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Old 10-13-2018, 04:03 PM
 
Location: Saint Louis, MO
3,483 posts, read 8,975,131 times
Reputation: 2480

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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
I don't think you mentioned it in the OP, but was your wife excited and energetic earlier in your marriage prior to her medical issues and PPD, or has she always been more of a homebody?
I think it depended on the situation. She's always found some joy in relaxing at home and watching tv, but she wasn't homebound. And I think much of her desire to remain at home can be attributed to feeling exhausted following activity, while typically fighting a migraine or pain of some sort.

She also still works 3 days a week, which forces her to be somewhat active. She loves her job and I wouldn't change that for the world, but I know it plays into her fatigue, stress levels, and likely affects her mood and depression as well.
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Old 10-13-2018, 04:25 PM
 
553 posts, read 300,492 times
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Glad to hear you are amenable to counseling.

I mean this in a positive way: I’m glad you took the opportunity to travel with your wife while both of you were young and healthy. You may not have that same experience again. But you do have your memories and 2 daughters. So I encourage you to do the same with them: do all you can with them now, while they are healthy. Some things like migraines can run in families. It may be that your travel chapter in life has closed. Don’t let that get you down. I’m sure your wife would be so pleased if you could help her come up with fun things for you all to do at home together as a family.
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Old 10-13-2018, 06:55 PM
 
21,761 posts, read 9,323,934 times
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Wow, I am sorry. 35 is young to be dealing with a spouse's health issues. I do think you need to see a marriage counselor. My gut is telling me she is using her health issues to avoid doing stuff. I hope I am wrong. Who manages the kids?
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Old 10-13-2018, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Richmond VA
6,874 posts, read 7,838,100 times
Reputation: 18199
OP, I'm sad to hear your story. I can say from experience that chronic pain can be VERY depressing. Not only does it throw a wet blanket on any fun, it is frustrating to get up every day wishing you could do things you want to do and not being able to. As well as knowing you are facing another day of pain.

Your RV idea made me think that an RV vacation might be good for you. You can explore, park the RV in different locations every few days. She could rest in comfort as needed. You can take the kids out for activities even if she didn't feel up to them but everyone would be sharing the experience.
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Old 10-13-2018, 08:35 PM
 
Location: Saint Louis, MO
3,483 posts, read 8,975,131 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grlzrl View Post
Wow, I am sorry. 35 is young to be dealing with a spouse's health issues. I do think you need to see a marriage counselor. My gut is telling me she is using her health issues to avoid doing stuff. I hope I am wrong. Who manages the kids?
Kids both are in school full time, but she does take care of the kids out of school when I'm out of town. If things get too rough for her we have four grandparents available, three are now retired and they are often very willing to help out.
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Old 10-14-2018, 06:06 AM
 
9,344 posts, read 6,904,591 times
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TBH it sounds like your marriage needs some occasional good sex and go for a hike once in awhile. I’m sure she can muster enough energy on weekends to do outdoor activities with you (have her take an alleve).

Communicate to her that your sexual needs aren’t being met (she still has a functioning ).

You can try marriage counseling but a little honesty and effective communication might just go a long way.
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Old 10-21-2018, 04:30 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,899,305 times
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OP you sound like a nice guy.

I hope you can find a buddy to go on those trips.

Hang in there.
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Old 10-21-2018, 10:45 PM
 
2,181 posts, read 1,122,009 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SWFL_Native View Post
(have her take an alleve).

Communicate to her that your sexual needs aren’t being met (she still has a functioning ).
Sounds like someone's never had a migraine (or female parts for that matter).
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Old 10-22-2018, 04:06 PM
 
888 posts, read 552,914 times
Reputation: 1984
Quote:
Originally Posted by SWFL_Native View Post
TBH it sounds like your marriage needs some occasional good sex and go for a hike once in awhile. I’m sure she can muster enough energy on weekends to do outdoor activities with you (have her take an alleve).

Communicate to her that your sexual needs aren’t being met (she still has a functioning ).

You can try marriage counseling but a little honesty and effective communication might just go a long way.

This isn't necessarily true. As someone who has struggled with health issues in the past, I can tell you that when you really can't do it, you really can't. There was a few years where I was sick, and couldn't manage to do much except the bare minimum to get through the day. And even now, I won't ever do hiking and things like that, due to my body not being able to handle it. If my husband demanded this it would really stress me out. I don't stop him from going though.


As far as your love for travel OP, you may have to resolve yourself to go alone, or with friends. Much as you would like couples trips, doesn't look like it's in the cards right now.


It's a rough situation when one spouse is sick, and honestly that was the worst time in my marriage. I am lucky in that I am mostly in remission now but still struggle and being extremely active is off the table for me, no hiking etc.
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Old 10-27-2018, 05:54 PM
 
Location: planet earth
8,620 posts, read 5,606,228 times
Reputation: 19639
OP: I think the problem is with your marriage.

Will your wife accompany you to marriage counseling?

It sounds like you may not have similar values or interests.

There is no quick fix for that.

I empathize with you and relate to your wanting a more connected, intimate relationship with your wife.

Unfortunately, you have two children to think of - divorce is really hard on kids.

Please get counseling.

If your wife does not wish to travel, or have fun, or be a true partner, not sure what the "fix" would be that would benefit both you and your kids.

I think this is a crisis that needs to be addressed asap.
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