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Don't go to popular frat parties without knowing anyone associated as an awkward male. Why are these points of clarification so difficult to grasp? Party all you want. Find parties that are welcoming. Get to know people involved with the popular frats then go to them.
Rather simple stuff guys.
I don't think the awkward or weak male thing should be reinforced. And you said yourself that YOU kicked dudes out of frat parties. That was your own experience. You did that. Admittedly I am pretty far removed from college life but you are too, bud, (I read you said you're 30). I have sources who are in college now and I will be checking with them today. I'm pretty sure in Cali no one's getting kicked out of public frat parties. I'm assuming the OP is in the US. I will agree that it would be best if he got to know some frat members first, but he doesn't know how to do that, and how long will that take?
PS- I was the one who said go to frat parties first, not JerZ.
I don't think the awkward or weak male thing should be reinforced. And you said yourself that YOU kicked dudes out of frat parties. That was your own experience. You did that. Admittedly I am pretty far removed from college life but you are too, bud, (I read you said you're 30). I have sources who are in college now and I will be checking with them today. I'm pretty sure in Cali no one's getting kicked out of public frat parties. I'm assuming the OP is in the US.
Frats are, by their very nature, exclusive. If you honestly think frats across the board are just letting all sorts of random dudes crash their parties there just isn’t much of s discussion to have here.
Frats are, by their very nature, exclusive. If you honestly think frats across the board are just letting all sorts of random dudes crash their parties there just isn’t much of s discussion to have here.
I said public frat parties, not private ones. Public ones aren't happening all year long, only at specific times. And he should go. Would it make you feel better if I said he should go to clubs? Or will it be the same argument against it from both you and him? Even if he just hugged a wall with his beer, he can watch how other more successful guys interact with girls and learn something. I don't think it's ever bad to learn how to feel comfortable in a party atmosphere.
I said public frat parties, not private ones. Public ones aren't happening all year long, only at specific times. And he should go. Would it make you feel better if I said he should go to clubs? Or will it be the same argument against it from both you and him? Even if he just hugged a wall with his beer, he can watch how other more successful guys interact with girls. I don't think it's ever bad to learn how to feel comfortable in a party atmosphere.
I wouldn’t reject clubs. Just parties where he might not be welcome.
I’m currently 22 and I’ve been in college for a few years now. Ever since I’ve first arrived here it has been one of my greatest hopes to have a girlfriend, after having no luck in that department in high school. However, right now there’s more than a few things working against me.
1. The girls in my classes aren’t usually very attractive or interesting. In addition, when in the past there have been girls in my classes who actually were, nothing ever got off the ground. Every time I would try to talk to them it just felt very forced, and they never reacted with any degree of interest. I would watch as other guys would chat the same girls up, and make them smile/laugh, etc.
2. My social circle is very small. I only hang out with the other members of my band and a few other musicians that I know, and all we end up doing is staying home, smoking/drinking, playing music, listening to records, and watching television. I never go to bars unless my band is playing, and we hardly play gigs in town anyway. I’m also the quiet one of us all, so when there are women at/after shows I get overlooked by them while my more talkative guitar player gets all the attention instead.
3. My interests are mostly solitary, or downright uninteresting to most people. I play/listen to more obscure sorts of music, brew my own mead, read old books in various languages (including translating them into English), and practice a martial art that almost no one has ever heard of.
4. The little experience I have hooking up with women has been completely reliant on either Tinder or chance encounters in which the woman in question approached me. That said, I go literal months without any sort of prospects. I have met women who were quite attractive, but circumstance never loaned itself to these flings lasting very long. I’ve gotten ditched by the hotter ones for somebody else after 1-2 weeks. The ones who didn’t do that were less attractive and somewhat weird, so it’s not like I would have kept going out with them anyway. The current count of girls I’ve done anything with stands at a mere seven, and I had sex with three of that number.
