Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
LOL, that's funny. Somehow I just glossed over that and glanced to the 2nd paragraph talking about the author of that book. I guess the author thought they had some time to spare.
You mean the article your umm friend sent you that day you were discussing middle aged ladies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JJonesIII
That's kind of the way I looked at it also. I actually think it would be a very important factor.
Thank you for your concern about us poor, old women, don't worry, we'll be sorry one day.
I think a lot of people would prefer a bigger pool. To each their own.
If the number shrinks, so what?
There's not much we can do about that. My mom is 52, and guys her age and a little younger STAY asking her out.
Most people aren't searching for multiple they're searching for one. Having more numbers to choose from may "help" but it definitely doesn't change the fact that a connection either happens naturally or not at all. No sense in fretting or pouting about it. Some people never find "the one" or whatever, nothing to be upset or cry in the corner about. These kind of posts are so....odd....what's the purpose of sharing this kind of info?
I think a lot of people would prefer a bigger pool. To each their own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
I've only ever needed one at a time
My point exactly. A bigger pool doesn't necessarily = better matches. I could choose from a pool of three people, and if one of them was an absolute dream lover in my eyes, it wouldn't matter that there were only three. I could also spend years dating hundreds of different guys and never find a connection.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoNative34
The numbers absolutely matter. If a single man is given a choice of either the oil fields of wrstern North Dakota or New York City as a locale to find love, which is he going to choose? Whether or not he's meant to fall in love, the statistics of those two locations are going to matter. We're talking both population and ratio.
And it is a market whether you, or I like it or not. Some have more to offer and suit our tastes, some less and at the end of the day those things are how we choose.
We just have a different way of looking at it. I think if god wants me to fall in love, the right person will come around when the time is right.
LOL, you need to get your mind out of the gutter my friend.
Not likely!
But to speak to what you said about a bigger *ahem* POOL... Not me, no. And it isn't about "only the right one" either because I didn't believe in that, the last time I was actively dating. I figured since I couldn't seem to find someone who could be in love with me, and me in love with them, and I was doomed to these emotional mismatches, and I'd failed at marriage, I did not want to bother with long term commitments or marriage or even monogamy. Hence, poly. Further, no intent of cohabitating, among other things. Even if I had relationships, it was never to progress to that stage of entanglement.
And yet, past a certain point... I had a lot of interest, if not as much as my former girlfriend often has and gets, but she is way more beautiful than I am. And it actually got kind of old, having to consider each one, if only briefly, decide whether to reply, what to say, dealing with indecision and uncertainty. I know, first world problems to anyone who struggles to get a date. But it does get to be too much. It felt like I was being circled by sharks sometimes. A million little distractions cropping up all day and night, every day.
"Pick me! Pick me!"
Gah!
No!
Ok, just...
I...
You did not just send me a photo of your...
STOP!
ENOUGH!
And that was just the 20-something eff-boys. Then there were the older ones I was actually considering, and the agony there was the early stages uncertainty of where they were really at and whether things were going well or they were playing games. That early rush of "infatuation" or lust, it is a roller coaster and it is exhausting.
So believe it or not, crazy as it sounds, no I did not want any MORE attention or a bigger "pool" than what I was already dealing with thankyouverymuch and if anything, finding my happily ever after (to my everlasting surprise) has been a tremendous relief to no longer be dealing with dating. Which is often confusing and frustrating and tiresome even if you are not completely failing in it.
But to speak to what you said about a bigger *ahem* POOL... Not me, no. And it isn't about "only the right one" either because I didn't believe in that, the last time I was actively dating. I figured since I couldn't seem to find someone who could be in love with me, and me in love with them, and I was doomed to these emotional mismatches, and I'd failed at marriage, I did not want to bother with long term commitments or marriage or even monogamy. Hence, poly. Further, no intent of cohabitating, among other things. Even if I had relationships, it was never to progress to that stage of entanglement.
And yet, past a certain point... I had a lot of interest, if not as much as my former girlfriend often has and gets, but she is way more beautiful than I am. And it actually got kind of old, having to consider each one, if only briefly, decide whether to reply, what to say, dealing with indecision and uncertainty. I know, first world problems to anyone who struggles to get a date. But it does get to be too much. It felt like I was being circled by sharks sometimes. A million little distractions cropping up all day and night, every day.
"Pick me! Pick me!"
Gah!
No!
Ok, just...
I...
You did not just send me a photo of your...
STOP!
ENOUGH!
And that was just the 20-something eff-boys. Then there were the older ones I was actually considering, and the agony there was the early stages uncertainty of where they were really at and whether things were going well or they were playing games. That early rush of "infatuation" or lust, it is a roller coaster and it is exhausting.
