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Old 12-12-2018, 07:14 AM
 
Location: Hartford CT
1,883 posts, read 2,516,833 times
Reputation: 3408

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I was told, I am not in a place to be in a relationship with anyone right now, maybe for a while. But I would love for us to be friends and you take me out to dinner or drinks every now and then(Yeah you read that correctly, not even meet for dinner and drinks, but me take her out for dinner and drinks) I also found out she was in a relationship with someone a month later after we stopped seeing each other.
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Old 12-12-2018, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Kansas
133 posts, read 75,007 times
Reputation: 56
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Ridiculous. In most poly relationships I know of, at least the ones that started out as monogamous couples and then "opened" the relationship, the woman initiated it and the woman has much greater and easier success finding other partners. Women none the wiser is not poly, it's cheating. Stop talking like you know things about subjects when you don't.



This is what I was thinking, the last part, might have been the case. It applies both to me, and to the first boyfriend of my former poly group. We didn't believe we wanted anything to do with monogamy, but when a partner so perfect for us came along who was a surprisingly great fit for all of our needs, we were ok with closing these relationships and being monogamous. He married his amazing lady last fall, and I plan to marry my wonderful man in a few years. Not something either of us thought we'd ever do, but here we are.

Trying to think about my answer to this question...

It's all things that this one guy said to me.

"You need to understand, I live alone, but I am not a lonely man."
"You seem to have needs. I suggest you find someone else to meet them." (I took him up on that, actually.)
"It's weird, it's like...I feel like I can only invite you over for sex to reward myself if I've really been achieving great things in my life. If I don't feel like I deserve it, I can't enjoy it." (WTF?)

It would have been SO much simpler if he'd said something like, "I'm just not really that into you, don't feel we are truly compatible, we had good times, but now I'm done. Wish ya luck!" At least that wouldn't leave my brain spinning trying to make sense of his bizarre statements. Frickin weirdo.

@ Sonic_Spork - there was this couple on Dr. Phil by the names of Charles and Tracy in June of 2006 in which Charles wants to enter into a polyfidelity relationship with his wife and another woman. Apparently, from what I have seen, him and Tracy got divorced from a follow-up show, Dr. Phil had in 2011.
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Old 12-12-2018, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,328 posts, read 14,547,380 times
Reputation: 39258
Hey, guys...MillennialUrbanist and ThisTown123... You're incorrect on a few points.

M.U. the 80/20 talk is just as BS as it always is and has been, it's just a bunch of salty-men's-club propaganda. Ya'll are like me trying to explain the lifestyle of a billionaire. I could use my imagination, but it's not going to be accurate. You are wrong, plain and simple. You've no idea what poly is really like.

T.T.123~ No, nobody is required to pick a thing and stick with it for life. But you also should never go into a relationship with someone if you are in serious disagreement with the identity they live today, and with any hope or expectation of making them change to suit your needs. If they change one day, it's their business. They might, they might not. Their life, and they don't answer to you or anyone.

I have a lot more to say about poly, but I won't here because this is seriously getting into thread-derailing territory. If anyone wants to discuss it, I've been in and around communities online and in person with probably at least a couple hundred poly people I've talked to, and I could tell you plenty, and recommend reading if you want to understand. If you just want to bloviate and be wrong and think whatever with no input from people who have actually experienced it, well carry the hell on I guess... But maybe not here? Just a suggestion.

Back to subject--another one of the things my weird fling guy kept saying was that he thought he was too "vanilla" for me. Which always struck me as very strange, because he seemed interested in exploring certain kinks...when I'd talk about stuff, he wanted to hear about it, and it did seem to get him going, he wasn't uninterested. Honestly he reminds me somewhat of the part of the movie, "The Secretary" where suddenly for no reason that I could understand, the guy freaks out and rejects the woman and acts like he's scared and horrified of the entire deal all sitting there curled up and crying and demanding she leave and all. But unlike the delightful Maggie Gyllenhaal, I was not willing to out-stubborn him and force the issue.
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Old 12-12-2018, 01:03 PM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
Mea culpa! Looks like I misspoke, after confusing polygamy (dishonest) with polyamory (mutual agreement). But even so, polyamory is basically soft harems for the most part. Don't get me wrong: polyamory has its place, and if people want to practice it, more power to them. But if it gets widespread enough, it'll be a return to the pre-civilized society, before socially enforced monogamy was implemented. We'll have 20%-er men having tons of sex, 80%-er men working hard to keep society running smoothly, and women enjoying the best of both worlds. Some of the most attractive 80%-ers can hope to join a multi-man polyamory arrangement or let a non-polyamorous woman settle down with them; the rest will have no choice but to pound sand.

