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Old 10-26-2008, 08:51 PM
 
Location: small of canada
1 posts, read 4,065 times
Reputation: 10

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I have the same problem. I have an 8 year old son and since I met my boyfriend we have had a child together. My boyfriend has a 12 year old from a past relationship. He seems to love his first child and our shild we have together, but not my other son. My 8 year old is constantly looking for his approval and has given up. Now he just acts out to get some attention at all from my boyfriend. I have been struggling over this for so long......and I too am feeling like I am letting my son down. Now I don't know what to do. I feel like if I leave then I am choosing my oldest child over my youngest..(who has a good relationship with his dad). and if I stay, I am choosing my youngest child over my 8 year old. I want both my kids to be happy......but there is nothing but tension. I feel so hurt, and I hate my boyfriend for all this ****. When they argue, he acts just as childish as my 8 year old and when I point that out he continues to do so with me and tells me he isn't going to deal with my son doing whatever it was that he was doing. If he would only stop and set a better example, maybe my son would change his behavior and feel loved. I want to leave but I have no idea how. I have asked him to leave before and it always ends up with me taking him back because he smartens up for a week or two and then it is the same old thing all over again. He also nit-pick every single little thing that my son does but when he soes anything good he barely notices if he notices at all. I hate my life.
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Old 10-26-2008, 09:02 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,822,070 times
Reputation: 7058
You're right beth, your boyfriend need not be disciplining, snubbing, or berating your child, that is an awful role model. If he was a classy and up standing boyfriend he would spend quality time with your son which is NOT hard to do. Think of what 8 year old probably like to do.....sporting events, video games, movies, throwing a football around, joking around, making random talk about stuff, swimming, etc. It isn't that hard!

I hope your BF takes your suggestions instead of neglecting and berating your son. Kids need really good role models. Also try big brother and big sister for a good mentor before your son gets too old and has developed really bad habits.

Remember you are THE mom and you need to provide guidance and direction even if the men in your kid's life will not do so.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsbeth View Post
I have the same problem. I have an 8 year old son and since I met my boyfriend we have had a child together. My boyfriend has a 12 year old from a past relationship. He seems to love his first child and our shild we have together, but not my other son. My 8 year old is constantly looking for his approval and has given up. Now he just acts out to get some attention at all from my boyfriend. I have been struggling over this for so long......and I too am feeling like I am letting my son down. Now I don't know what to do. I feel like if I leave then I am choosing my oldest child over my youngest..(who has a good relationship with his dad). and if I stay, I am choosing my youngest child over my 8 year old. I want both my kids to be happy......but there is nothing but tension. I feel so hurt, and I hate my boyfriend for all this ****. When they argue, he acts just as childish as my 8 year old and when I point that out he continues to do so with me and tells me he isn't going to deal with my son doing whatever it was that he was doing. If he would only stop and set a better example, maybe my son would change his behavior and feel loved. I want to leave but I have no idea how. I have asked him to leave before and it always ends up with me taking him back because he smartens up for a week or two and then it is the same old thing all over again. He also nit-pick every single little thing that my son does but when he soes anything good he barely notices if he notices at all. I hate my life.
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Old 10-26-2008, 09:56 PM
 
Location: ON THAT OTHER LEVEL
1 posts, read 4,049 times
Reputation: 10
First of all your son needs to be with his daddy flat out,because a man's son is his continuation on this earth.your boyfriend can't give him what he needs because there is no connection(fleshly or spiritual).stop forcing the boyfriend to do what you should be forcing the daddy to do.
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Old 10-26-2008, 09:59 PM
 
7 posts, read 26,888 times
Reputation: 12
dump him...u can do better...there are more fish in the sea...need i go on
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Old 10-26-2008, 10:04 PM
YBF
 
Location: Atlanta, Ga
1,260 posts, read 3,348,875 times
Reputation: 585
Thumbs down Trade in your boyfriend for a husband who accepts your kids as his as well

First any man that doesnt care for your child and treat the child like his own is not the man you need to be with.....any woman who would stay with a man that doesnt want to be in her kids life and take on the role as "daddy" is a stupid woman and needs to re-evaluate her actions. Alot of women only think about themselves and their needs when it comes to the men in their lives. IMHO, staying with a man like this is about the mother not the child.......And secondly why would someone want to have a boyfriend for that amount of time but not get married? What kind of examples are you setting for your kids? If this situation isnt corrected your son will grow up to imitate what he sees growing up.
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Old 10-26-2008, 10:04 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,822,070 times
Reputation: 7058
I think that is cold because if the boyfriend respects the girlfriend then he needs to respect her son. The son's father does need to be in his life but if the father is low quality and abusive then forget it, the child is best without that dysfunction.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SWORD BEARER View Post
First of all your son needs to be with his daddy flat out,because a man's son is his continuation on this earth.your boyfriend can't give him what he needs because there is no connection(fleshly or spiritual).stop forcing the boyfriend to do what you should be forcing the daddy to do.
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:04 PM
 
Location: Austin
4,103 posts, read 7,002,917 times
Reputation: 6743
I'd dump him.
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Old 04-01-2009, 02:13 PM
 
2 posts, read 6,324 times
Reputation: 10
Its really hard. Im in the same boat, the only difference is my son is 15 and we've been together 10 yrs. (i know what a fool). I need advice too. He doesnt spend any quality time with my son either. He doesnt even look at his report card or anything. My situation is very similar to yours. He says I let my son get away with everything. I feel guilty because he has no one in the picture as father figure. I dont know what to do but I am definetly fed up. My boyfriend seems to be this mean and angry person. What should I do? My son doesnt like him I dont know what to do either. please help me
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Old 04-01-2009, 02:16 PM
 
1,788 posts, read 4,742,468 times
Reputation: 1252
Quote:
Originally Posted by kck69 View Post
My boyfriend is always there for my son when it comes to school and so on. He will attend meetings, check his report card and so on. But spending time with my son seems to be hard for him. All he thinks about is himself and making himself happy. Well my son comes 1st and I need to get some advice on this pleaseeeee.
Your boyfriend is not your son's father, and does not want to be. That shouldn't be difficult to see in this situation. Why do you expect that anyone who is not your child's parent would jump in and take over that role? Some guys would, sure. But your boyfriend isn't his father and you can't expect him to function like your son's father.

If you don't like it, then get a boyfriend who DOES want to be a father.
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Old 04-01-2009, 02:19 PM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,974 posts, read 33,850,830 times
Reputation: 10491
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZugZub View Post
Your boyfriend is not your son's father, and does not want to be. That shouldn't be difficult to see in this situation. Why do you expect that anyone who is not your child's parent would jump in and take over that role? Some guys would, sure. But your boyfriend isn't his father and you can't expect him to function like your son's father.

If you don't like it, then get a boyfriend who DOES want to be a father.
Rep points to you on this.
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