Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-23-2018, 10:35 AM
 
Location: USA
371 posts, read 377,592 times
Reputation: 94

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
You're wanting to see her suffer, some sign of remorse, but I doubt that will happen, and it's not productive for you to keep looking for it.

Obsessing over her behavior is keeping YOU from moving forward.
I know, I just wanted to see if the person I knew was still in there, doesn't appear so.

She said I'm being "vindictive" but I'm just trying to find closure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-23-2018, 10:47 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,740,903 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by high_plains_drifter View Post

She said I'm being "vindictive" but I'm just trying to find closure.
Lol

Vindictive would be posting about her crap on Facebook, telling everyone you know, etc. She’s just mad because she doesn’t get things her way now.

What a piece of work.

But enough about her ... seriously.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2018, 12:08 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,703 posts, read 19,874,832 times
Reputation: 43018
Quote:
Originally Posted by high_plains_drifter View Post
I just scheduled a 1:1 Counseling Session with a Therapist (luckily my insurance covers it) for my Divorce that is in process, feel free to search for the ultra long thread, I didn't want to post this question it, because I have now moved on to the steps of healing myself, well my Attorney recommended it too. This is going to be a long process, but I figure I need to feel good about myself now, and not be moping around feeling sadness. My Wife seems to be giddy and laughing and not feeling much pain, so why can't I expel the same to let her know I'm doing fine.

So I'm going to be asking the Therapist many questions to gain closure with the long relationship I had with my Wife that is coming to an end.

One big one that is still on my mind, though I know there was problems in our marriage, from both sides what I'll never get it the fact she did not just flip a switch prior to me finding out she was cheating online (well not really cheating now, because the person isn't real). I feel now, like she wasn't sincere and was just being fake to still get the milk from the cow, but not really wanted to keep the cow.

Up until the day I found out, she was saying "love you" to me daily, we hugged each other and had good days and times. She wanted to go out and do things, go out for dinner, was acting like things were okay not giving me much to work on or see, though I knew I had plenty to work on.

Did not have an attitude or nasty aura, though we got in fights, sometimes she initiated it, she would e-mail the following morning when I was at work saying I'm truly sorry, let's not do this to each-other.

After I confronted her about what she was doing online, it was a light switch change. I mean, why live a lie, if you are not happy, just admit it, have some balls. So now I reflect back over the past 6 months or so, all those times we did things together were just fake and not sincere, that goes for me allowing her to buy material things online, giving her money to shop and etc.

I thought maybe it was due to the fact she has no means to move out on her own and maybe was avoiding the inevitable, but that's what she decided to do, maybe it's because she thinks the online ghost is going to support her at some time?

Thoughts?
Thoughts?


1. You are not healing. You are still analyzing her behavior. This whole thread is about figuring out where she got off the tracks. Don't waste your money at the therapist office by talking about HER.
You are far from healing. My thoughts: She is mentally insane and needs to be instutionalized because she lost control of herself and her finances. No sane person in 2018 who is familiar with the internet would fall for such an obvious scam.




2. I think you are delusional yourself. There was no light switch change or living a lie - you didn't have sex for 5 years. Never thought that was odd? And that probably wasn't the only sign that this marriage was over a long time ago. You probably just ignored the many signs (like lots of people do).


3. Accept that this is over. Quit analyzing her, it just hurts and won't give you answers and closure. Move forward with the divorce and don't look back. She is lost - don't try to "save" her. Mourn and grieve and then start healing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-31-2018, 06:17 AM
 
2 posts, read 1,443 times
Reputation: 10
I just spent an hour on a reply with my story and it just disappeared, so I will just say this for now, I’m going through similar situation with husband of 18 years. He’s still living in house in separate room for last 8 years. I knew he liked to sext other women and cheated several times and that’s why we were living separate but under same roof. we have 2 kids 14, 16 yrs. so I thought better for them to have both parents.

Last week, he had surgery and told me he didn’t want me there and his girlfriend would be there.

I thought I was over all the hurt and pain, but it came flooding back and I felt like I was punched in the gut. I asked to leave but he won’t, he said he’s here for the kids.

I think after each time he hurt/betrayed me, I turned the hurt into anger because it’s an easier emotion to have. Years of turning my pain to anger did not allow me to get rid of it and heal. I called it death by a thousand cuts. Before the first cut was healed he cut me again. To stop the bleeding, I put on an anger patch, the cycle continued and I had “anger patches” all over my body to try and stop the flow of pain/hurt/despair. They were unstable and could hold the flow, but couldn’t stop it.

I don’t like him most of the time, but it hit me hard when he said he didn’t want me there and it ripped all of “anger patches” off and all of the hurt from last 18 years are pouring out.

I hate crying and feeling this pain, but I think it is the only way they will heal, so I have 18 years of crying to do, but I know at some point the crying will stop. It’s not all the time and it’s in short spurts, but it’s many times during the day while I’m mowing or cleaning, I just keep going as I cry.

It makes it harder since he still lives here and although I make enough money to support myself, I have no savings or extra money to move and start over. I’ve paid for most everything as he didn’t seem to have a good work ethic. So what’s his was his and what’s mine was his also.

I’m not sure how this will end, but I have a feeling whenever his lawsuit against the company that caused his accident is settled, he will get a lot of money and will walk out leaving me here with nothing for the 18 years I supported him, and still support him.

I don’t know if this will help you, but know you are not the only one going through this type of problem. It’s very easy to tell others what they should have done or cannot believe we chose to stay with the person that brings so much pain and destruction to our lives.

Maybe we will understand ourselves and why we do what we do one day, but it’s not today. We have from now to the day we die to figure it out.

Wish you a a day with less sorrow than you had yesterday
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top