Ladies, how nice is your husband? (guys, single, like, bitter)
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Okay, this is what I'm talking about. Just now I jokingly commented to my SO that a new in-law thought I was the younger sister of my brother, when I'm actually the older one. Without missing a beat, his head buried in the fridge, my SO mutters under his breath (but so I could hear him, of course), "She needs to get her prescription updated..." I suppose some people would think that's horrible, but I laughed out loud and cursed him out.
We have a house rule that if it's funny...... you can say it.
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When I was dating my first husband, he seemed like the most level headed, sweetest, charming, nicest guy a girl could possibly wish for. He never seemed stressed out or phased about anything...
And then we got married.
The first night he hit me was just a few days later. To the outside world, he was still pleasant, friendly, a gentleman and the epitome of kindness. It certainly wasn't the case behind closed doors. Needless to say, the marriage didn't last long.
Incidentally, I found out through the gossip mill that he recently got divorced again (after being married to his second wife about the same length of time I was to him), so chances are, it was for the same reasons.
Since then, I've generally mistrusted anybody who seems "too nice", because I've come to believe that as humans, nobody can really be nice, sweet, and kind 100% of the time, even genuinely good people. If someone seems like they're always the sweetest person on earth, I would be inclined to think they're hiding a dark side.
My current husband has his faults (as do I), but at least everyone knows where they stand with him. He's generally a pretty quiet, not very sociable kind of guy, but he certainly has his opinions and I like that. He's very transparent, and won't put on a "show" for anyone and never attempts to be something he's not and is always genuine- which is usually a positive. A 100% improvement on my first husband for sure!
When I was dating my first husband, he seemed like the most level headed, sweetest, charming, nicest guy a girl could possibly wish for. He never seemed stressed out or phased about anything...
And then we got married.
The first night he hit me was just a few days later. To the outside world, he was still pleasant, friendly, a gentleman and the epitome of kindness. It certainly wasn't the case behind closed doors. Needless to say, the marriage didn't last long.
Incidentally, I found out through the gossip mill that he recently got divorced again (after being married to his second wife about the same length of time I was to him), so chances are, it was for the same reasons.
Since then, I've generally mistrusted anybody who seems "too nice", because I've come to believe that as humans, nobody can really be nice, sweet, and kind 100% of the time, even genuinely good people. If someone seems like they're always the sweetest person on earth, I would be inclined to think they're hiding a dark side.
My current husband has his faults (as do I), but at least everyone knows where they stand with him. He's generally a pretty quiet, not very sociable kind of guy, but he certainly has his opinions and I like that. He's very transparent, and won't put on a "show" for anyone and never attempts to be something he's not and is always genuine- which is usually a positive. A 100% improvement on my first husband for sure!
If you don’t mind my asking, how long did you date your first husband before you married him?
Psychologically we all have a dark side. Mr. Rogers had a dark side, I’m sure. I believe you need it to be a complete, healthy person. There are some times that you have to stand up for yourself, and you need to be in touch with a selfish, dominating side of yourself to be able to do it. People who suppress that dark side are the ones who snap with uncontrollable anger, in my opinion.
If you don’t mind my asking, how long did you date your first husband before you married him?
Psychologically we all have a dark side. Mr. Rogers had a dark side, I’m sure. I believe you need it to be a complete, healthy person. There are some times that you have to stand up for yourself, and you need to be in touch with a selfish, dominating side of yourself to be able to do it. People who suppress that dark side are the ones who snap with uncontrollable anger, in my opinion.
Almost a year. However, we didn't live together prior to marriage. The mutual friend who introduced us in the first place (who had known him 2+ years prior) was as shocked as I was that he turned out to be so abusive and controlling. I genuinely hope that he's getting the psychological help he needs.
Almost a year. However, we didn't live together prior to marriage. The mutual friend who introduced us in the first place (who had known him 2+ years prior) was as shocked as I was that he turned out to be so abusive and controlling. I genuinely hope that he's getting the psychological help he needs.
Re: the 2nd bolded passage, I agree.
Yeah, I’ve always heard to date someone at least a year. Not judging, I just think it’s tragic and says a lot (of bad things) about him that he could suppress that side of himself for that long. But then, there were lots of negative sides of my dad’s personality and habits that he hid from my mom prior to marrying her, and they dated for a year and a half, so I guess it’s possible to hold out that long or longer.
My husband and I have been married for 42 years so we have a lot of history together. Over the years, when I told him he had hurt my feelings, he would say I need to "not be so sensitive" and "grow a pair" and "you should have married a woman." Now that he is retired and has less career stress, he is sweet and sentimental and.....ironically, more like a woman. The adage about men is true. "Men are like fine wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age."
My brother-in -law is somewhat like what you describe. I wouldn't describe him as sweet but very calm, sensible, kind and helpful. I have never heard him raise his voice and they have four children who are now adults. He has an interesting way of handling issues. When his oldest daughter was being disrespectful, he simply removed the door to her bedroom and he wouldn't attach it until her attitude improved. He is an engineer and by nature he is a problem solver. His son, also an engineer, is the same way. However, neither my brother-in-law nor his son are boring people. They can hold a conversation very well. So maybe it's the engineering temperament.
We have a house rule that if it's funny...... you can say it.
(Couldn't rep you.) Exactly, lol. Sometimes it's like, "Dayummmmm, that was brutal!" As we're both laughing our butts off. Obviously, it's not for everyone.
(Couldn't rep you.) Exactly, lol. Sometimes it's like, "Dayummmmm, that was brutal!" As we're both laughing our butts off. Obviously, it's not for everyone.
Yeah, it can lead to true love or divorce.... 50/50.
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My husband is super nice! But also can be sarcastic, thank goodness. I couldn't be with someone who didn't have a serious sense of humor (because I'm sarcastic and funny as heck!)
Same. I love smartass types of guys who can do witty banter and be "mean" in a playful way.
OP, I've dated a very nice man who rarely got angry, and when he did get angry, he was never "scary" (unlike some men I've dated who punched holes in walls or kicked over furniture and smashed things in fits of rage like angry toddlers). Expecting a human to never get mad is unrealistic, but you can absolutely meet a guy who is laid back, calm and handles anger and problems in a mature way.
I don't know about being syrupy sweet though... my ex was nice, kind, said sweet things to me on occasion, but he wasn't ultra romantic or sweet. I've sadly found that many men who seem over-the-top nice and perfect seem to have a scary dark side, swinging from one extreme to the other. A laid-back man is going to be more steady in his behavior and emotions.
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