefer chain restaurant dates. That was actually pretty funny!
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Of course one should make an impression. One should always try to make a positive impression.
But make up, hairdos, manicures, getting dolled up, don't make positive impressions, they make negative ones to me.
Being natural and lovely, and secure in the "this is who I am au naturale, and I love myself like this" is the best impression a person can put forth to another person one is trying to connect with, I believe.
Yes, asking someone out, and them coming back with a yes, what would you like to do and responding "I dunno, what you wanna do?" and not having a plan, notion, or suggestion (which I hear is all too common with men) is really gross.
I know that you do not understand this but a LOT of the beautiful "au natural" looking women that you see are WEARING MAKEUP. They have
done SOMETHING TO THEIR HAIR (color, highlights, straightened it, curled it, etc.), they have "waxed", they have "plucked", they have "tweezed", they have "botoxed", etc. etc. So stop projecting an over the top image of me donning a ball gown and a tiara for a first date simply because I said that I like to dress up.
Last edited by calipoppy; 08-23-2018 at 11:09 PM..
Reason: w
A coworker (and now friend) of mine likes really nice "stuff"; apartment in NYC, expensive car, expensive cloths, etc. He loves certain brands must always have the latest technology. He loves expensive restaurants. He loves to maintain a certain "image". He comes from a wealthy family.
I am the EXACT opposite.
We laugh about this during lunch and drinks after a work. Because our view on life is so opposite but we get along quite well. In fact, I've learned a lot about him and he has learned a lot about me as I've walked a life he would never get to see (long story).
With that said.... I don't consider him a snob. He has never implied that my car, my life, the things I choose I spend (or not spend) money on, the friends I keep, are a reflection of me as a lower class (or in this case cheap) individual. In fact, on the last day we worked together, he thanked me for sharing some life lessons that come from my personal experience from a walk of life that is quite different from his own.
Here is the definition of snob:
"a person with an exaggerated respect for high social position or wealth who seeks to associate with social superiors and dislikes people or activities regarded as lower-class."
I bolded the important part.
Some may have personal preferences for a date: ex: prefer a nice dinner over coffee, local established restaurant vs chain, and express it as a personal preference.. that's not being a snob. Being a snob is expressing those preferences as factual indicators of activities (or people) that are implied as lower class.
Thing is, when we're talking about chain restaurants or not, it isn't the level of "class" that I care about in preferring local places or whatever. A place can be a hole in the wall with a little character and good food! It's the fact that it is more INTERESTING. If I am on a date, it's good in general if we have things to talk about, and if the surroundings are interesting. Get me in a mentally stimulated state of mind where I am curious and engaged with the world around me.
I would stroll a quaint "old town" full of shops or go antiquing with a date. I would rather not go shopping at Walmart.
It would be nicer to have a hike in a natural setting, or a park, or a historical district, or downtown, rather than just wander around some suburban sidewalks where all of the houses look exactly alike.
And if there is a "haha, this is a trip!" element, then all the better! There's a dive I used to go to in Northern Kentucky, across the river somewhere from Cincinnati, called "The Anchor." The menu said, "We may doze but never close." It was a greasy spoon where the drunks would go after last call. But they had little jukeboxes at all the tables, and when you played a song, a disco ball in the middle of the room would spin and there was a little old-timey case on the wall with dancing dolls, looked like it was made in the 50's. One of them had apparently broken or something and was replaced with a Barbie. That place was SILLY. But the food wasn't bad. And when you go somewhere like that, you have a story to tell later. And I've realized lately that Ihop costs more than some of our favorite local places, but the food isn't as good and there is crap all over the floor where people's children have thrown it. So I'm not so into Ihop anymore.
You wanna know a first date that made me cringe just hearing about it... My ex met this woman online, and their first date was her kid's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. So not only are you on a date at THAT of all places, but you're introducing some strange guy you're just meeting, to your kids right now. How do you know he's not a psycho? (He kinda is actually...) Oh and to make it even better, he asked our sons if he could have some of their old toys they didn't want anymore to give as birthday gifts to this woman's kid. Those things may have been in the "yard sale" box, but seriously, wow though.
Having a little "class" is NOT always about spending more money.
My biggest problem with dating is the fact that I've kept in shape all these years. Since I'm lean and athletic looking, I would sorta like to date a woman that's the same; however, 35-40 year old women that still look good usually come with a big price tag because there's just not a lot of them out there that are single unless. 40 something guys like myself that hit the gym regularly and have kept in shape are a dime a dozen.