5. I don’t have much time left in college, I’ll be out of here by the end of the decade. In the off chance I did get a girlfriend in that time I would only be catching the tail end of things before graduation would tear us apart. Based on this, it’s almost more worth it to just wait until after I graduate and move out of town. However, I’ve heard it said numerous times that it gets much more difficult to find suitable women to date after college. If I cannot make it happen now, how in the sam hell would I even be able to a few years down the road? Even at this age I have such little relationship experience, and I would never settle for less attractive women or single mothers. In this regard I’m kind of in a bad spot. I can try my luck while I’m still in school only to have the days of any potential relationship I may find myself in be severely numbered right out of the gate, or wait until after I graduate and have even more difficulty meeting women than already is the case now.
At this point I solely feel that the odds are stacked against me. I wanted my lack of success to change, but things have not gone as I have hoped. I have tried to improve myself, and have read many thick books suck as Models: Attract Women Through Honesty and the Book of Pook, but to no avail. Has anyone been in a similar scenario to my own? I want so much for conditions to improve, but I’m not sure I can even get out of this one.
Maybe you just aren't ready.
Are you working a part time job? Can you fit one in? It may be a good way to meet some girls. I quoted a reply to your other post; do you drive? Consider delivering pizza.
You play the bass in the psychedelic rock band and have long hair and are having trouble meeting girls? Sounds like your band needs to put someone in charge of booking gigs. That will be where you meet women. I don't know any guy in a band, especially with long hair that doesn't meet girls. Seriously. Make a band FB page, maybe even a FB group for the band, get them out there. Use the events to announce when you're playing. I see you removed your pic from imgur, can you send me one by PM? I'm female and could be your mother. Just curious what you look like so I can give you some feedback. I dated a bass/guitar player when I was 18. I found him on FB years later; turns out he has friends that know my now hub. This guy was always serious about playing, turned me on to Motley Crue when he got a copy of their 1st album. He used to sing me On With The Show. He then joined a serious band and was touring Japan, then went on to play with some big names; one is Ace Frehley playing in Frehley's Comet.
Go look for a FB group for brewing mead. See who's already there posting, maybe you'll get lucky there is a local chapter. If not maybe there is a need for one. Start your own FB group with town name mead.
Look for a FB group for the other things you're into old books, your Germanic languages such as Old Norse and Gothic, the martial art that almost no one has ever heard of because there has to be others into the same thing as you somewhere. Maybe you're in a bad area for your interests?
I wish I knew something about Athens County, Ohio. There should be FB groups for the town, maybe even one for the college where you may be able to meet girls that way. Social media is a powerful tool. I met my now good friend on a site called NextDoor which they most likely have one for your town. The gal saw my last name, asked if I was Hungarian. Turns out she's lived around the corner from me for 8 years but I never met her because I don't have young kids. I'm 10 years older then her.
You're also at a message board called City-Data but I don't see that you went into the Ohio section, the subs are Akron - Canton, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Columbus, Dayton & Toledo; according to google maps, it looks like Columbus is closest. Make a post asking where to meet single girls your age. There's one in the NJ section where I'm from; my 33 year old son is single so I checked the thread out. Someone suggested a place that does buck a shuck (oysters) every Wednesday night but my son isn't interested.
My son is gonna be 33 next month. He wasted time on a few long term relationships that the girls weren't marriage material now he's alone. Thankfully men don't have a bio clock. He has long hair too.
Maybe you should have switched colleges but now it's too late
What kind of a career will you have when you graduate? My son installs Comcast, they do train. So does DirecTV which is how he started.
Before I get into the details, I’ll provide some background information. I am 21 years old, play bass in a band that tours regionally, and attend a large state university in the Midwest, where I’m studying German. My current life is generally good, but there is still one aspect which is lacking. I still have yet to have a serious girlfriend, and I find it somewhat frustrating. So far, I haven’t been able to meet a woman I’ve really been compatible with, and I’m not really sure how to go about it either.
