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BUT, if he doesn't care that the stuff is left around, then he has that right too. Trust me, it took me a long time to come to that realization.
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Certainly he has a right to leave his stuff around, but I think he also has an obligation to please his lover. As just implied, he's treating her like a butler.
For example, if I were him I would never throw my clothes on the floor. I'd hang them up or put them in the hamper. If you are undressing you already have your clothing in your hands. I presume most people undress in their bedrooms. The closet is right there, the hamper is right there. I can't see any excuse for throwing something on the floor when the closet, dresser and hamper are nearby. That's just careless disregard.
Certainly he has a right to leave his stuff around, but I think he also has an obligation to please his lover. As just implied, he's treating her like a butler.
For example, if I were him I would never throw my clothes on the floor. I'd hang them up or put them in the hamper. If you are undressing you already have your clothing in your hands. I presume most people undress in their bedrooms. The closet is right there, the hamper is right there. I can't see any excuse for throwing something on the floor when the closet, dresser and hamper are nearby. That's just careless disregard.
Not to mention, somehow leaving clothes, shorts, whatever on the banister. How the heck do shorts get on the banister?! This defies understanding, unless he's consciously making an effort to be unusually messy, to test his gf. That's really weird, and inappropriate. It calls into question the whole relationship, frankly.
And then there's this:
Quote:
he says he works and works hard so he should be able to be lazy at home.
He's not living alone. If he were in a Batchelor pad, he could do as he wishes. But he's living with someone he purports to care about. That's the kicker. Normally, people who care about each other make an effort to get along with each other; maintaining a tolerable living space as a minimum is usually part of that. This guy isn't doing that. He's almost flaunting his total lack of concern in that regard. What's up with that? The Op has a right to ask him that. It's a reasonable question.
Noting that I live alone so there's nobody here to please but me, but just for example I'll come home from my gym and pull off my sweat pants and shoes, and throw my sweats over the banister to wait until my next trip upstairs. I suspect it's not unusual for people who live in 2-story houses to queue items for the next trip upstairs or downstairs. You could call it staging.
Also noting that if I were not single I certainly wouldn't be walking around my house in my underclothing.
If that's undershorts on the banister, then... ick!
Not to mention, somehow leaving clothes, shorts, whatever on the banister. How the heck do shorts get on the banister?! This defies understanding, unless he's consciously making an effort to be unusually messy, to test his gf. That's really weird, and inappropriate. It calls into question the whole relationship, frankly.
And then there's this:
He's not living alone. If he were in a Batchelor pad, he could do as he wishes. But he's living with someone he purports to care about. That's the kicker. Normally, people who care about each other make an effort to get along with each other; maintaining a tolerable living space as a minimum is usually part of that. This guy isn't doing that. He's almost flaunting his total lack of concern in that regard. What's up with that? The Op has a right to ask him that. It's a reasonable question.
This ^^^^^. Say it, Ruth.
If something I am doing is bothering or causing frustration or distress to my partner, I am going to make very effort I can to alleviate that.
Not to mention, somehow leaving clothes, shorts, whatever on the banister. How the heck do shorts get on the banister?! This defies understanding, unless he's consciously making an effort to be unusually messy, to test his gf. That's really weird, and inappropriate. It calls into question the whole relationship, frankly.
.
Really?
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If something I am doing is bothering or causing frustration or distress to my partner, I am going to make very effort I can to alleviate that.
Exactly! I've always said that in a relationship each side has to give 60%. The extra 10% is to account for the situation that you and your partner may not agree on what constitutes 50%.
In this topic it appears to me that the man must be harboring some resentment. They need to talk that out.
OK, I get that these things are probably pet peeves and are annoying. But, in the grand scheme of things, you say when you were both working you shared home responsibilities equally. He gives you money regularly, and doesn't pester you about going back to work (presumably, or you would have mentioned it). This doesn't sound like a bad guy, and better than most.
Should he do these few things you ask? Probably. Who knows, this may be his way not feeling taken advantage of? Men and their egos are a whole 'nother discussion.
All in all, if these are your only complaints, it's not so bad.
You can't change how people behave, only how you react to it.
Yea. It's just inconsiderate if you know the other person cares and it's no big deal to put it in a hamper (i.e. he's able bodied). If both don't care, then go ahead be messy and just hope your friends or family don't unexpectedly show up.
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