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In any event, I welcome all comments and specific advice regarding how to proceed. I've made an appt to consult with a lawyer next week to get realistic expectations about my case and factual info about our state laws.
That's really smart. I suggest you absorb what it will cost you in terms of assets and spousal support, then think long and hard about how much additional money you want to spend fighting with him in court. Would it be more palatable to simply offer a bit extra, beyond what your state law says he gets, in order to avoid the stress and cost of a long court battle? If yes, make that offer conditional on his cooperation.
IMO, he has been manipulating you for some time now. When he realizes that you really are done with him, he is likely to be angry and uncooperative. Be prepared for that.
If the two of you can agree on terms, you can use a paralegal service to file everything. This is much less expensive than each of you retaining an attorney. However, it only works if you can agree on terms.
That's really smart. I suggest you absorb what it will cost you in terms of assets and spousal support, then think long and hard about how much additional money you want to spend fighting with him in court. Would it be more palatable to simply offer a bit extra, beyond what your state law says he gets, in order to avoid the stress and cost of a long court battle? If yes, make that offer conditional on his cooperation.
If the two of you can agree on terms, you can use a paralegal service to file everything. This is much less expensive than each of you retaining an attorney. However, it only works if you can agree on terms.
100% agree.
Quote:
IMO, he has been manipulating you for some time now. When he realizes that you really are done with him, he is likely to be angry and uncooperative. Be prepared for that.
He will either get really angry or he'll become really sweet and try to sweet talk her into staying married to him (because he's desperate). I've seen this happen before and the spouse always falls for it.
People don't change much. He was all of these things when you married him. Why people ignore these things is beyond me.
Why was it enough then and not enough now?
Did you continue to grow and he didn't?
Do you even love the guy?
If you love him and he loves you, and you guys are really compatible, then he needs to get off his tail and work to pay his debt. It's a shame you guys can't even buy property without risking losing it.
If you don't love him and you are confident that he is not going to contribute like an adult, divorce him and be done with it.
People don't change much. He was all of these things when you married him. Why people ignore these things is beyond me.
Some people are VERY good at manipulating others and concealing who they really are. They choose their targets carefully. One great place to find targets is...a church.
Our (humans) default assumption is that others think just the same way we do. So you find an honest person, you present yourself as an honest person, and they easily accept that you are an honest person. Then you can begin manipulating them.
Of course, I have no idea if this applies to OP's husband or not, but what she has written is certainly suspicious.
Currently, he spends the day playing video games on his phone and on the TV. At 52 years old! Then on my days off from work he either wants to go to the movies, restaurants or look at new homes to purchase....most of which are way out of my price range.
Now that I've made my decision, I need advice as how to interact with him on a day to day basis. He doesn't know my frustrations have escalated to this point yet. My lawyer meeting is next week and I dont wanna say anything until after that. He feels the iciness and asks me whats wrong. The minute I start talking about money or his child support he shuts me down. When were not talking about these things we really dont argue. I feel fake most of the day as Im seething inside.
Im sorry I let this go on so long, but I was tryna honor my vows of "better or worse". ☹
Last edited by Nkotb2013; 09-28-2018 at 11:25 AM..
You understood his was him before you married him, correct?
I don’t know if you’re going to be able to do anything with someone who has this type of history and excuses.
It sounds like You allowed your desire to not feel alone override your better judgment in other areas and settled on a bum who was always available to you.
Currently, he spends the day playing video games on his phone and on the TV. At 52 years old! Then on my days off from work he either wants to go to the movies, restaurants or look at new homes to purchase....most of which are way out of my price range.
Now that I've made my decision, I need advice as how to interact with him on a day to day basis. He doesn't know my frustrations have escalated to this point yet. My lawyer meeting is next week and I dont wanna say anything until after that. He feels the iciness asks me whats wrong. The minute I start talking about money or his child support he shuts me down. When were not talking about these things we really dont argue. I feel fake most of the day as Im seething inside.
Im sorry I let this go on so long, but I was tryna honor my vows of "better or worse". ☹
OP, IMO, you are playing this out the right and safest way. Keep your thoughts to yourself and be cordial. I would not let on to your discontentment until after you seek counsel from an attorney and have a clear idea how to plan your separation/divorce.
As to your concern about "being a failure" if you divorce the guy, I don't see anything of the sort. I see and sense a woman who wants to find some peace and joy in her life and aims to find that. There is nothing wrong with that at all.
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