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I've never been on Tinder (I don't do any dating apps), but from what I am told it is more of a "hook up" site than one in which lasting relationships are developed. As others have said use your interests to get involved in things, and meet women with similar hobbies, interests, etc.
I've never been on Tinder (I don't do any dating apps), but from what I am told it is more of a "hook up" site than one in which lasting relationships are developed. As others have said use your interests to get involved in things, and meet women with similar hobbies, interests, etc.
I used to think the same but now think I was wrong.
There is definitely more on there than other platforms and someone women and couples(yuk) are definitely open about it on their profiles, but I'd say most I've read are not interested in that and I never actually communicated with one who was.
I used to think the same but now think I was wrong.
There is definitely more on there than other platforms and someone women and couples(yuk) are definitely open about it on their profiles, but I'd say most I've read are not interested in that and I never actually communicated with one who was.
I knew a friend that had a Match account, but she always said that Tinder was just for hook ups, but again, I have never used it. It's probably like anything else. It depends on the individual.
I'm a recent college graduate who just moved back into a big city. I'm pretty decent looking, so unlike a lot of guys I don't really have much trouble on dating sites. That said, I am getting kinda tired of Tinder and other dating apps. Even though I get 2 or 3 dates a week, there is a lot of bs that is kinda annoying, and I want to try dating outside of it. I don't know where else to like meet girls though. I'm joining clubs on meetup, but I don't want to be hitting on anyone from there. Hitting on random girls on the street is kinda weird too. How do you guys find girls outside of that?
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Originally Posted by RJ312
First off, drop Meetup, it is generally a waste of time. Are you having a problem on Tinder where you are getting the dates but you are not getting laid on the dates, and there is no future in-person interaction after the date? That's a normal problem. Women have nearly unlimited choice on Tinder and Bumble and it's a pretty toxic environment.
Street approaching is the most difficult venue of approaching for most guys who do cold approaching. I can understand you not wanting to do street approaching.
So here are your options:
1. Grocery store
2. Malls/coffee shops/other retail
3. Gyms/fitness classes
4. Co-ed sports leagues or other clubs not from meetup
5. If you work in a large office building, women who work in the building but in other companies.
6. Your apartment complex
7. The campus of a nearby college in your new city
8. Bars/nightclubs
9. Your social circle or start to develop a social circle in the new city
The guy doesn’t want low quality dates? Fair enough. Once in a while, I’ll bum my friend’ s WiFi when I dogsit and abuse left swipe on Bumble to where it reminds me of the backtrack function quite often. So, I’d not be one to keep at that option. Funny you mention apartment. That’s how my sister met her hubby. They basically saw each other across the courtyard and the rest is history. My brother met his wife at a dealership they worked at. My gal pal...I begrudgingly went to a Greek eatery for lunch with my coworker a few years ago and she put the heat on me just after the turn of 2018. So, I guess from that, try new spots.
Most of those are good ideas, bit ixnay bars, malls and grocery stores. Bars...obvious sausage fest. Unless they have to shop, I usually see family women at my neighborhood grocer. Malls are generally dead now and I’m trying to remember...there may have been a couple of QTs when I went a few weeks back.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
2-3 dates a week is good, whether dating online or meeting people in a public setting. I would stick to meeting people online with those number of date per week. Be patient and persistent.
I sense you have a problem approaching women in real life vs online? If so, you're going to struggle dating outside of the internet.
I do way better offline. Not even close. The quality not sitting around just fiddling on apps is way better and I’m not limited to a handful of pages on a website or app to browse through, either.
Im not sure why you’d tell OP to beat his head against a wall like that. That’s insanity, no? Yeah.
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Originally Posted by RedWings18
Develop a social circle. Extended social circles, aka friends of friends, are by far the easiest way to meet someone.
Pretty much this. This is about the only way it gets done these days.
I've read that there's a trend nowadays of young people feeling tired of dating apps and going back to the more traditional ways of meeting and dating people offline. Of course I"m happy about this trend but it's sure going to upset people who prefer that cozy online blanket.
See, OP? Women who join Meetups are open to meeting guys, to see if they "click" with anyone. For some, that's one of the main reasons for joining. It depends to some extent on the type of Meetup. But it's not about "hitting on" the women there. It's about getting to know the participants over time, as you share the activity, and if something sparks with one of them, great. Follow up on that. If there's no mutual attraction anywhere, that's fine too; at least you're enjoying the activity.
But you shouldn't go into it thinking you should wall yourself off from allowing any mutual personal interest to develop.
Actually it sounded like she want's to be able to string a guy along the whole snails pace thing is so frustrating..