So believe it or not, crazy as it sounds, no I did not want any MORE attention or a bigger "pool" than what I was already dealing with thankyouverymuch and if anything, finding my happily ever after (to my everlasting surprise) has been a tremendous relief to no longer be dealing with dating. Which is often confusing and frustrating and tiresome even if you are not completely failing in it.
That was just enough material for a haiku, it's been awhile:
eff-boy distractions cropping up all day and night don't send your 'junk' mail
There's not much we can do about that. My mom is 52, and guys her age and a little younger STAY asking her out.
Most people aren't searching for multiple they're searching for one. Having more numbers to choose from may "help" but it definitely doesn't change the fact that a connection either happens naturally or not at all. No sense in fretting or pouting about it. Some people never find "the one" or whatever, nothing to be upset or cry in the corner about. These kind of posts are so....odd....what's the purpose of sharing this kind of info?
This. OP, you should see the number of 40-something guys we get posting here, who just emerged from the fog of getting an advanced education and building a career, to ask, in desperate tones, if there are any single, not-previously-married, child-free women in their age range. Articles like the one you posted are about creating a scarcity mentality. The truth is, that there are singles available at all ages: never-marrieds, divorced, widowed.
I would take Auralia's basic principle one step further, and say that there's not much point in having scads of prospects, if only 1 in 100 is a good enough match to bother having at least a couple of conversations with. It really doesn't matter if there are a lot or a few. What matters is your ability to find one or two that are well-suited to you. That's the challenge.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-20-2018 at 10:46 PM..
This. OP, you should see the number of 40-something guys we get posting here, who just emerged from the fog of getting an advanced education and building a career, to ask, in desperate tones, if there are any single, not-previously-married, child-free women in their age range. Articles like the one you posted are about creating a scarcity mentality. The truth is, that there are singles available at all ages: never-marrieds, divorced, widowed.
I would take Auralia's basic principle one step further, and say that there's not much point in having scads of prospects, if only 1 in 100 is a good enough match to bother having at least a couple of conversations with. It really doesn't matter if there are a lot or a few. What matters is your ability to find one or two that are well-suited to you. That's the challenge.
Eh, the anecdotes are fine Ruth, but I'm just looking at this from a math perspective. If a person goes into a room (male or female...doesn't matter) and there's only one suitor there and it's not a match for them, game over. If they go into that same room and there are 10 possible suitors, at least if the first one isn't a match, there are still 9 other opportunities. Which is why I thought post #18 was very relevant. And I do think it matters if there are a lot or a few.
Can I relate to what Auralia is saying, sure (personally I think that whole dating scene must suck now). But if I had to venture a guess, Auralia sounds like she must be attractive enough to get enough male suitors that it simply isn't a problem for her. I've seen both sides of the coin on that one. I used to occasionally have lunch with a male trainer at my health club. Woman would just walk up, do whatever they could to make small talk with him, and practically shove their phone numbers in his pocket. I've seen the same with very attractive woman that would do whatever they could not to talk to a guy so they could just get a workout in (clearly it was an annoyance for them). I think you and Auralia need to step out of those shoes for a 2nd and put yourself in the shoes of that guy or gal that isn't the most attractive of people. Maybe they're a 10 on everything but the looks department (insert whatever you think is important as far as attributes), in this day and age of all this computer dating, how many first dates does that person even get? It just seems like people aren't able to meet in the same way any more so many of those other attributes don't even come into play. Are they really going to be able to separate themselves out by some online profile (how many people even read something like that if the looks aren't appealing from the start?). One of my female clients in her 40s (same gym) was a perfect example of this. She would always complain to me about not being able to meet anyone and I'd tell her you need to put yourself out there a little more. We would have talks about what she was doing to meet guys and it always went back to some online dating sites. But the more we talked about it, the more I realized that the way people met in my generation were so much different than how people meet now. School always seemed to be the best in my opinion, but she worked so much, the thought of just going back for a fun class wasn't in the cards. I told her to try going to a dance class (always thought those were a great place to meet others), but she'd just tell me she had two left feet. The bottom line is, this woman would be a catch for anyone that took more than a few minutes to get to know her. But she couldn't even get that initial first contact. And do I think she would fare better if there were 10x as many guys at our gym as gals? Of course I do. Will their be some non-matches alone the way? Of course, but just her having the opportunity to be exposed to more guys would certainly up her chances of finding the right one for her, as there was clearly a scarcity of selection for her (at least in the way she was going about it). Maybe we'd be at lunch and guys would be approaching her just like the aforementioned guy and gal I talked about. Ever hear the song "the girls all get prettier at closing time"? Guys get prettier too.
Last edited by JJonesIII; 11-21-2018 at 05:03 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
