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I am a 51 year old guy whose wife cheated on him recently. We were married for 14 years so this came completely out of the blue. I found out in January but it wasn't until April that I asked her to leave. I was hoping for a reconciliation but in July she announced she didn't want to continue our marriage. During this time my friend, lets call her, Emily, was a massive support and very kind to me. I admit I was very needy and emotional, texting her most, if not everyday and crying in front of her often. I was heartbroken.
Emily was/is also going through a tough time with her health (I can't disclose it as it may well 'out me) so it was even more remarkable that she was there for me. At the same time, I made it clear I was there for her too.
I joined a single parent group at the end of July and met an amazing woman there. We got into a relationship a week later and have now been together 2 months. I know this sounds rushed but I deserve happiness and we do have such a connection which gets deeper all the time. I admit that throughout August I was quiet with Emily as was caught up with work and my new relationship and I did notice Emily seemed a little distant with me even back then. I didnt tell her about the relationship as thought I would wait a couple months.
Yesterday, Emily came to my house as she was looking after my grandson for me while I went to the dentist. When I came home she seemed very quiet and wouldn't look me in the eye. I then noticed I had left a card out for my girlfriend which was talking about our 2 month anniversary. I think she had seen it as my grandson toys were next to the card on the table and her reaction said it all as in, she had definitely seen it. I was trying to talk to her but was getting nothing out of her at all and she eventually said she was leaving. It's my birthday tomorrow and I noticed a gift in her bag but she never gave it to me.
I now feel embarrassed and unsettled. Does she have feelings for me and is now heartbroken? I can imagine she feels surprised but her reaction seemed upset/hostile and angry which in turn makes me feel a little annoyed as surely it isn't her place to judge me, only support? I understand I am not in touch so much now but I couldn't keep that level of contact up long-term and she knew I was going through a terrible time.
Thoughts?
I am a 51 year old guy whose wife cheated on him recently. We were married for 14 years so this came completely out of the blue. I found out in January but it wasn't until April that I asked her to leave. I was hoping for a reconciliation but in July she announced she didn't want to continue our marriage. During this time my friend, lets call her, Emily, was a massive support and very kind to me. I admit I was very needy and emotional, texting her most, if not everyday and crying in front of her often. I was heartbroken.
Emily was/is also going through a tough time with her health (I can't disclose it as it may well 'out me) so it was even more remarkable that she was there for me. At the same time, I made it clear I was there for her too.
I joined a single parent group at the end of July and met an amazing woman there. We got into a relationship a week later and have now been together 2 months. I know this sounds rushed but I deserve happiness and we do have such a connection which gets deeper all the time. I admit that throughout August I was quiet with Emily as was caught up with work and my new relationship and I did notice Emily seemed a little distant with me even back then. I didnt tell her about the relationship as thought I would wait a couple months.
Yesterday, Emily came to my house as she was looking after my grandson for me while I went to the dentist. When I came home she seemed very quiet and wouldn't look me in the eye. I then noticed I had left a card out for my girlfriend which was talking about our 2 month anniversary. I think she had seen it as my grandson toys were next to the card on the table and her reaction said it all as in, she had definitely seen it. I was trying to talk to her but was getting nothing out of her at all and she eventually said she was leaving. It's my birthday tomorrow and I noticed a gift in her bag but she never gave it to me.
I now feel embarrassed and unsettled. Does she have feelings for me and is now heartbroken? I can imagine she feels surprised but her reaction seemed upset/hostile and angry which in turn makes me feel a little annoyed as surely it isn't her place to judge me, only support? I understand I am not in touch so much now but I couldn't keep that level of contact up long-term and she knew I was going through a terrible time.
Thoughts?
Yes. This should have been obvious. I realize that you've been out of the dating loop for a while, but a woman who keeps coming by an available man's house all the time might have more than friendship on her mind.
In my part of the world, you were what's known as a Casserole Magnet. You just didn't pick up on the clues.
Don't confront her with it. Simply wait a couple of weeks and invite her to coffee. Tell her that you're sorry to have been so remiss in spending time with her. Chances are, she'll tell you what's up.
I would be surprised if she had feelings for me. She is quite a lot younger for a start.
I always said I saw her as family /a friend so never gave mixed signals although like I said, I really don't think she is attracted to me.
I would be surprised if she had feelings for me. She is quite a lot younger for a start.
I always said I saw her as family /a friend so never gave mixed signals although like I said, I really don't think she is attracted to me.
Age becomes less important the older you get. There are women who have a thing for older men. They like the stability that older men have to offer.
I wouldn't assume she has feelings for you. It's possible she just feels taken advantage of. You needed her support and cried to her frequently, but as soon as you found a girlfriend (who you've dated for two months and never told her), you no longer have any need for her, other than as a babysitter. She's probably feeling used and cast aside.
You also mentioned that she's having a rough time as well. She may still be in need of support, which you haven't been willing to provide the past couple of months. That's hurtful as well.
I have to say, I hadn't thought of the realisation that she might have romantic feelings for me as it seems absurd that she would. I have never led her on and always told her I see her as a friend/family.
I did go quiet on her over August and perhaps bent the truth a little as in, yes, I was talking a lot with my now partner. But I didn't feel Emily would understand this so I said I was busy with work/had no phone signal. That said, I did text her when things had settled and do still check in with her. Like I said, she can't expect me to keep up the level of contact we used to have but that doesn't mean I am not there do her if she needs me.
I have to say, I hadn't thought of the realisation that she might have romantic feelings for me as it seems absurd that she would. I have never led her on and always told her I see her as a friend/family.
I did go quiet on her over August and perhaps bent the truth a little as in, yes, I was talking a lot with my now partner. But I didn't feel Emily would understand this so I said I was busy with work/had no phone signal. That said, I did text her when things had settled and do still check in with her. Like I said, she can't expect me to keep up the level of contact we used to have but that doesn't mean I am not there do her if she needs me.
Dude! Even if she doesn't have feelings for you, you kept the woman you've been dating a secret from her for what ever reason. I mean, if I had a friend who was going through a hard time, who poured their heart out in front of me, counted on me to be there for babysitting etc. and didn't share with me the exciting news that I'd found someone special, I'd be pissed, hurt and feeling a little used.
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