If you look at Western civilization today, a song lyric comes to mind: "Whoa-oh, we're halfway there." And no living on a prayer can help us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
No offense, but I'm really having a hard time buying into the part where how poly's all of a sudden go monogamous and vice-versa. I figured these types stuck this kind of lifestyle indefinitely, yes?


What? No. Some people do it for life, others wax and wane. It's like anything else.




Seriously, soft harems? You really should stick to speaking about things you know of. Both men and women date other people. It isn't a harem structure at all.
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Old 12-13-2018, 06:24 PM
 
18,671 posts, read 33,286,569 times
Reputation: 37088
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueLuce View Post
"Unless you marry a pastor or a preacher or someone involved in the church, all men will cheat. You just need to accept it and move on."
Talking to a dude about relationships.
Touching that he thinks a church involvement will prevent cheating!
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Old 12-13-2018, 06:27 PM
 
18,671 posts, read 33,286,569 times
Reputation: 37088
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
...
No joke, I have a 50-something single friend that mentioned that he'll NEVER get a vasectomy...because he is preparing, just in case, for society to fall...so at least his seed will be spread.
Remarkable how generous some people can be.
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Old 12-14-2018, 06:10 PM
 
Location: SoCal
14,530 posts, read 20,054,132 times
Reputation: 10539
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
Mea culpa! Looks like I misspoke, after confusing polygamy (dishonest) with polyamory (mutual agreement). But even so, polyamory is basically soft harems for the most part. Don't get me wrong: polyamory has its place, and if people want to practice it, more power to them. But if it gets widespread enough, it'll be a return to the pre-civilized society, before socially enforced monogamy was implemented. We'll have 20%-er men having tons of sex, 80%-er men working hard to keep society running smoothly, and women enjoying the best of both worlds. Some of the most attractive 80%-ers can hope to join a multi-man polyamory arrangement or let a non-polyamorous woman settle down with them; the rest will have no choice but to pound sand.
Polygamy can be honest if the people involved want it to be, although polygamy has a poor public image.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
If you look at Western civilization today, a song lyric comes to mind: "Whoa-oh, we're halfway there." And no living on a prayer can help us.
Sounds like Metallica.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I know what you mean. The thing is...should we, as humans and basically for humanity sake, separate ourselves from the animals in these regards?
Is this rhetorical or empirical?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Me...I don't think I based my choices in women via evolutionary means...ie..per your reference to having multiple partners.
You probably did same as me, took your pick out of the ones that answered, "Yes!"

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Are there 2 kinds of people? Those who act on biological/evolutionary impulses, vs...those who do not?
There are those who understand them, and those who do not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
Are the more brainy, less brawny guys counted out of the running if we're basing it off this? I think now being intelligent is even being made fun of by some.
I'm more the former than the latter and I think I'm pretty much in the middle of the pack. I think you are focusing on things men think women care about, instead of what women care about.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
No joke, I have a 50-something single friend that mentioned that he'll NEVER get a vasectomy...because he is preparing, just in case, for society to fall...so at least his seed will be spread.
I hope he is a dystopian novelist wanna-be.
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Old 12-14-2018, 09:16 PM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,842,316 times
Reputation: 17884
“Sorry, you just didn’t blow my skirt up”.
From a man.
Who made a point of standing on the curb when he talked to me.
He said he was 5’9 but I’m 5’6”...and we were the same height.
Big loss.
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Old 12-15-2018, 03:15 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,691,276 times
Reputation: 13170
"Go away"....?
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