Cat dilemma (dating, wife, long-term, how to)

[Starwars19]

My fiancé and I have been dating for 5 years. Last year, my fiancé bought a cat for his son. After about 6 months of having the cat, I started developing breathing problems including wheezing, shortness of breath and other asthma symptoms. It was especially bad at night as I could not sleep because I had chest tightness and was gasping for air. I went to an allergist and it was determined that I am very allergic to pet dander. I was prescribed asthma meds and the doctor asked me to avoid the allergen (pet dander). The inhaler I was prescribed was very expensive ($300 per month) so it was not a viable option for me. So I started wearing an allergen mask around the house all the time. But this can’t be a long term solution. I asked my fiancé if he would consider rehoming the cat. But his son had already become attached to the pet so my fiancé refused to rehome the cat. So I proposed a solution where the cat can be in the basement (it’s a large, ground level basement of about 2000 sq ft, carpeted, lots of light and furnished) so he would not be roaming around the upper level living areas. There is a door from the main level to the basement so we could keep the door closed so the cat can stay in the basement. However my fiancé does not want to do this. Instead he wants me to get allergy shots so the cat can have free roam of the entire house. The allergy shots are a big time commitment as I would need to go to the doctor’s office to get the injection every month for atleast three years and the shots might or may not work. So I am not very keen on getting the allergy shots. We are at an impasse here and not sure how to proceed. Hoping to get some advice from the readers here.

[old_cold]

I guess you've got your answer.. What the son wants is more important than your health.
Proceed accordingly.

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by old_cold

I guess you've got your answer.. What the son wants is more important than your health.
Proceed accordingly.

Basically, yes, he's telling you that he is more concerned with letting his son down than letting you down.

And as a parent, I kind of understand that his child has to be a priority, but your fiance does not appear to be willing to compromise on this AT ALL when a compromise could work pretty well, and he expects you to bear all the burden for this cat to roam freely. Which does NOT bode well for a long-term relationship.

[Levels77]

That is horrible! I have allergies too! I just started on shots a few months ago and you are exactly correct! Its a huge commitment to go every week. Some weeks I miss because I get out of work late and then instead of advancing the dose, I have to go back to the last dose. And I won't even see a benefit until a full year!

There are a lot of disturbing things about what you said about. I am going to assume your fiance is a great person, and truly wants what's best for everyone.

I would talk to him, ask him to talk to the kids pediatrician on how to tell the kid the cat has to go. Maybe the pediatrician can suggest a good strategy so that the kid won't be too traumatized. Maybe a replacement fish or something that you aren't allergic too.

But even this strategy works and your fiance agrees I would seriously question how much he loves you. Is this going to be the first of several situations where he sides with his kid over you and can't come to a solution that will benefit everyone?

How old is the son? If you've been together 5 yrs, and he had the kid before you met, the kid should be able to understand that the cat is making you sick and be able to let the cat go.

Do you two live together? Your symptoms are not going to get better as long as that cat is there. And cat dander tends to stick around a really long time and get into all upholstered items.

I'm sure you already know, allergies suck! Its like always having a cold and you still have to go to work and be functional.

I am sorry you are in the situation but maybe the silver lining is that you will see what would happen should you two get married. He should treat both you and his kid like you are are a part of the same family. I just can't see a husband treating his wife that way if they shared a kid together. They would both tell the kid that the cat has to go!

[turkeydance]

son wins.
cat stays.
your move.

[Petunia 100]

Allergy shots are not a "cure", and they take months to get you any improvement. They are simply mild doses of your allergens, so that you slowly build up some resistance. They do not get you to the point you are no longer allergic. They help, that is all.

Agree with old_cold, your fiance places your importance behind the pet. Now you know, so behave accordingly.

[ellie]

Maybe the cat can go live with the child’s mother?

Try the shots. If they don’t work out, start staying home. Your fiancé will realize you’re serious.

[redplum33]

You can't get rid of the cat.
You can't lock the cat in the basement.

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by redplum33

You can't get rid of the cat.

Sure you can. The idea to see if the boy's mom would take the cat is an excellent one, provided that she is in town and has shared custody.

Originally Posted by redplum33

You can't lock the cat in the basement.

According to the OP, the basement is the size of many houses, carpeted and has lots of light. It sounds like the same environment a condo-dwelling cat would enjoy.

[old_cold]

Question,,,,do you live together already?