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There's something else I've been trying to figure out. After what happened with the guy, it made me wonder about my general self-worth and the way guys perceive me. Someone on this thread had asked me earlier if I come off as vulnerable and if that's what some guys(players) pick up on. Maybe its true for me now. Other classmates, school faculty members, always describe me as shy, sweet, and reserved. The guy who cheated had mentioned that was one of the things he liked about me. My shyness and sweetness(whatever the hell that means hahaha) The actual shy guys who I sometimes notice staring at me will NEVER approach but will ask about me to my friends. I attract what I'm the opposite of.
Some women are "shy and sweet" to the point where they don't know how to stand up for themselves and put the guy in a verbal headlock when they find out he's been playing around. They don't know how to not be "nice" when it comes to putting a guy in his place or walking away from the relationship.
Cheaters like shy, sweet women, rather than the ones who make damn clear from the get-go that they don't put up with crap.
Some women are "shy and sweet" to the point where they don't know how to stand up for themselves and put the guy in a verbal headlock when they find out he's been playing around. They don't know how to not be "nice" when it comes to putting a guy in his place or walking away from the relationship.
Cheaters like shy, sweet women, rather than the ones who make damn clear from the get-go that they don't put up with crap.
That is how other people have described impressions of her not necessarily how she sees herself or how she really is. Furthermore shy or sweet does not equate to weak or insecure.
Men much older than me are very interesting. I sometimes wonder sometimes why a lot of them are a lot much more respectful and interested in getting to know me versus some guys my age (NOT ALL) will tell me things like "you're really hot" as if I'm supposed to take that as a genuine compliment. I vibe with them so easily, like I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not. The conversations just flow better. Hopefully that makes sense, lol
Men older than you have had better training in that they've made all the mistakes and learned from them. These men also know better what women want, and they realize if they are to get what they want they have to give women what they want.
Call it better socialization. Older men have had more time to become better socialized, more woman-friendly. This is probably good for you because you can look forward to meeting a better quality of man as you get older.
Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit
This wasn't the first time in this thread that someone mentioned that you should aim for an older group of men. Men mature later in life than women. The differences are less apparent as the gender's ages. So often a young woman in her 20s find more men willing to focus on serious relationships in an older group (late 20s early 30s).
I agree that late 20s to early 30s may be a good range. I was late 20s when I met my fiancee who was in her early 20s in jr. college. (We never got married.)
She has TRIED "shopping for a relationship." The dudes aren't even getting in the cart.
And please don't ever use the word "suckle" ever again. In fact, just delete that whole non-PG13 section.
I couldn't +rep you but I just had to LOL! Funny post!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
OP had the issue explained to her by several people within the first pages of the thread: it's not her, it's the guys. The confident guys are trying as many women as they can, to see which ones will give them what they want. The not-confident guys aren't dating anyone, and those are probably in the majority. If the OP wants to date quality guys, guys on her wavelength, she needs to make the first move, or have her friends set her up with the shy guys who do ask them about her.
That's a good option, but I can see why it would be difficult for the OP. I'm so annoyed that we have created a society where women are discouraged from approaching men. Unfortunately we are stuck with what we have.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
It sounds like the OP is actually generating a decent amount of interest from the kind of guys she'd like to date, but those guys aren't approaching her directly. They're going through her friends, and then for some reason, things don't go any further. She needs to talk to her friends, to find out what they're saying to those guys, and to ask them to find ways to bring her together with the guys: have a pizza party & invite one of the guys, tell them she'll be attending a certain event on campus on the weekend, so they can go, and hopefully talk to her, or whatever.
I said that too earlier in the topic. OP should contact every friend she's ever heard mention interested men and tell them to say something like this: "Grace is really sweet and I know she's real lonesome. I bet if you introduce yourself she'd like meeting you and would probably date you."
I couldn't +rep you but I just had to LOL! Funny post!
That's a good option, but I can see why it would be difficult for the OP. I'm so annoyed that we have created a society where women are discouraged from approaching men. Unfortunately we are stuck with what we have.
I said that too earlier in the topic. OP should contact every friend she's ever heard mention interested men and tell them to say something like this: "Grace is really sweet and I know she's real lonesome. I bet if you introduce yourself she'd like meeting you and would probably date you."
