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I can make the differentiation in speech. It's one of those "but does he like you? Or does he LIKE YOU, like you?" kinds of things. But someone upthread used the word "flirtationship" and I've never heard that one. Gotta remember that. I have plenty of those, they're fun.
I just realized I've had flirtationships in my past. They're the cute women I could have had a relationship with if I hadn't already been involved in an exclusive relationship. I'm the kind of guy who wouldn't cheat on his woman. I would have dated the flirt if I had been free to do so.
I just realized I've had flirtationships in my past. They're the cute women I could have had a relationship with if I hadn't already been involved in an exclusive relationship. I'm the kind of guy who wouldn't cheat on his woman. I would have dated the flirt if I had been free to do so.
The main flirtationship I have now, I would not date even if I were available.
Have you ever met someone who, in person, in smallish doses, is the life of the party, they are so fun to be around...but then whether in terms of what you hear, or how they post online, or something, you find that they are high-drama, high-maintenance, and you just know that being around them a lot would be exhausting and stressful?
I need peace and harmony in my home. I can go out for the drama and excitement, but I've got to be able to leave it behind and relax in my own space.
So my one friend is very flirty, with me, with everyone, even with my boyfriend. He's just like that. It's kind of how he does friendship. I am fairly sure that, had I agreed to have sex with him back when I was not in an exclusive relationship, he'd have jumped at the chance. But I knew even then, that his interests in the bedroom and mine didn't necessarily align. We'd had enough sex talk to inform me of that fact. And then there was how he is online...and his age, and where he's at in life... Just plenty of reasons not to go there.
But the flirty friendship is amusing. And he is very fun to hang out with in social gatherings.
I agree. I looked forward to a first date with a guy from OLD. We exchanged emails, messages, many things in common on profile, talked for hours and hours on the phone over a period of a couple of weeks. Finally we agreed to meet and when we did it was like the air being let loose from a balloon. There was nothing, not a spark. I couldn’t believe this was the same person and he couldn’t either. He even asked do you feel it? I laughed and said if you mean nothing, yes I feel it. Then we both laughed. He said I don’t get it and I said me neither. We both agreed we may have spent too much time on the phone first and took away some initial mystery. I don’t know. But that was it on that one.
Actually I do think too much contact can be as bad as too little. For example one woman I currently like, we've chatted on the phone so much vs. the few dates we've had that I feel more platonic friendship with her than anything else. I'm trying to find a way to stay as friends without losing the friendship or hurting her feelings.
It's strange that most of my first dates work out fine. I'm not keeping statistics but I suspect more than half go on to 2-3 dates although only a very few go past 5 dates. But that shows at least we had chemistry. Evidently just not enough.
My experience has been that when two people engage in sex, one of the other will develop feelings. And when that happens, someone will get hurt. If both develop feelings, then you go with it.
I've had sex with and developed feelings for the person, only to not have those reciprocated. Likewise, I haven't been reciprocal in the feelings the other had developed. It's a tough lesson to learn, but now unless the feelings are mutual, I won't sleep with them.
How is this different than one “catching feelings” and one maybe not catching feelings in a traditional type relationship?
IMHO...”ALL” relationships are a crap shoot. One isn’t safer in a committed relationship over a FWB because either could go south in a heart beat. It’s not like just because on or the other commits it’s all going to be unicorns and rainbows, or not committing is going to keep one from not getting their feelings hurt. You buy your ticket and you take your chances.
Last edited by Sydney123; 09-05-2018 at 02:56 PM..
I think that, given my thoughts about another thread, too...there is a problem where people cannot seem to accept that sometimes women want sex. Like, we would expect a guy to say, "I'd hit that, but she's not relationship material." It would be insulting, and mildly offensive, but common enough to hear, right? Well, sorry to say, but there are times that women feel the same way. And sometimes it isn't about the other person and whether they fit the right criteria for a relationship, but it could be about where you are in life. Maybe you've decided that for the time being, and for whatever reason, YOU aren't relationship material. But you still want to have fun, get laid, and have good company now and again.
A person can be a good fit in bed (pun mayyybe intended?) and yet not be a good fit in all aspects of your life.
There will be a school of thought, that in those situations one should not give up the sex. Especially if one is a woman. Then there are more "progressive" ideologies like my own, where just wanting to get laid is not a shameful thing, and there are ethical ways to go about doing that.
One personal ethic I developed (don't expect anyone else to agree, just my thing) is that I would ask myself, "Could I see myself falling in love with this person if we have sex?" There were some where the answer to that was YES, and some where it was definitely NO, and a bunch where it was just MAYBE. If I knew for sure it was a yes or no, I'd let them know that up front. I told one guy, "Look. I have to warn you, if we have sex, I will probably get strong feelings for you. For one thing, because you are awesome. And you can take that for the compliment it's intended to be. But if that bothers you, then it's probably best that we don't have sex." (We did not, apparently that bothered him. I'm ok with it...now. I was a little whiny about it for a minute at the time.) Another guy I knew I would not get attached to, and insisted on a very limited interaction. The maybe ones, I just let it go where it would and waited to see how it played out.
That's the main focal point of every OLD first date. Both think the other looks good on paper and sounds good on the phone. The first date is when you decide if you have chemistry! Ergo, chemistry is something that cannot be communicated in any other way than meeting in person.
I can tell almost all the time if I feel chemistry towards a new date. I mostly have to rely on her to discover if she feels it for me.
I consider chemistry as a combination of emotional attraction, physical attraction, shared interests, the feeling that you want to stick around and see if it's worth becoming a couple.
I don't think you decide if you have chemistry. It's more like a physiological reaction that just happens.
I don't think you decide if you have chemistry. It's more like a physiological reaction that just happens.
Perhaps I stated my case poorly. What I meant is that I decide if I feel chemistry with her, and she decides if she feels chemistry with me. We don't have it together unless we both feel the same thing. ... Semantics.
And there's one chance in four of that happening according to the mathematics of probability.
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