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I know all you ladies will want to jump in here and start screaming at me (lol) but this question is for the guys.
I am starting to see this more and more on the dating site.... single guys who are saying that relationships are fine but that they want to be friends first. What the hell does that mean? I want to hear this from the guys perspective. Explain exactly what they mean since I am seeing this more?
That is a possibility but they make it a point to say the "relationships are fine" part. I've encountered around 3 guys so far who've said it like this so far.
I am starting to see this more and more on the dating site.... single guys who are saying that relationships are fine but that they want to be friends first. What the hell does that mean? I want to hear this from the guys perspective. Explain exactly what they mean since I am seeing this more?
Men like me believe that becoming friends is the first stage in becoming lovers, and stating this indicates they are probably not into casual sex. It's a way to sort matches into 'interested in LTR' from 'interested in casual sex.'
One bad outcome is people 'falling in sex' instead of 'falling in love.' Then one day you wake up and discover you don't like your partner despite the sex. I'm sure that leads to many divorces if the couple gets married. Most people agree that you need more than sex to have a successful enduring marriage or successful LTR.
It's interesting that my profile and the profiles of many of my online matches generally state or paraphrase 'looking for a long term relationship.' I see no need to add the phrase about 'friends first' because IMO it's redundant or obvious once you state 'looking for LTR.'
I know all you ladies will want to jump in here and start screaming at me (lol) but this question is for the guys.
I am starting to see this more and more on the dating site.... single guys who are saying that relationships are fine but that they want to be friends first. What the hell does that mean? I want to hear this from the guys perspective. Explain exactly what they mean since I am seeing this more?
Maybe just that. My wife and I were friends before we started dating. By friends I mean we talked, spent time together in a non sexual platonic way. We did this fir about three m8 this befire we started a committed relationship.
What these guys are saying is theire ok with a platonic relationship and if sex/serious dating happens theire cool with it too.
Men like me believe that becoming friends is the first stage in becoming lovers, and stating this indicates they are probably not into casual sex. It's a way to sort matches into 'interested in LTR' from 'interested in casual sex.'
One bad outcome is people 'falling in sex' instead of 'falling in love.' Then one day you wake up and discover you don't like your partner despite the sex. I'm sure that leads to many divorces if the couple gets married. Most people agree that you need more than sex to have a successful enduring marriage or successful LTR.
It's interesting that my profile and the profiles of many of my online matches generally state or paraphrase 'looking for a long term relationship.' I see no need to add the phrase about 'friends first' because IMO it's redundant or obvious once you state 'looking for LTR.'
Yes, I'm all for NOT "falling in sex". I don't want casual sex, I want to fall in love too but specifically saying "friends first" makes me think of all sorts of things that I don't like, like FWB or maybe they are asexual and trying to hide it, or maybe they don't want to take me out on dates and just want to chill at the house like brother and sister...and more that I won't go on with. I'm hoping that we mean and want the same thing but just describe it differently, but you never know. I never cease to be amazed at the things I learn.
That is a possibility but they make it a point to say the "relationships are fine" part. I've encountered around 3 guys so far who've said it like this so far.
Yeah, it's still confusing really.
Ya know, this makes me glad that I'm past the dating age (or long time married, take your pick) and don't have to put up with this.
That said, if I were to be back in the game looking for a woman with which to spend time I really doubt I'd go the online route.
What dating sites are you using? I've tried a few in the past, and more recently... I got divorced almost two years ago, but I met my exwife on a dating website way back in 2001.
I gave online dating another try after my divorce. I am not a type of person who goes to bars, and I didn't really want to justw alk up to women at the grocery store . But, many of the dating websites just have you look at random profiles and see who you like. Then, you write to them - tons of them, before you finally get a reply. '
But pretty girls get tons of guys contacting them. I think these sites usually have way more guys than women. Anyway, from a guy's point of view - it is hard to compete with 100 other guys. I say 100, because I know that on Matchmaker.com (what I used to meet my last wife of 15 years), a person could not get a message if they had 100 unread messages. So, you would see women with new profiles fill up very quick - and your message could not even get thru. 100 messages in just their 1st week, and you are supposed to stand out among all the other people?.
I gave E-Harmony a try last year, and I have been dating my current girlfriend for 18 months now. I like that eharmony only gives you 5 matches a day. And, it's based on compatibility of your profile. It was like $150 for 6 months when I did it, so it wasn't cheap. But, you get people seriously interested in meeting someone - since they spend that much money.
Sites like Tinder have too many people playing games.
Now, I don't understand the people on eharmony that spend all that money, but then don't take the time to answer very many of the profile questions. There are like 200+questions. It took me 2 hours to initially set up my profile.
But it is much more interesting to view profiles of people who answer these questions. You get a lot more information, and not quite as many games.
You may want to look into that site. It is uncanny how good my girlfriend and I get along.
Maybe just that. My wife and I were friends before we started dating. By friends I mean we talked, spent time together in a non sexual platonic way. We did this fir about three m8 this befire we started a committed relationship.
What these guys are saying is theire ok with a platonic relationship and if sex/serious dating happens theire cool with it too.
Non-sexual platonic? Hmmmmm.......
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. But, many of the dating websites just have you look at random profiles and see who you like. Then, you write to them - tons of them, before you finally get a reply. '
