Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've come across this a lot on OLD and usually I'll ask about it. I want to understand why they believe they've never been in a LTR. I also want to see how introspective they are and if they see their true self or if they lay blame.
Most guys that are actual friends, who fall into this category fall into it for one of two reasons. 1. they are waiting for Ms. Perfect. I mean, literally, Ms. Perfect. (only 1 found it so far, the other 3 are still looking). High expectations are a good and bad thing. But if they're happier single than w/a woman who's "close enough", then more power to them. and 2. they have some major issues that don't come up until you're with them long-term. Like ongoing depression, anger issues, conflict avoidance, family issues, etc. They can usually hide it for about a year, but then things start seeping out and they lose the woman closer to year 2 after she's "tried to deal with it".
It doesn't apply to me, but I certainly have friends who are way past 40 and never had a marriage or a LTR. They might be overweight or unattractive or shy or in some other way not considered good enough to date by anyone. Or perhaps after waiting forever, they did meet someone and had a relationship for a while but it didn't work out.
Not everybody got invited to the prom, and sometimes, high school never ends.
I was also add that for some people having a LTR isn't really all that high on their priority list. Could be a lot of reasons, even people that aren't attractive, if they really want to be in a relationship probably could find their "equivalent" out in the world. You can't be some big fat dude who doesn't have much going on looks wise or money or whatever other things that men use and expect a hot young supermodel type.
The world doesn't work that way, it's way you have phrases like water seeking it's own level, among others.
I used to work with a guy that I've known now for 20 plus years and he's never had a GF or been married. I mean never, unless he was extremely good at hiding it. You can suss out people after 20 years and ya sorta can get a bead on them, for the most part. This guy has got real intimacy issues and hides behind the excuse that he hasn't met Mrs. Right and he's holding out for that.
I think it's BS but it doesn't matter what I think, some people don't want to be in a relationship.
It would raise some flags for me I suppose, but if I spoke with a woman and she had her reasoning behind not having been in an LTR I'd at least hear her out. I'm not sure I'd file them into the round file until you can have some conversations about it.
I think that's why neither extreme is a good indicator of anything. Longevity can mean a lot of things: Fear of being alone, not wanting to deal with legal prospects of divorce, staying out of habit, staying because they truly are in love, compromising, respect for commitment, respect for their partner, settling, staying for the kids, staying out of other obligations. It could be ANYTHING. No dealbreakers here. Sounds like a nice guy.
Same for someone who may have never had a long lasting relationship: Unable to compromise, difficulties with communication, difficulty connecting, getting bored easily, settling, lack of insight, bad judgement, mooching off of those people, etc. It could be ANYTHING. yeah, all of those sound like red flags.
People are just people at the end of the day. Everyone has some type of "issue." Neither is better than the other, it just is.
uhm, yes, I think you proved the opposite of what you wanted to prove.
uhm, yes, I think you proved the opposite of what you wanted to prove.
So you think a guy staying with you because he's scared to be alone is a nice guy? That's not a red flag to you? A guy staying with you because he's afraid you'll be vindictive during a divorce, means he's a nice guy?
With all due respect, I believe you're seeing what you want to see here eve. I wasn't trying to "prove" anything, I was pointing out factors. I'm sensing an air of superiority here, in terms of marriage/LTRs and singledom, when neither makes anyone better than the other. It's simply a choice.
To me, staying for some of the reasons I listed in the longevity category is unhealthy to me. I wouldn't want someone to be with me out of fear or obligation. Staying with me for anything but love and respect would be doing me a disservice.
If you'd be happy with that, cool.
We obviously value different things.
Last edited by Auraliea; 09-10-2018 at 04:07 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
