I met this man online and now I’m afraid if I be honest I will lose him. Please help (dating, movies)
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A bit about myself. My last relationship ended 1 year and 3 months ago. We were together for 7 1/2 years. Slowly our love fell apart and I caught him with another girl therefore I ended it. I’m 30 years old with a career. I’m able to support myself and I’m helping my parents with allowances every month, living paycheck to paycheck but still able to do other things without struggling. Fast forward, 2 months ago I met a guy online. We met up after a few days of talking and really hit it off. After our first date we felt like we’ve known each other for years and not just a few weeks. Since then we are always talking to each other everyday. Him and I both deleted our online dating accounts and are seeing each other. Within our first month dating we been out many times. We went on many dates, hiking, and a mini vacation. This month will be our 2 months dating/seeing each other.
So this man I’m dating he’s in his early 30s with a career. Makes more money than I would make. He mentioned before that he wants a women with a career, independent, smart and caring. A topic came up and we’re talking about working everyday and living paycheck to paycheck, how can you enjoy life? For him, he works 3 days a week and have traveled to many places around the world. I haven’t been honest about my situation. I told him I’m not living paycheck to paycheck and still able to save up money. He doesn’t know that I’m kind of struggling financially. We would go out to places and I we would always split the bill in half which I don’t mind. At the end of the night I would try to budget and see how much left I can spend. We even planned a trip for 4 days and are really looking forward it to. We love each other’s company and spending time together. Being with him and having him around makes me happy.
My point is I don’t know how to tell him, because of this it’s making me distant myself and in the back of my mind I’m having doubts. Doubts like I’m not good enough for him. He’s an RN and thinking of going back to school to become an NP. I’m an LVN and currently trying to work my way up to become an RN. But financially I’m having a hard time, with so much bills it’s driving me insane. Example, the money I have left is for food and gas which is within my budget. Going out and spending money every week is not in my budget and currently using my savings for it. I’m afraid if I tell him it will make him like me less. I don’t want to lose him. Being with him makes me happy. He makes me feel wanted and appreciates me for who I am. As I spend time with him, I feel like I’m falling for him more and more each and everyday. I don’t mind just spending quality time at home enjoy the movies in bed or go to places that doesn’t require money. I don’t want anything fancy. I’m just a simple girl with a sweet and kind heart. I’m not asking for much. I don’t know what to do. Thank you for taking your time and being patient reading my post. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you.
Aw that is so sweet! I can hear how much you like him and it’s really charming.
I would be honest with him. I would tell him how much you admire how he handles his finances that when you had the conversation about living paycheck to paycheck, you simply felt embarrassed and told him something that wasn’t true. He’ll understand. And he’ll greatly admire your honesty. Tell him your goals. Let him know what you said, you just want quality time with him and may not be able to afford certain outings.
Stop doubting that you aren’t good enough for him! If you let it, those doubts will sabotage your amazing relationship! Be vulnerable, no one is perfect. There is something you excel at more than him. That’s the beautiful thing about relationships, unconditional love.
Aw that is so sweet! I can hear how much you like him and it’s really charming.
I would be honest with him. I would tell him how much you admire how he handles his finances that when you had the conversation about living paycheck to paycheck, you simply felt embarrassed and told him something that wasn’t true. He’ll understand. And he’ll greatly admire your honesty. Tell him your goals. Let him know what you said, you just want quality time with him and may not be able to afford certain outings.
Stop doubting that you aren’t good enough for him! If you let it, those doubts will sabotage your amazing relationship! Be vulnerable, no one is perfect. There is something you excel at more than him. That’s the beautiful thing about relationships, unconditional love.
OP, I think you should feel proud of yourself for supporting yourself and also helping to support your parents. It's not easy these days to make our paychecks last and you are doing a great job of being responsible and living within your means.
I agree, I think you should have the conversation that Levels77 suggested. I'll bet he will respect you for it ... and if he doesn't, then I would be reconsidering whether or not I'd want to remain the relationship.
You're too smart to let this to continue, because you KNOW that you can't allow yourself to drain your savings in an effort to save face.
Begin suggesting low-cost date alternatives. You certainly can bring up the subject of finances directly if you want to, or you could start dropping hints about how your budget has become tighter since you started planning to go back to school to become an RN and then let him know that you don't have as much discretionary income anymore.
The fact of the matter is that if he's as cool as you say he's been, he will understand why you did what you did. But if he drops you because of this, then you didn't want to be with him anyway.
You have nothing to be ashamed of with the way you're living your life. So why did you feel compelled to lie about your situation?
My point is I don’t know how to tell him, because of this it’s making me distant myself and in the back of my mind I’m having doubts. Doubts like I’m not good enough for him. He’s an RN and thinking of going back to school to become an NP. I’m an LVN and currently trying to work my way up to become an RN. But financially I’m having a hard time, with so much bills it’s driving me insane. Example, the money I have left is for food and gas which is within my budget. Going out and spending money every week is not in my budget and currently using my savings for it. I’m afraid if I tell him it will make him like me less. I don’t want to lose him. Being with him makes me happy. He makes me feel wanted and appreciates me for who I am. As I spend time with him, I feel like I’m falling for him more and more each and everyday. I don’t mind just spending quality time at home enjoy the movies in bed or go to places that doesn’t require money. I don’t want anything fancy. I’m just a simple girl with a sweet and kind heart. I’m not asking for much. I don’t know what to do. Thank you for taking your time and being patient reading my post. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you.
"Not good enough for him" because your finances do not equal his? Don't confuse your worth as a person with your net worth. Depleting your savings to keep up some sort of front for a guy is pretty ill-advised.
If he truly appreciates you for who you are -- as you stated -- then money shouldn't matter. You're supporting yourself and it doesn't sound like you're carrying a mountain of debt. Your greater worry should be how he'll feel about the deception (or, at least, the covering up you're doing). Nip this in the bud, pronto. If he's the good guy you think he is, then money shouldn't matter to him. But you're not being authentic, and he'd be justified in having a problem with that.
What’s going on with your parents? Certainly they’re not so old that they have to rely on you to get by!
I agree that you should be honest with your boyfriend and let him know that you are temporarily helping your folks while they go through a rough patch so your resources are limited.
You can’t allow your parents to prevent you from advancing your career so you will be financially independent in the future. It harms everyone in the long run. They need to find a way to supplement their own income.
yep gotta say if he likes you as much as you like him , be honest with him and he will stick around if he does not then you don't need someone like that anyways and move on . Yes it will hurt at first if he leaves or disappears but better to know now than at the altar as what my family used to say LOL.
As they say, the truth will set you free. Be honest with him and let the chips fall where they may.
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