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Then you have to know that something like that statistic tells you nothing much about an individual person.
The only way to get to know someone is to get to know them.
I meant that none of their relationships have lasted longer than 5 years.
5 years is actually a pretty long time - I'd say anything more than a couple years qualifies as a LTR. That's the point where many people either decide to get married or move on.
I wouldn't question them anymore than someone who can't manage to be by themselves or jumps from relationship to relationship.
Longevity means nothing. I know of so many people who have been together for a long time but they are not happy. Someone is either cheating, being abusive, etc. Some are with them because they're too scared to leave or don't want to start over.
I'm now 41, and have never been in a relationship. I'm just not outgoing, and don't care to have a social life. I do what I find enjoyable, and that just doesn't involve other people, usually.
I'd been slowly losing interest in OLD through my late 30s, but any interest I had in relationships really diminished after my mom died early last year. In the last 18 months, I've probably written to less than 5 women.
I'm a woman in my 50s (healthy; not overweight; reasonably fit and active; intellectual; many interests; talented in some arenas; respected, but by no means a senior scholar, in my academic field; no "vices"; no debt; friendly; caring) who has had only one relationship, in my 40s, and it lasted less than 2 years.
I am shy, introverted, and, furthermore, for a very long time was afraid of men and insecure about myself as a person because of past abuse and assaults. I then went through a very difficult breakup with my boyfriend. The breakup was his idea, not mine--he wanted somebody wealthy, which I am not. I was deeply in love with him and didn't want to ever put myself through that heartache again. So between that and the busy-ness of my job, opportunities to meet men have been scarce, and I have not gone out of my way except rarely to make any such opportunities, which was especially difficult because, until last year, I hadn't learned to drive because of a phobia. And when I have tried to make those opportunities, nothing came of them.
I very much want a permanent LTR. I don't want anything else, but I will settle for perpetual singlehood, and be content with it, if that is how my life ultimately goes.
I would like a man. I would LOVE a man. But I do not, I think, "need" a man.
From OLD who are over 40 yo and have never been in a relationship that lasted longer than, say, 5 years. Like why haven't you been? Are you not into LTR's or do you struggle with making a relationship work or have you not had anyone interested in having a LTR with you? It generally gives me pause. What do you think?
I apologize if this topic/question has been addressed before on here.
To me it sounds like you’re saying it’s weird for them to be over 40 and never married. If a guy had never been married, then I wouldn’t have the expectation that he should’ve been in a relationship that lasted longer than five years.
Some people never find someone truly compatible and prefer to be alone, and find other channels for relationship energies, than to settle for someone unacceptable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
From OLD who are over 40 yo and have never been in a relationship that lasted longer than, say, 5 years. Like why haven't you been? Are you not into LTR's or do you struggle with making a relationship work or have you not had anyone interested in having a LTR with you? It generally gives me pause. What do you think?
I apologize if this topic/question has been addressed before on here.
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