With respect to women, I have always been a bit behind. I didn’t even kiss a girl until I was 19, and only lost my virginity a few months ago, at 21. So far, I’ve done things with four girls, but I only actually slept with most recent one. The rest I only got to make out with a couple of times. None of these girls hung around me for very long either, on average about a week before they stopped talking to me. However, losing my virginity has at least given me a little bit of confidence, before I was very depressed and upset about my lack of experience. Now that I’ve at least gotten that problem out of the way and actually had sex (albeit only twice), I want to meet someone I can properly date. The problem is, I don’t know where I’d look.
For starters, I am a natural introvert and my social circle is quite small. The only people I hang out with on a regular basis are my three roommates, who are also musicians like myself. I don’t go out much, and I only really go to bars when my band is playing there. Mostly I just spend time at my house either smoking weed, playing guitar, or listening to records. My hobbies are fairly solitary and unusual as well, for example I learn ancient Germanic languages such as Old Norse and Gothic for fun. Currently, I don’t have any real outlet to meet women.
In addition, my worldview is quite different from that of most people where I live, and this greatly alienates me from the women there. My town is very left-leaning and full of hippies, while I tend to lean more towards the right (NOT Republican or Alt-Right though). This means that the majority of people where I live annoy the hell out of me. Most of the women around here won’t shut up about social “activism” or political causes that I’m sick of hearing about. Paradoxically, I still have the outward appearance of a hippie because I have really long hair, smoke weed, and play in a psychedelic rock band (here’s what I look like for reference: http://imgur.com/jVpj3iJ). Because I appear as a hippie at first glance, the only girls that have shown any interest in me are the hippie types, and thus I’d have to censor my true worldview in front of them. I feel like it would be difficult for a woman to fall for the real me.
Because to all of these factors, I don’t know what I should do. It’s hard for me to meet women, let alone any I’d actually have a genuine compatibility with. I mean, what woman would want to have a serious relationship with a weird, long-haired, introverted, right-leaning bass player who’s never had a proper girlfriend before and translates passages from Old Norse into English for fun? That one would probably be the weirdest chick ever, and she probably doesn’t even exist regardless. Anyway, would anybody have any advice for a guy like me? Should I keep trying my luck, or should I not worry about it for now?
Quote:
Originally Posted by odin77
I'm just not sure if I'd find anyone properly suited to me. The problem I have presents itself as a sort of paradox. On one hand I have long hair, smoke weed, and play in a rock band. This, my outward appearance alone will attract more hippie-type girls. However, these same sorts of women, though they can be quite pretty, tend to party a lot and sleep around. I just wouldn't be able to handle a girl like that.
By contrast, if would I go for women who were more quiet and studious, like myself, there would also be problems. These girls tend to be harder to find, and even if I found one she may be turned off by my appearance, or my weed habit. Thus, I'm torn between going by my outward appearance versus my own personality. I doubt there's very many women out there who are attractive, don't party or sleep around, listen to psychedelic rock, smoke weed, don't subscribe to the leftist dogma that is present everywhere where I live, AND happen to be into things like history, Germanic culture, and linguistics. That type of woman does not exist, I'm almost universally convinced.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
With a nice, positive attitude like that, you should go far!
Odin, she doesn't have to be your exact duplicate. And just because someone's studious and doesn't party doesn't mean they don't like guys with long hair and noisy music. Or are closed to the idea of doing weed. You have a lot of limiting beliefs, here. You're thinking in stereotypes, while the real world is breathtakingly diverse.
Besides, you haven't even begun to look around; you say you only recently changed your major to German/Germanic, and you haven't had any idea where to look for the non-party girls. So, you're basically at Square One, after 3 years of college. The fact is, you have no idea what's out there, waiting to be discovered.
I have no doubt that there are studious, intellectual and creative women who hold your same illusions; that all the guys at their school are into partying. Some of these women spend some of their Fri. nights ordering pizza with their dormies, who likewise aren't into the party scene. Others find stuff to do, like some kind of campus club, the poetry open-mic, or may organize their own interest group, or hang out with the local medieval group in town (which I mentioned earlier), or other groups.
