Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Exactly this. You're dating a Muslim and he's treating you as Muslims treat women. Where is the surprise here?
Precisely. I see this in so many young people today. The conventional wisdom of marrying and dating people of similar backgrounds and values has given way to the political correctness of "we are all the same".
Marriage is hard enough without setting up huge obstacles in the beginning based on culture and ethnicity.
Exactly this. You're dating a Muslim and he's treating you as Muslims treat women. Where is the surprise here?
I had never dated a Muslim before and to be honest he did not seem to be a very traditional one (he drinks, doesn't pray etc).
I didn't know that all Muslim men treat women as their subordinate...
I have feeling for my boyfriend but I have big doubts. We have been dating for a couple months and he seems to be projecting on the long term with me, he wants to see me often, he invited me to a trip in California to go to his best's friend wedding and exploring Napa Valley, to a work weekend later in September and already asked me if this would go further if our kids could be raised muslim, (I'm catholic). I am very scared he is more looking for a wife and mother than a loving relationship.
Let me explain: he has never told me he loved me, he works a lot and doesn't really do sweet stuff for me like flowers or sweet messages, he doesn't really make plans and expect most of the time for me to come to his place.. When we hang out or go out to dinner (which I most of the time plan) he is on this phone a lot and I feel I don't have his attention and sometimes feels lonely, if I don't make conversation there is nothing going on... I have a lot of affection for him but he makes me feel like he already takes me for granted, like he doesn't really care about making me happy just about me making him happy.. I try to always look nice for him, be accommodating of his work schedule, make plans but he doesn't show much appreciation and doesn't do it for me.. He even asked me do all the planning for that trip in California and didn't seem really excited about the research I did.
I think he likes me and definitely likes to have me around but I'm not sure he is really interested in a loving relationship.. Any input?
Yeah just walk away. People like this will never understand what you're talking about much less be able to do it. They will hang on though and continue to be totally baffled. It's not what you want though, it's a lost cause. Let it go and I wish you luck.
so he DOEs make plans? to invite you to Napa. So he is versed in occassional planning...
I got married the first time so that I could be a wife and a mother. Sure didn't want to be his maid or butler. So I am not following this attitude of detest that he wants you as a wife? Isn't that usually how matrimony works?
If though he conveys subservient attitudes...then yeah...walk away ...
I would walk away and don't look back. If he doesn't seem to care about what you think, I am sure he doesn't care.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
That's a cultural thing. If you don't like how his upbringing makes him treat women (as subordinates), don't hang around.
Look at it this way, since you have just started dating he is on his very best behavior, just imagine how crappy he will treat you when he starts "taking you for granted".
Sounds like at best there may be some cultural differences here or he's just like you said, looking for a partner to pick up the slack on things and not necessarily the "love of his life" type of deal.
so he DOEs make plans? to invite you to Napa. So he is versed in occassional planning...
I got married the first time so that I could be a wife and a mother. Sure didn't want to be his maid or butler. So I am not following this attitude of detest that he wants you as a wife? Isn't that usually how matrimony works?
If though he conveys subservient attitudes...then yeah...walk away ...
Yes he invited me to go but he asked me to do all the planning, booking hotels tours and everything else and he didn't seem interested in getting involved and didn't even say thank you.. Now I am scared to go.. I am not detesting that he wants a wife, I like that he is not afraid of commitment. I don't like that he doesn't seem very interested in a relationship based on communication and exchange and support for each other and Love!
I'm looking for a husband and a father to my kids but I am also looking for the love of my life..
Cloe, I didn't even finish reading your post before I saw so many red flags - I would stay far away from this relationship.
His culture is making him behave the way he does, and believe me, he is not going to change. He wants his woman to be subordinate, to provide family stability, to allow him to do his thing without questioning. You are wanting someone to think of you, to love you, to give something to the marriage besides money. He is not that guy, not because he's not a nice guy. It's just the culture, and you can't expect him to do anything different than what he's doing right now. This is how he's been brought up.
No, No, No!!! to this setup. Your instincts are perfect. Time to find someone who is better suited to you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
