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Last spring/summer I was trying to hook up with her sister at the wedding and then my bday this was before me and my crush started hanging out regularly and she said her sister couldn’t hangout afterwards..
Just recently at a bar she seemed to get a jealous(she didn’t say anything but u could tell facially) at a attractive bartender I was joking around with..
Different timelines ... more like moving goalposts.
Whatever it takes to avoid the truth.
You’re the king of excuses JBT.
Face it already .... you’re using each other, and your loyalty to her is misplaced.
There was no agenda at the time..She didn’t plot to start seeing and using me..
I was the one who wanted to bring this to another level that’s not her fault.
But ... but ... but ...
Yeah I know. More circular reasoning.
It’s also interesting how this sister you keep talking about today never was a factor in your thread a year ago until you thought about using HER to get back at your unrequited love.
Right. That's as may be. But again, imagine you find someone to partner with romantically and you are suddenly happy. SO happy. You tell your "friend." How does she react? Unlike my boyfriend, I think you know the answer to this question. I don't think she'd be able to be happy for you. I think that she has an ego-driven need for the terms of your "friendship" to include you being alone and willing to give her all kinds of undivided love and support.
Is that friendship? Or just pandering to her narcissism? I mean really.
I’m not sure..The thing is I’m the one who tried to bring the relationship to another level that’s not her fault..
I dont buy that she never liked me as a friend and this whole thing was a plot for my attention and to use me..
I caught feelings I’m the one who took it there and got hurt she didn’t purposely do that.. I did it to myself
It’s also interesting how this sister you keep talking about today never was a factor in your thread a year ago until you thought about using HER to get back at your unrequited love.
Face the truth dude.
The thing about her sister is the gods honest truth on my niece and nephews life..
wheter you believe that or not doesn’t really matter to me.
She doesn’t always realize she’s doing it. But it’s who she is, she’s a needy hot mess, and if you can just grasp that it will help you see the situation for what it really is.
She doesn’t always realize she’s doing it. But it’s who she is, she’s a needy hot mess, and if you can just grasp that it will help you see the situation for what it really is.
I agree with all that..
When I yelled at her for getting mixed up with a drug dealer she admitted she’s too needy...
She doesn’t always realize she’s doing it. But it’s who she is, she’s a needy hot mess, and if you can just grasp that it will help you see the situation for what it really is.
I hate the phrase, "hot mess" lol but yeah, you nailed it. It's exactly this.
All the reasoning and who did what and picking around in the details is just...kinda pointless, man.
Hypothetical relationship = not bloody likely = a train wreck if it happened anyhow.
"Friendship" = unhealthy to your mind = not actually based on healthy things on her end either.
All of it leads to the same conclusion, and deep down you know that, but you're going to go through a sort of grieving process. One of the stages is denial, I guess, so...I can't be too hard on you but I still urge you to go forward, not back.
And since it hasn't been brought up, you've got a woman who is prone to drama making life choices, who dates dangerous men (drug dealer?) and wants to string you along as a male best buddy, and we all know who have participated in the endless discussion of these things here, that many people don't take kindly to their partner having a close friend of the opposite sex. This has potential to create kind of a mess in your life, you know. It's almost like she's setting the stage for an exciting soap opera. You don't need to be part of it. That's a choice. Your choice.
it’s semantics but I’ve known her for about 10 years my crush on her didn’t start till last year when we started hanging out by ourselves regularly..
As far as the hookup idea I probably wouldn’t be against it when I get my feelings for her to the side but I doubt she’d do that..
If anything she’s seems to get in the way of me hooking up with people like her sister or she seems to get jealous in other situations of me mentioning an attractive women..
As far as her feeling bad about rejecting me id hope she has some compassion but the fact that she’s seen two guys right after I let my feelings known(though the second guy she met was out of trying to get away from the drug dealer) and she called me the other day and while she didn’t call for this reason she did mention to me this new guy she just started seeing then yeah I’d have to say it seems like her compassion level is low.
That's typical.
Look, that's her problem. If she wants to play that type of game, you just go to that other woman you are dating. I don't know if I said it before, "She doesn't want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you."
But even women who have you in the friend zone are going to acting nonsensical when you have some other woman in the picture, even if the other woman is just a friend. Mention you got a date and all hell breaks loose.
Go to YouTube and look up "What the friend zone sounds like" Watch the video with the same title, when you find it. The uploader is ScooterMacgruder or something like that. Just look for Scooter...
Whether you care about her or not, you have to remember that she is a lot of drama, and she seems rather immature in how she approaches things. The longer you are away from her, the more likely the effect she has on you will wear out, especially if you focus on the BS she threw at you.
Also think about the kind of relationship you want. As you think about it, you realize that she can't give you that type of relationship you want, but there are plenty of others out there. Be willing to "expand your horizons" as well.
You know, this is reminding me a bit of a thing that happened with my boyfriend and a "friend" of his. Not the same, but...
He met her years ago (probably 10+ years ago) on OLD. When they met, it was that situation where her photos on her profile were many years and many pounds ago, and he found he felt no physical attraction to her. Yet they had a lot in common and struck up a friendship. She seemed to understand that he was not wanting to proceed into romance and she seemed to be cool with just being friends. Over the years, she has had a few other relationships, not good ones, she's got a lot of life problems. She even had an abusive marriage in there somewhere. She wound up living (and struggling) in another state. Incidentally, the state my boyfriend's Dad lives in. So he has sent her money to help her out, been her confidante when she was struggling and suffering, and she even, during one of bf's visits to his Dad, came out and met his father and spent time with them.
Then, after he'd been alone all this time, he met me. He couldn't wait to share all the good news about his happy new relationship and this wonderful turn of events in his life, with his bestie of so many years, and he assumed she would be happy for him. He was even wanting us to meet, he thought we'd really get along. And to his great surprise, he got a lengthy email from her one day, which he showed to me, in a state of semi-shock. She said that she always thought they would end up together, and she was so hurt that he had found someone else, and she could no longer be his friend. She thought it "meant something" when he had her meet his family. And so on.
I think that both of us had the same thoughts about this. The freaking nerve of this woman! She could go have relationships, but he was supposed to just be alone forever waiting in the wings, and eventually he'd be with her? Like it was simply not possible he might find love elsewhere? Like eventually after enough failure he'd realize she was the best he could do, or what? Pretty insulting stuff from someone who is supposed to be a "friend."
And that brings me to why this is relevant to you, OP. Sometimes our friends are not our friends. There is a false premise lurking underneath the friendship that is toxic, self-centered, wrapped around one person's ego and another person's loneliness, and very little genuine friendship exists. I mean really think of it this way right...she can go on to have relationships AND make you hear about it, even knowing how you feel...but what happens if you find someone? Think she'll be happy for you, like a real friend would? I don't think so. You don't have to hate her, and I do urge you to let go of any bitterness, but you've got to be able to say, "You are not good for me." And really, seriously, move on to better connections. Healthier ones.
The bold is a bit of Hollywood mixed in. Dated in high school then life tore them apart. Both married and divorced and reconnected. Wash, rinse, repeat. I'm not condoning her behavior by any means either. However, when you've spent the majority of your life struggling, I can see how people hold on to hope that a special someone will come along and take them seriously romantically.
When you're educationally, economically, and financially struggling, you're looking for relief at some juncture in your life. For your boyfriend's ex friend, he was that relief for her. Those kinds of stories make me sad, because you're talking about someone who will likely never find or have love, because life has beyond passed them by.
Here's a woman where no one took the time with her, as my Mom would call it. She had to learn life the hard way and that's never a good way to learn for long periods of time. We all need breaks in life to make the journey a bit easier.
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