Why can't it be that simple?
Yeah, no-brainer, you'd think, right?
I don't think we're stuck with what we have. Women have made the first move on guys they're interested in, since time immemorial. They just rarely came out and actually asked the guy out. They'd hover (now termed "orbiting"), they might invite him and his best friend to hang out, like it's a group thing, but then try to flirt with the one guy, they might have their own gf put in a good word for them with the object of their interest, they might ask the guy for help with a class assignment, and hope that goes somewhere. There's also the "I was given two tickets to X concert, but my gf's aren't into it. Would you mind keeping me company for the evening?" ploy. A shy guy already interested in her would fall on his knees and thank the Lord for the authentic miracle in his life.
Women have always had their ways to nudge a guy in the right direction. The OP needs to do that. She knows who the guys who are secretly interested in her are.She's even kind of interested in them. She needs to take matters into her own hands, or enlist the help of her friends. It's obvious the guys can't "approach" their way out of a paper bag, so she has to do something on her end.
I absolutely don’t agree that she should date older men, and I definitely don’t think she needs her friends to spread any message about her, especially that she’s lonely.
I think she needs to struggle through what most all of us older people have struggled through, and a big part of that includes calming herself down and Learning to temper her own emotions.
Joining the company of an older guy could open her up to being over her head in situations she’s not emotionally ready to handle. There’s nothing wrong with making your way along that bumpy road of college dating. No, it’s not always fun but it’s necessary.
But to do it successfully you really have to know yourself, and the fact that she is baffled about how others see her proves that she’s not quite there yet.
I think her instinct to lay off of dating for a while (even if that really only means laying off of worrying about it) is a good one.
I absolutely don’t agree that she should date older men, and I definitely don’t think she needs her friends to spread any message about her, especially that she’s lonely.
I think she needs to struggle through what most all of us older people have struggled through, and a big part of that includes calming herself down and Learning to temper her own emotions.
Joining the company of an older guy could open her up to being over her head in situations she’s not emotionally ready to handle. There’s nothing wrong with making your way along that bumpy road of college dating. No, it’s not always fun but it’s necessary.
But to do it successfully you really have to know yourself, and the fact that she is baffled about how others see her proves that she’s not quite there yet.
Yes this x1000.
She needs to learn to navigate her way through how she feels on her own. She'll learn how to train her emotions and have something to fall back on when her emotions take her to that place. It'll make her stronger and she'll be better for it.
I said that too earlier in the topic. OP should contact every friend she's ever heard mention interested men and tell them to say something like this: "Grace is really sweet and I know she's real lonesome. I bet if you introduce yourself she'd like meeting you and would probably date you."
No offense, Lovehound, but this is terrible advice.
As R4T pointed out, women have their ways of nudging a guy in the right direction. What you're suggesting would make the OP appear extremely desperate. I'm certain that's not the impression she wants to give. Additionally, the word "lonesome" has a sexual connotation.
I'm not really seeing how an older guy wouldn't want sex.
He's learned to be smoother about it but I have to think that's the category that will be not only wanting but expecting sex from his trophy college girl, or am I crazy?
And how would that help the OP - being smooth-talked and "romanced" into having sex with someone who may just see her as a toy and a distraction, for all she knows, particularly being inexperienced? But he's old enough to have figured out what girls want to hear so that's what he'll say, and do? In the end, how is that any different from what she's fearing now?
IMO she needs to stick to her peers, and just be patient and not rush any of this. We all learn, we all experience and we all grow. Being worked around by someone who's been around the block and knows how to accomplish that can only end in tears for the OP, IMHO.
I'm not really seeing how an older guy wouldn't want sex.
He's learned to be smoother about it but I have to think that's the category that will be not only wanting but expecting sex from his trophy college girl, or am I crazy?
And how would that help the OP - being smooth-talked and "romanced" into having sex with someone who may just see her as a toy and a distraction, for all she knows, particularly being inexperienced? But he's old enough to have figured out what girls want to hear so that's what he'll say, and do? In the end, how is that any different from what she's fearing now?
IMO she needs to stick to her peers, and just be patient and not rush any of this. We all learn, we all experience and we all grow. Being worked around by someone who's been around the block and knows how to accomplish that can only end in tears for the OP, IMHO.
Exactly.
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