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Old 09-06-2018, 03:20 PM
 
Location: The most expensive place on earth
44 posts, read 31,966 times
Reputation: 104

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I'm getting remarried in a month after 12 years of being "single." My first marriage was completely unspectacular and honestly, I can't even picture my ex's face. I made more memories with my fiancée in a week than I did with my ex in 2 years, so I just chalk it up to a bad match, being young and stupid, whatever.

My parents have been happily married for 40 years, so I know it can happen. It's just a lot of work and a little bit of luck.
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Old 09-06-2018, 03:33 PM
 
809 posts, read 395,898 times
Reputation: 2191
I have a relative who was married for 38 years. He told me that marriages should be similar to leasing cars. That every 5 years, the couple would have to sit down and decided if to renew or divorce. Early in the marriage he was happy but they grew apart. He is much happier now living alone.

Last edited by Rastafellow; 09-06-2018 at 03:35 PM.. Reason: add text
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Old 09-06-2018, 06:09 PM
 
Location: Southern California
29,267 posts, read 16,603,995 times
Reputation: 18902
Many many yrs ago a friend told me about his mom/dad who were married like 50 yrs and got a divorce, and both were finally happy being alone. I believed the friend at the time so I guess it was true.
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Old 09-06-2018, 06:49 PM
 
Location: D.C.
2,913 posts, read 2,434,273 times
Reputation: 4005
Growing up I saw many marriages crash and burn. My parents divorced when I was 11 and had an uncle who divorced three times, plus another aunt and uncle who divorced once. I never was interested in marriage when I was younger, and even less now. I don’t really think I missed anything by not getting married, but obviously it’s important to others. Whatever makes you happy.
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Old 09-06-2018, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Southern California
29,267 posts, read 16,603,995 times
Reputation: 18902
Quote:
Originally Posted by david0966 View Post
Growing up I saw many marriages crash and burn. My parents divorced when I was 11 and had an uncle who divorced three times, plus another aunt and uncle who divorced once. I never was interested in marriage when I was younger, and even less now. I don’t really think I missed anything by not getting married, but obviously it’s important to others. Whatever makes you happy.
It's big business for law groups unless two people can do their own. Or if the two people just decide to live apart, I've heard of these arrangements. They work for many.
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Old 09-07-2018, 11:13 AM
 
Location: Southern California
29,267 posts, read 16,603,995 times
Reputation: 18902
Quote:
Originally Posted by david0966 View Post
Growing up I saw many marriages crash and burn. My parents divorced when I was 11 and had an uncle who divorced three times, plus another aunt and uncle who divorced once. I never was interested in marriage when I was younger, and even less now. I don’t really think I missed anything by not getting married, but obviously it’s important to others. Whatever makes you happy.
Thinking about your comment, "missing anything"... you could have missed joys and sorrows.

I have two good friends who were married once but never had children and I tell them the concern and worry about children and then grandkids is something these two friends are missing. I'd like to miss that a lot in my life and I only had one child and two grandkids. Being a parent it forever..unless one is so strung out and doesn't care about anything.

The more living creatures we bring into our lives the more complex it becomes. Challenge is good in many ways, BUT...there are extremes too.
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Old 09-07-2018, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,685 posts, read 41,569,643 times
Reputation: 41302
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
I often wonder, when one has had an unsuccessful marriage early in life, if they've deprived themselves of a good one by coloring any future ones with the experience of the first.
My poor "Duffo" brother married 4 times but finally found a women the 5th time that was able to show him that things didn't need to repeat if you didn't keep making the same mistakes....just celebrated their 20th this week.

Would I have the guts to keep doing that?Uh uh! No how !!
But I'm happy for them
Honestly, my mother has been married multiple times. She really should have thrown in the towel after divorcing my first stepfather (who was actually her best choice she made) because her picker was absolutely busted. Think if you have three or more marriages end in divorce, you should realize it ain’t your speed and stop before you hurt yourself again.

Far as I’m concerned, marriage would be a sentence for me and that’s why I’ll never get married. But I think it works for others I know just fine. I just have no need for it, especially since I don’t want kids.
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Old 09-07-2018, 09:12 PM
 
Location: New Yawk
9,196 posts, read 7,195,194 times
Reputation: 15313
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaminhealth View Post
Well, have you seen a lot of good marriages? I didn't and I've been around 80 yrs now.Many couples tolerated each other for a lot of years, is that good? If you really want to find marriage again, it's out there...many men are looking for a second or third or or partner. I'm assuming you are female. If I experienced a lot of good marriages, I would have said that. I did say in my initial post, I experienced some I think, from the outside anyway.
My grandma is a little older than you. In her day, people married and started families because that’s what they were “supposed to” do; there was a strong, implicit social pressure to do so, even if you weren’t all that enthusiastic about it. And if you ended up being incompatible or downright miserable, you didn’t have many other options than to “make it work”. She saw lots of unhappy marriages, lots of affairs, and later: lots of ethical non monogamy.

My generation (early 40s) didn’t have that pressure to be married by a certain age. Those who married, did so because they wanted to; those who are still married, are still married because they want to be.
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Old 09-08-2018, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Southern California
29,267 posts, read 16,603,995 times
Reputation: 18902
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginge McFantaPants View Post
My grandma is a little older than you. In her day, people married and started families because that’s what they were “supposed to” do; there was a strong, implicit social pressure to do so, even if you weren’t all that enthusiastic about it. And if you ended up being incompatible or downright miserable, you didn’t have many other options than to “make it work”. She saw lots of unhappy marriages, lots of affairs, and later: lots of ethical non monogamy.

My generation (early 40s) didn’t have that pressure to be married by a certain age. Those who married, did so because they wanted to; those who are still married, are still married because they want to be.
True, about all the marriages and the building of the country and now were overpopulated.

But there are still many issues today with marriage and thinking about my apt bldg alone it's full of single people, one married couple, 13 apartments.

Last edited by jaminhealth; 09-08-2018 at 11:08 AM..
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Old 09-08-2018, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,216 posts, read 8,275,684 times
Reputation: 8628
My mother's marriage is really good. Her and my step-dad have been together for almost 5 years and those two are still smitten over each other.
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