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The thing is, I didn't think she would see it as exciting news and would perhaps feel a little perplexed as to why I was crying over my wife as late as July and then in a new relationship a few weeks on. I know it seems strange but I just feel an amazing connection to this new partner of mine. We have both been through hard times and we know that we will face any obstacle together in the future. I feel very lucky to have met someone so soon after my separation. Someone who I know I will be with for a very long time.
I guess it wasn't embarrassment on my part, nor was it the fact that Emily would judge me, its just I didn't feel ready to tell her.
The thing is, I didn't think she would see it as exciting news and would perhaps feel a little perplexed as to why I was crying over my wife as late as July and then in a new relationship a few weeks on. I know it seems strange but I just feel an amazing connection to this new partner of mine. We have both been through hard times and we know that we will face any obstacle together in the future. I feel very lucky to have met someone so soon after my separation. Someone who I know I will be with for a very long time.
I guess it wasn't embarrassment on my part, nor was it the fact that Emily would judge me, its just I didn't feel ready to tell her.
If I was your friend, I would not not talk to you anymore either. Crying over the wife in July and happily dating in August? Wow. Your grief must have been deep ... not.
She stood by you in your worst time .. or so she thought .. which now seems it wasn't that bad because it didn't even take you a month to get over the wife. Another story that proves how fast replacable people are. The bed was still warm, the tears still rolling down the cheeks but your mind is already so free that you are able to fall in love. I would feel used and like I wasted my time on you. You felt ready to date but you didn't feel ready to tell your friend. Hmm.
Good for you. I wish I was like that. I cry longer than two weeks about shorter relationships.
The thing is, I didn't think she would see it as exciting news and would perhaps feel a little perplexed as to why I was crying over my wife as late as July and then in a new relationship a few weeks on.
A friend would understand and be happy for you. You never even gave her the opportunity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueplanet123
I know it seems strange but I just feel an amazing connection to this new partner of mine. We have both been through hard times and we know that we will face any obstacle together in the future. I feel very lucky to have met someone so soon after my separation. Someone who I know I will be with for a very long time.
So you have no need for Emily anymore. Except when you need a babysitter. You don't care about what she needs. And you don't see why it would bother her? Sorry, but you're a lousy friend.
The thing is, I didn't think she would see it as exciting news and would perhaps feel a little perplexed as to why I was crying over my wife as late as July and then in a new relationship a few weeks on. I know it seems strange but I just feel an amazing connection to this new partner of mine. We have both been through hard times and we know that we will face any obstacle together in the future. I feel very lucky to have met someone so soon after my separation. Someone who I know I will be with for a very long time.
I guess it wasn't embarrassment on my part, nor was it the fact that Emily would judge me, its just I didn't feel ready to tell her.
Boy o boy, you don't know that yet. You're on the rebound and in honeymoon phase.
If it all goes pear-shape, don't count on Emily being there to dry your renewed tears.
I don't know if she has romantic feelings for you but it certainly sounds like you took her for granted (and still are by having her babysit your child), and she probably feels used. You leaned on her quite heavily for a while, and then completely abandoned her when you got the new girlfriend.
I don't know if she has romantic feelings for you but it certainly sounds like you took her for granted (and still are by having her babysit your child), and she probably feels used. You leaned on her quite heavily for a while, and then completely abandoned her when you got the new girlfriend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueplanet123
Like I said, she can't expect me to keep up the level of contact we used to have but that doesn't mean I am not there do her if she needs me.
Only because you don't need her shoulder anymore?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueplanet123
I can imagine she feels surprised but her reaction seemed upset/hostile and angry which in turn makes me feel a little annoyed as surely it isn't her place to judge me, only support?
Her place is to support you?? Get on with your selfish self.
Even if she doesn't have romantic feelings for you consider:
She was there for you even when she was going through a hard time. You went MIA from being there for her, said it was because of work, and she finds out you were lying and spending your time with someone new.
