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Well, it sounds like your "plan" is to wait another couple years to build up even more resentment (all the while your boyfriend has no idea what the heck is going on, except that you seem angrier and angrier), then spring an ultimatum on him to get him to agree to make a baby. Can you see any possibility that a man might have bad feelings toward a child that he feels he was trapped into having? Do you think that is a sound basis for a healthy long term relationship between the two of you, or between him and his (at present theoretical - I hope -) child?
Imagine yourself in this situation.
After dating a fellow for year or so, you start talking about getting married. When you mention children, this hypothetical man says that he, too, has always wanted children, and he'd like to have children while you're both still fairly young. You get married. You set up housekeeping together. As time goes on, both of you continue talking, with growing and positive feelings, about starting a family. When you ask each other questions like "what if it's defective? what if it turns out to be gay/trans/etc? what if it turns out to be a boy instead of the girl we both hope for?" and when you answer these questions the answers are positive. So, you decide to have a baby. Your husband is just as excited as you are and when there are issues (miscarriages, false positives, horrible morning sickness, conflicts with grandparents-to-be, etc.) he's consistently supportive. He consistently puts his own short term desires aside in favor of the long term benefit of you, the child that is to be, and your family's future.
That's a description of the ideal young couple about to have a baby. Idealized, yes: but look at that portrait and compare it to your own reality and I think you will see that the gaps are just too big.
ok, so should i be bringing this up with him now????
hes the one thats always stressing about birth control, hes the one thats made me feel its not a possibility for us
maybe the 2 years thing is not the best idea, i came up with that idea more than my own benefit than for his
i want a future with him. ive already been waiting 5 years. hes the only one i want a future with.
Wait a minute. This person has treated you like dog poo in the past including throwing things at you? Why in the world would you want a future with someone like that?
I'll say it again--neither of you are ready to be parents. He needs to mature and not be violent. You, more importantly, need to learn to respect yourself enough that someone like this is not good enough for you. Babies don't solve problems. They tend to magnify existing problems because parenting is stressful on a personal level and can be stressful even for the best of relationships. My husband and I had been married for 6 years and together for 8 years. Even with that, our first year as parents was stressful on our relationship, and we had much better communication skills than you and your BF.
I don't think you two are ready to have a child together. If you can't talk to him about this, that is a big sign that neither of you should consider being parents together right now.
I also sense some jealousy on your part which isn't a good thing. Will you be jealous when he spends time and gushes over a child?
I also sense some void in your life that you think a baby will fill. While children do bring lots of joy into one's life, filling a void isn't a great reason to want to be a parent. Many days the joy is minimal and the work of being a parent is overwhelming.
Just a guess, but the sister's baby wasn't planned. Your boyfriend is wise enough to understand and want to be in a good place emotionally and financially before he has a child. He's also very young.
maybe hes young, but hes been with me for 5 years and counting now... he can't keep on using his age as an excuse. my wants and desires also need to be considered as do other things for example
- my parents are aging - i don't want them to be to old when they have their first grandchild
- my family dog is aging, hes almost 9 years old - i would like our child to be able to meet the dog as he was a big part of my life growing up
- im aging, i don't want to have too much trouble getting pregnant or going through any procedures if i cant
- my grandma is getting old, i want her to be able to meet our child
- ive been waiting 5 years now, i;m getting increasingly depressed and i feel resentful, i can wait a couple more years but i cant wait until the end of eternity, he can't keep denying me a family
his whole face lights up. he seems so excited and interested in her baby. They've been chatting on a skype video call for like 2 hours now, I can hear is my boyfriend gushing at the baby. i feel unwanted and unneeded.
I don't know I just feel jealous and resentful. I honestly can't help it. I want to be happy for others esp as its his sister, but I don't have it in me as I just feel like the world is unfair.
My boyfriends sister and her boyfriend had only been together for 1 year before they had a baby. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years. Still, there's no mention of us ever having our first baby... is it even going to happen? I feel like I'm going to be waiting forever.
My boyfriend just expects me to stay on birth control forever. does he just expect our child never to exist in the world? That everyone else can just have as many children as they want, many people who have a lot less to offer a child than me and my boyfriend, many people in worse situations.
My boyfriends always telling me about his sisters baby, he always seems excited when he sees the baby over skype, one time me and my boyfriend were out shopping and we were in the baby section of the store and my boyfriend was looking at the baby stuff, telling me how he was really excited to be able to buy baby stuff for his sisters baby. We were also at a family gathering and his sisters 3 year old step son was at the gathering (the only child there) and it was the first time we'd met him and my boyfriend was playing with him and he mentioned to me how it was really nice to have a child around for a change.
I'm 25 now and me and my boyfriend have already been together for 5 years and living together for 4 years. We are both very sensible and responsible, my mother would love to be a grandma, we both have had lovely stable upbringings ourselves, we both eat very healthy diets, my boyfriend has a professional job which pays $50,000 with benefits, we both have more than enough to offer a child. I guess its just never going to happen, I'm an only child and I've wanted to have a baby brother or sister all my life, that never happened. since i got with my boyfriend, i wanted a baby 5 years on thats never happened and i don't have any hope that it ever will. things just feel impossible. i feel like were the only intentionally childless couple in the world.
for example, his sister was not in an ideal situation to have a child. shes living with my boyfriends parents and her flat is undergoing major renovation works. If it was me and my boyfriend in this situation, then he would never even consider having a child. we'd have to wait until all of the renovations works were complete etc etc. i also used to have a full-time job (i left recently), my boyfriend also had a full-time job even then this was not enough, he still wanted me on birth control, a child was not ever a consideration. maybe its never going to happen. we have more than enough to offer...
we've talked about having children before, but my boyfriend has said things like he wants to wait 10 or 15 years or he thinks 35 would be a good age to have a job (hes 23 right now). i understand that hes still in his early 20's but still are we going to be putting this off forever?
Why is he expecting me to never want children and to just stay on birth control forever (i've already been on it for 5 years and counting)???
I just want our child to exist!
i haven't told my boyfriend how I feel, but with him always insisting im on birth control whats the point...
Aren't you the one with the Bulgarian mama's boy boyfriend who's about 5 years younger, and isn't ready to start a family yet? We've told you umpteen times to move on. He's too young for. you (you've posted about his immaturity before, too, right?). Find a guy who's ready to have kids. At 25, you shouldn't be rushing into having kids, either. Are you two even capable of supporting anyone besides yourselves? As I recall, you can't even afford an apartment; you two were renting a room together awhile back. And you've posted about him being abusive toward you.
Give it up, OP. Find a healthier, happier relationship with someone your age or a little older.
That's just dumb. Of course you aren't gonna stay on it forever. At some point you will not even need it.
This is your first boyfriend. You just listed "so it can meet the dog I grew up with" as a reason to have a baby.
You have NO IDEA what you are doing. Please do not even think about going off birth control
I stand corrected. I don't see any way this can turn out well. I am done here, I think.
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