Devastated. Need Advice. (wife, marriages, men, lover)
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My kids have grown up together and they love each other. My son will be devastated if his stepsister moves out.
No common law in my state.
My relationship with him has been mostly very good. We are great as a blended family. He knows that.
He has gotten a lot of insults from me the last few months.
Yeah, I just need to accept it. The worst is over, I already told him that sleeping on the couch is not going to fly.
My first marriage (9 years) ended but I knew why it was ending and why it needed to happen. This I just have no idea why it happened or even how. Its not something i saw coming at all.
Sounds like he's having an emotional relationship with someone online and you are the odd person out. If neither of you can't afford your own place make the best of it until you can. He's definitely not into you.
There's not a whole lot you can do if they don't love you.
Question: How was the sex after begging? Curious minds want to know.
Steve Tamale
Sex was great. He was much into pleasing me.
I had to be the one that initiated most of the time but this year, he has been saying he doesn't have desire. So the begging has only been this year.
How about an adult conversation about that your sexual, intimacy, and bonding needs aren’t being met. You shouldn’t have to beg for any of the above. But have you also had a clear discussion on what you want with him or are you just opening up to us?
75% of the problems posted on this forum could be solved or worked through with effective communication.
The I’m tired or stressed excuse is bs, sure that might work for a night or two maybe even a week but not for extended periods of time.
I have not had a real adult conversation. The day it happened I asked him a TON of questions. He answered them all to the point where it left me satisfied its online only. I can be very detailed when I need to. There was no fighting that day.
The problem came later. I was so angry and he pretty much refused to deal with that side of me ( the aftermath). He would just cut me off and say he is moving out. I tried for a while to let it go but anger got the best of me. Lots of insults coming from my end.
I told him it was up to him to fix this, and he pretty much didn't.
One day he said he wasn't moving out but the insults kept coming. Not from him though, he is just cold to me when I get angry.
I don't know if that changes the end story but it's more of how I have been dealing with it.
How old are the kids? It is great that you can see beyond the relationship and think of them. Are they almost adults?
You may be right that it would hurt them a lot. Yet, your life and happiness is just as important. Maybe, if they are soon to be grown, you could stick it out until they are old enough. BUT, if you're talking years, to me it would be degrading to be essentially used by a person, for that is what it appears is happening.
You say it would be hard for you financially also. I know from my experience in being laid off, it is amazing how frugally you can live when you have to. Look at the cd forum on being frugal, in the financial section. Tons of good ideas from different folks.
Your kids will survive. They’re not stupid. They probably know what’s going on.
Stop insulting him. That’s wrong on every level. Apologize sincerely and change your behavior. If he wants to sleep on the sofa, let him. I can’t imagine being forced to sleep next to someone who is constantly harassing me for sex. Gee whiz!
Since he no longer desires you and you’re not satisfied, then let him move out. Give him a reasonable timeline. He can solve his own problems elsewhere.
Why is no one suggesting couples counseling? You are not really having honest communication so, you really don’t know why he is behaving the way he is. I would give an ultimatum, he agrees to couples counseling or, he is out of the house in 90 days, then stick to it. If he is at all invested in the relationship he will agree to therapy. If not, you know you at least tried.
So you've made up your mind, and you're going to let him stick around. And now you're willing to take the blame for his misbehavior.
I imagine he's always known this about you. What else is there to say about it?
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