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I’m currently living with my husband. I’m the kind of person who loves to stay alone and find my peace of mind. For this, I usually take a walk in the woods or find a place where I can sit alone. If I’m in a difficult situation I usually prefer to sit alone and rethink about it. I can’t handle to sit with my husband and solve problems. But, my husband is totally different from this. He says, when I’m not ready to share my problems with him, he feels really tortured.
He also says, my attitude hurts him a lot. But the reason behind me walking away from him is that I need a moment to myself when he upsets me. This helps me to calm down. I know that he only wants to help me but I’m not able to handle this pressure. Can anyone suggest me a couple counseling clinic? On surfing,Mod cut: no links or recommendations if you have less than 10 posts
As a married couple, you have to respect the way you each deal with stress.
He cannot force you to take on his emotions while he's waiting for you to calm down. He should understand that you need space.
At the same time, you have to throw him a bone and just say, "I really need space. I love you and want to talk to you about this, but I just need you to give me a little bit of time while I sort this out in my head."
If you two are secure in your relationship, you can do this.
Thank you for your concern.
I tried saying him that but he still feels the same.
What should I do?
How long have you been married?
I ask because I’m wondering if this has been your first conflict. I am struggling to understand why a man who loves you can’t give you space when you explained why you need it.
To me it suggests a controlling type of person, which often is a sign of insecurity. These things don’t pop up overnight so was this something you noticed with him while dating?
You need to learn how to sit down with him and discuss what’s going on. He can’t read your mind.
It’s okay to get by yourself to think things through, but part of marriage is learning to communicate with one another and using that as one of your tools to navigate rough patches.
Practice sitting down with him in your family room and talking gently about what’s going on. Try it when you’re both calm and relaxed. There are plenty of online marriage counseling aids that provide tips on expressing yourself to your partner without causing resentment or creating friction.
You should view this as a positive new challenge. Your relationship will benefit and you may find fewer reasons to isolate yourself in moments of conflict.
Classic introvert vs, extravert clash. I once made the mistake of buying a two-family house with a guy I was dating; he had the upstairs and I had the downstairs. He did NOT understand that I needed space and that my need to be alone sometimes was not a rejection of him. My definition of an introvert is someone who goes crazy if they don't have sufficient time to themselves; an extravert is someone who goes crazy if they have TOO much "alone" time.
Therapy might help. No good guy and no bad guy here- just different styles.
I ask because I’m wondering if this has been your first conflict. I am struggling to understand why a man who loves you can’t give you space when you explained why you need it.
To me it suggests a controlling type of person, which often is a sign of insecurity. These things don’t pop up overnight so was this something you noticed with him while dating?
Its been almost 2 years since we got married. I have no problems with him. Only thing that I feel is he should give me some time
Classic introvert vs, extravert clash. I once made the mistake of buying a two-family house with a guy I was dating; he had the upstairs and I had the downstairs. He did NOT understand that I needed space and that my need to be alone sometimes was not a rejection of him. My definition of an introvert is someone who goes crazy if they don't have sufficient time to themselves; an extravert is someone who goes crazy if they have TOO much "alone" time.
Therapy might help. No good guy and no bad guy here- just different styles.
Thanks for your reply!
You too have got the same situation as me.
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