Yeah, dating is freaking stupid expensive after the first meeting if you want to keep an attractive woman's attention...lol
On what's class and what's not, when I was about 28 I was talking to someone at work and the place we worked for had received some free tickets to a monster truck event. The tickets were mine to give to whomever, and I told this person about the tickets and said in a very sarcastic, self important tone something like, "and who wouldn't like to go to a monster truck show?" Well it was one of those conversations where we were both talking but not all that engaged, and so she had already formulated a response to the news that we had the tickets, and while my comment still lingered in the air she said "I'd love to go if no one else is interested." And we both paused for a second or two, before she said, almost apologetically, "Oh, you were being sarcastic. Well I would like the tickets, but, never mind."
I have very clear tastes in music, movies, books, entertainment in general, and a variety of other things. I tend to like things that have an edge or that are different from the everyday, I'm very urban as opposed to country, if that makes sense, and on a macro level I lament the Wal-Martization of so much of what we consume. Since that day though I've tried to remember that class isn't about declaring the superiority of my taste over someone else's, and certainly not by showing disdain for their personal tastes. I felt quite low class looking at that woman and seeing the hurt in her eyes. Or maybe it was disappointment. She may have thought I was better than that.
On what's class and what's not, when I was about 28 I was talking to someone at work and the place we worked for had received some free tickets to a monster truck event. The tickets were mine to give to whomever, and I told this person about the tickets and said in a very sarcastic, self important tone something like, "and who wouldn't like to go to a monster truck show?" Well it was one of those conversations where we were both talking but not all that engaged, and so she had already formulated a response to the news that we had the tickets, and while my comment still lingered in the air she said "I'd love to go if no one else is interested." And we both paused for a second or two, before she said, almost apologetically, "Oh, you were being sarcastic. Well I would like the tickets, but, never mind."
I have very clear tastes in music, movies, books, entertainment in general, and a variety of other things. I tend to like things that have an edge or that are different from the everyday, I'm very urban as opposed to country, if that makes sense, and on a macro level I lament the Wal-Martization of so much of what we consume. Since that day though I've tried to remember that class isn't about declaring the superiority of my taste over someone else's, and certainly not by showing disdain for their personal tastes. I felt quite low class looking at that woman and seeing the hurt in her eyes. Or maybe it was disappointment. She may have thought I was better than that.
I'm very urban as opposed to country as well and I still would like to go to a monster truck event. I have never been and would like to see it.
I'm very urban as opposed to country as well and I still would like to go to a monster truck event. I have never been and would like to see it.
I've been. They're loud. Really, really loud. Take earplugs.
Sometimes stepping outside of your comfort zone can be a "spice of life" thing. Monster trucks aren't really my thing either, but I've got "country" (nice way of putting it) relatives. So I went once as a kid.
homina's story reminds me though, when I was an edgy, angsty teenager, I had a guy I thought was a complete loser lingering around with a crush on me. He invited me to karaoke at a bowling alley. I could not think of a single activity that sounded more awful but I don't think I told him that. Pretty sure I just politely declined. And then snarked about it later with a friend or two, probably. Not just karaoke, but karaoke at a bowling alley...with no alcohol (not that I drink, but for some that would make it tolerable) because we were kids. Good lord no. You might as well invite a goth chick to a chaperoned dance at a church.
I've been. They're loud. Really, really loud. Take earplugs.
Sometimes stepping outside of your comfort zone can be a "spice of life" thing. Monster trucks aren't really my thing either, but I've got "country" (nice way of putting it) relatives. So I went once as a kid.
homina's story reminds me though, when I was an edgy, angsty teenager, I had a guy I thought was a complete loser lingering around with a crush on me. He invited me to karaoke at a bowling alley. I could not think of a single activity that sounded more awful but I don't think I told him that. Pretty sure I just politely declined. And then snarked about it later with a friend or two, probably. Not just karaoke, but karaoke at a bowling alley...with no alcohol (not that I drink, but for some that would make it tolerable) because we were kids. Good lord no. You might as well invite a goth chick to a chaperoned dance at a church.
I'm born and raised in the heart of L.A. and I used to be closed-minded like this, but now I'm pretty open minded. I learned that it's really fun experiencing new things and stepping outside of your comfort zone. I can see things from their perspective. My only issue is when one person asks you to step outside of your comfort zone to meet them halfway in theirs, but they refuse to step outside of theirs to meet you half way in yours. (yes I had this issue with an ex)
I would go to karaoke at a bowling alley. What if he had a really good voice and wanted to show it?
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