I do way better offline. Not even close. The quality not sitting around just fiddling on apps is way better and I’m not limited to a handful of pages on a website or app to browse through, either.
Im not sure why you’d tell OP to beat his head against a wall like that. That’s insanity, no? Yeah.
2-3 dates a week via online is very good; its really hard to beat those numbers in real life, unless you're a total chic magnet who has ample time and money to burn.
That's 8-12 dates a month, 96-144 dates a year. You're telling me you get 2x 3x those numbers in real life? If so, thats truly amazing.
I prefer meetups to dating apps. From one meetup I can quickly figure out if there's anyone worth going after. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But it's a much more enjoyable way of meeting girls than swiping on an app.
Develop a social circle. Extended social circles, aka friends of friends, are by far the easiest way to meet someone.
It is still the easiest way to meet someone, but it is diminishing. On the whole, social circles are getting weaker. In 2012, a longitudinal (periodically updated over time) research study was released, led by a sociologist at Stanford. It examined how heterosexual couples in the United States met. The means of meeting and year met were the variables examined, and the year of first meeting ranged from 1940 - 2009. As of 2009, friends was still the number 1 source of meeting, but social circle as a means of meeting one's romantic partner has diminished greatly since 1990. If the trend from 1990 - 2009 were to hold up, meeting one's romantic partner through friends/acquaintances would be eclipsed by meeting a partner at a bar/restaurant/public place between 2015-2019.
This study has been influential upon why I have been a primarily cold approacher. Social circle can work, but it can be an inefficient middleman. In my own life, I've never had a social circle that I could use. As a cold approacher, I go straight to the source. And yes, cold approaching in public places has downsides.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
2-3 dates a week via online is very good; its really hard to beat those numbers in real life, unless you're a total chic magnet who has ample time and money to burn.
I would agree that his quantity is good. He might have good photos and can devote enough time to swiping and texting. It is quite difficult to schedule more dates with cold approaching than it is with apps. The idea with cold approaching is that you have the in-person interaction immediately instead of the interaction through electronic screens and that more of your interactions eventually lead to sex. It is pretty easy for a man to feel worthless when he does an immense amount of swipe & text, goes for drinks at a bar, spends $20-$400, talks for 1-2 hours, doesn't get laid that night, and never sees the woman again. Describing it in those terms paints the picture of a complete waste.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlfredB1979
Most of those are good ideas, bit ixnay bars, malls and grocery stores. Bars...obvious sausage fest. Unless they have to shop, I usually see family women at my neighborhood grocer. Malls are generally dead now and I’m trying to remember...there may have been a couple of QTs when I went a few weeks back.
Bars are a sausage fest because most United States cities have a lopsided sex ratio of singles under age 40. If you are a single man under 45 looking for a woman, you are already at a disadvantage just by waking up and breathing. Later at night, bars should be used solely to get a one night stand. However, bars can be used to find more meaningful dates. It can be viable to go to a bar on a weeknight happy hour, strike up a conversation with a woman, and realize that there's an activity or passion that you share and schedule a date to do that activity. That might be the most effective use of bars for extended dating. Ratios might even be more manageable on Tuesday night at 6 pm than on Saturday night at 11:30 pm.
Malls/other retail and grocery stores come down to venue selection. In your area, you need to know which malls are still viable and which grocery stores are near singles conducive areas. You can't expect to go to a grocery store in a suburban area with mostly families and expect to see younger, childless single women there. You need to be at a grocery store near a university or near an area that is mostly populated by single people living in apartments.
It is still the easiest way to meet someone, but it is diminishing. On the whole, social circles are getting weaker. In 2012, a longitudinal (periodically updated over time) research study was released, led by a sociologist at Stanford. It examined how heterosexual couples in the United States met. The means of meeting and year met were the variables examined, and the year of first meeting ranged from 1940 - 2009. As of 2009, friends was still the number 1 source of meeting, but social circle as a means of meeting one's romantic partner has diminished greatly since 1990. If the trend from 1990 - 2009 were to hold up, meeting one's romantic partner through friends/acquaintances would be eclipsed by meeting a partner at a bar/restaurant/public place between 2015-2019.
This study has been influential upon why I have been a primarily cold approacher. Social circle can work, but it can be an inefficient middleman. In my own life, I've never had a social circle that I could use. As a cold approacher, I go straight to the source. And yes, cold approaching in public places has downsides.
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Meh. The girl I’m seeing now, after a few tinderellas and a few other flings, I met through my relatively new social circle here in Europe.
Two out of the last three LTRs I’ve had were extended social circle. The quality is just better, in general. That doesn’t mean don’t look elsewhere but honestly maintaining a good social circle nets the best results.
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