So you kinda dumped her, as a friend, as soon as someone new came along.
Just as a friend, she has reason to be upset with you IMO.
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Woah. Remember I was the one who got cheated on?
I deserve to be happy and I am not letting a good woman get away. I had months of emotional pain and now I am finally feeling my old self thanks to my partner.
I never ignored Emily. I just haven't been contacting her constantly like I was. I would hope she would understand that now I am in a better place, I am not as needy but she knows she can contact me anytime she needs. I have not abandoned her like it has been suggested and she was the one who offered to babysit.
As I said, I didn't tell her as I thought it would confuse her. I feel like I have cried all my tears over my ex and have got it out of my system. My plan now is to seek new things to forget the past. My partner and I have an understanding and a closeness which has developed from our past hurtful experiences. She makes me feel desirable and needed. The connection is insane and I feel so supported by her.
I would have told Emily in time, it just didn't feel right at this point.
If I wasn't confident about this relationship with my partner, I wouldn't be in it. When something feels right you go for it and at my age, I don't want to waste time. I believe this is my shot at happiness. I have been feeling down for so long but I have turned a corner now and feel very thankful to my partner for bringing me some happiness back. But feeling that doesn't make me a bad friend to Emily.
Your the one who said you went quiet on your friend for a month, and we only know what you tell us.
Keep in mind, for your own emotional health, that everyone seems wonderful at 2 months, doesn't mean they will at 8 months. You go in so hard, you will come down twice as hard if it doesn't work.
"I deserve happiness" is the usual cry from those who will step on others trying to get it, it comes across as very self centered.
When your wife had an affair, she may well have been thinking that very thing....
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Woah. Remember I was the one who got cheated on?
I deserve to be happy and I am not letting a good woman get away. I had months of emotional pain and now I am finally feeling my old self thanks to my partner.
You being cheated on has nothing to do with how you've treated Emily. Sure, you deserve to be happy, but Emily deserves a friend who honors the friendship all the time, not just when he needs a shoulder to cry on.
.....Emily, was a massive support and very kind to me. I admit I was very needy and emotional, texting her most, if not everyday and crying in front of her often. I was heartbroken. Emily was/is also going through a tough time with her health........ I can imagine she feels surprised but her reaction seemed upset/hostile and angry which in turn makes me feel a little annoyed as surely it isn't her place to judge me, only support? ......
Big mistake on your part. Huge. Humongous.
It isn't "her place" to support you or do anything for you. She owes you nothing. Nada. Zilch. She never did. Except now it is her place to offer her judgement.
She supported you, she put up with your emotional weaknesses and you crying a lot and feeling sorry for yourself and she allowed you to use her for free because she cared about you as more than just a friend.
Did you at any time during this brief relationship of your friend supporting you, ever give her a gift as a show of your appreciation for all she did for you? Did you give her a greeting card as thanks for all she's done for you? Did you treat her out to lunch or dinner for being so supportive of you? Did you do things for her, like you babysitting her grandchildren, or do her shopping for her, or any other little chores like that?
And babysitting your grandkid ??? What the hell is that all about, why didn't you arrange for a paid babysitter if you had a dental appointment? You do NOT ask friends to take over your family responsibilities or obligations for you.
Did Emily even know that you had joined a single parents group? And if she is such a good friend of yours that you have relied on so much then why did you hide from her the fact that you had become romantically involved with another woman at the same time you were using Emily as your emotional support system? Because you already knew Emily had feelings for you and you were taking advantage of her. Does the woman you're romantically involved with know about your friend Emily? Does she know what Emily has done for you? I bet not, I bet she knows nothing about Emily.
You owe Emily big time. The least you can do is apologize to her for the cold slap of ice water in the face that you so carelessly left for her on the table and tell her the truth, then let her go. You can't have your cake and eat it too so accept that you have just lost your support system. Better get used to taking responsibililty and looking after your own self instead of depending on others to carry your load.
Man, you are clueless. Is that why your wife left you too?
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