Quote:
Originally Posted by odin77
Isn't it a lot harder to meet someone after college though? I kind of want to have a gf while I'm still relatively young as well, it'd be pretty lame to miss out on something like that. Plus women are usually paired off by mid/late 20s anyway, so that would make it even more difficult. I feel like this time in my life is my last chance. I've been officially "looking for a girlfriend" for nearly three years now, this is growing tiresome.
Women may be "paired off" as you say but the 20's relationships usually don't last till 30's cause people change. You may end up falling in love with someone that has a kid or 2 though..
I'm still reading through but nothing matters more than this:
What is your location????
I think I got laid maybe ONCE from an older girl in my university in freshman year the rest of my successful interactions were actually OFF CAMPUS. I did not date anyone at all from my University. They all went to other schools. (In fact these days with Title IX I would not get intimate at all with any fellow students period. Even with texts or testimonies all it takes is one false allegation and you're expelled out on your butt.)
Either way if you go to a preppy or high ranked school a lot of the Women will be stuck up. Go to the community college next door get into parties. If they ask why you're there tell them you want to hang with some real people. Just keep it to alcohol though don't do any drugs from dealers you don't know. And use a condom always. STDs are rampant in your age range (and unwanted pregnancies)
Also while I don't agree with all his stances, you should check out "Real Social Dynamics" on YouTube. After reading through your OP it seems you live in a small town so his channel has videos specifically on that dynamic.
Are you doing everything you can to optimize your physical attractiveness? Are you lifting, eating right?
The time opportunity cost he needs to maximize his music skills before worrying about lifting. There are plenty of Women that like the skinny musician type. But if he's not good compared to the competition the quickest return on investment will come from practicing and getting better sound.
I have two sons currently in college at a major state university, and the frats there don't look kindly on random guys showing up at their parties. Besides, Odin has already said it's not his scene.
Anyway ...
OP you know the deal here. We've talked about this before. #1 you're worrying yourself into making this a problem when it really isn't one yet.
Your OP is very contradictory; you say there are no good-looking women, but then you mention girls who obviously were attractive enough for you to ask out.
You have very specific and solitary interests that don't put you in contact with many women, and you mostly hang out with dudes and are quiet when you do get in groups. (At any rate, there are some women like me who DO seek out the quiet ones.)
It sounds like you need to step up your personal care and open your mind to women you may not think of as prospects.
Have you taken any of the advice from this thread a year ago???
The time opportunity cost he needs to maximize his music skills before worrying about lifting. There are plenty of Women that like the skinny musician type. But if he's not good compared to the competition the quickest return on investment will come from practicing and getting better sound.
True true. But if he’s skinny fat and not the typical rocker skinny he’s still gonna have a problem.
I'm still reading through but nothing matters more than this:
What is your location????
I think I got laid maybe ONCE from an older girl in my university in freshman year the rest of my successful interactions were actually OFF CAMPUS. I did not date anyone at all from my University. They all went to other schools. (In fact these days with Title IX I would not get intimate at all with any fellow students period. Even with texts or testimonies all it takes is one false allegation and you're expelled out on your butt.)
Either way if you go to a preppy or high ranked school a lot of the Women will be stuck up. Go to the community college next door get into parties. If they ask why you're there tell them you want to hang with some real people. Just keep it to alcohol though don't do any drugs from dealers you don't know. And use a condom always. STDs are rampant in your age range (and unwanted pregnancies)
Also while I don't agree with all his stances, you should check out "Real Social Dynamics" on YouTube. After reading through your OP it seems you live in a small town so his channel has videos specifically on that dynamic.
I go to a larger public university somewhere in Ohio. I have also seen a few videos from RSD, sometimes I watch them on youtube and take notes about what they're saying. Unfortunately I haven't had much opportunity to put those ideas into practice yet.
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