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I had a first date last night with a guy from Bumble. We hit it off very well and I was definitely interested in seeing him again.
As soon as I got home, I get a text from him -- he tells me he had a great time and was wondering if I'm free the very next morning for a second date. Seemed a bit soon to hang out again -- literally like 14 hours after the first date -- so I push it out a few days to the weekend.
Well I wake up this morning and he's already texted me "good morning, hope you have an amazing day." And then "I'll text you or call you later today." I respond politely and say that's not necessary since we just met and are getting to know each other. He seems taken aback but agreed and thanked me for my bluntness.
My dilemma -- I'm getting the overeager vibes from him and generally that's a huge turn off. It seems desperate and suspicious. I figure I'll give it another date or two and try to understand him a bit better. So has anyone else had experience with a guy like this? How did it turn out?
Oh, he's 30 and I'm 28. Both of us are looking for a long-term relationship and settling down. He's had two other relationships, both he proposed to but ended the engagement, both several years long.
I had a first date last night with a guy from Bumble. We hit it off very well and I was definitely interested in seeing him again.
As soon as I got home, I get a text from him -- he tells me he had a great time and was wondering if I'm free the very next morning for a second date. Seemed a bit soon to hang out again -- literally like 14 hours after the first date -- so I push it out a few days to the weekend.
Well I wake up this morning and he's already texted me "good morning, hope you have an amazing day." And then "I'll text you or call you later today." I respond politely and say that's not necessary since we just met and are getting to know each other. He seems taken aback but agreed and thanked me for my bluntness.
My dilemma -- I'm getting the overeager vibes from him and generally that's a huge turn off. It seems desperate and suspicious. I figure I'll give it another date or two and try to understand him a bit better. So has anyone else had experience with a guy like this? How did it turn out?
Oh, he's 30 and I'm 28. Both of us are looking for a long-term relationship and settling down. He's had two other relationships, both he proposed to but ended the engagement, both several years long.
I don't see anything particularly worrisome. He's trying. What seems suspicious?
You can be more subtle in your guidance of his actions, and he will either adjust or bulldoze and be rejected. If you are definitely interested, though, to just throw cold water on him like that isn't the best course of action.
When someone really likes you or connects with you, they want to communicate. I don't find that odd. You might try controlling the amount of messages you get from him by taking a little longer to respond, like: "Oh I'm sorry , I didn't check my messages this morning, can we see each other this weekend instead?"
Telling someone "I'll talk to you later", just means later. But getting: "That's not necessary" would be a big turn off for me.
OP, I'm wondering what would happen, if you texted (the next time he wants to chat) "I'll be seeing you this weekend, we can talk then. I'm looking forward to it. " That seems reasonable. I can see your point; even though you hit it off together, he's still a virtual stranger you're just getting to know, not suddenly your bestie. Maybe he misses being in a relationship. Or maybe the fact that he proposed to two women, then cancelled the engagement each time indicates, that he tends to jump the gun a bit.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-15-2018 at 11:54 AM..
Ok, thanks everyone for the insight; I guess I may have been a bit cold to have rejected his communication right off that. My fear is that he's jumping into the deep end immediately; so like, if we go out a couple more times and I come to think that it's not a good fit, he'd take it REALLY hard because he's so invested after just one date.
I had this happen years ago with a guy I was meh on but had agreed to a 2nd date with. He started blowing.up my phone with texts and I replied with something along the lines of "Can we catch up when I see you?" He initially agreed but later in the day he melted down via text and I called off the second date.
After this he proceeded to call me daily and not say anything...apparently pretending he was pocket dialing me. He insisted he had deleted my number but the silent calls kept coming. Finally one day I answered and shouted "Stop calling me!" Never heard from him again.
I had this happen years ago with a guy I was meh on but had agreed to a 2nd date with. He started blowing.up my phone with texts and I replied with something along the lines of "Can we catch up when I see you?" He initially agreed but later in the day he melted down via text and I called off the second date.
After this he proceeded to call me daily and not say anything...apparently pretending he was pocket dialing me. He insisted he had deleted my number but the silent calls kept coming. Finally one day I answered and shouted "Stop calling me!" Never heard from him again.
But I doubt that will happen to you.
I wonder how these type of relationships would turn out. Like, if you continued dating him, would he keep that up for months? Years? It just doesn't seem sustainable.
My fear is that he's jumping into the deep end immediately; so like, if we go out a couple more times and I come to think that it's not a good fit, he'd take it REALLY hard because he's so invested after just one date.
That's not yours to take on, though.
Managing his emotions is his job. All you can do is respond appropriately and, like I said, guide his behavior toward you with those responses. If you think he's too eager, fall back but, if you like him, don't go off.
You don't know him well enough yet to assign him with all these labels and assumptions. If over the course of the next few dates you can't tolerate his approach, you know what to do.
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What seems suspicious?
" That seems reasonable. I can see your point; even though you hit it off together, he's still a virtual stranger you're just getting to know, not suddenly your bestie. Maybe he misses being in a relationship. Or maybe the fact that he proposed to two women, then cancelled the engagement each time indicates, that he tends to jump the gun a bit.
