For those of you romantically rejected by a good friend did you stay friends afterwards? (single, divorce)
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In many cases, they are doing the guy a favor. I hear a lot of "friend zone" stories and it is a mess.
It's like this
Guy: Sure, I'm okay with being friends
Guy calls or texts later said woman to see if they could hang out OR join him and his other friends to go eat), she doesn't answer or respond. Or she has some excuse not to go.
After a few times of this, he never hears from her again, even AFTER he'd gotten the friend zone. She basically closed the door on their friendship, too.
Guy calls or texts later said woman to see if they could hang out OR join him and his other friends to go eat), she doesn't answer or respond. Or she has some excuse not to go.
After a few times of this, he never hears from her again, even AFTER he'd gotten the friend zone. She basically closed the door on their friendship, too.
The guy can move on fairly easily at this point.
I often heard stories about guy accepting "friends", and then it is followed by a lengthy period of time listening to his friend complain about some "jerk" boyfriend doing her wrong. Meanwhile he is worshiping her and massaging her ego. She then goes back to the jerk boyfriend, he is left by himself empty handed...or right handed.
Eventually the jerk boyfriend leaves her. She goes back to the friend who is left to pick up the pieces while she is a blubbering mess. Now that the relationship is over, he has a chance right? Wrong! She needs time, she's hurt from the other relationship (which sounds legit), but a short time later, she has a new boyfriend. Talk about a kick in the guts. This time, it works out right? OH!!! It's the same thing as the last time. She complaining and frustrated that she is not being treated how she wants to be treated. The "friend" is listening and worshiping as well as idealizes her. Break up happens, she's a blubbering mess again. Then repeat. But it's okay, at some point she'll come around, she'll see the light, right? right?
"I need time to heal."
"You're a nice guy. Some day, maybe."
"You're my best friend."
"I don't want to ruin our friendship."
"You're like a brother to me."
If she says the brother line, that means uh-uh, not happening.
Also, the disappearing act that you describe also happens. Then she comes back when she needs a shoulder to cry on.
This is the story of the friend zone that I hear the most often. I myself went through some form of it.
It is best to not take it personal. It is not a bad mark on her character or the male "friend's" character. My advice for anyone in this type of situation is to at least make an effort to move your sexual attention somewhere else. You will be glad you did. The sooner, the better. And if you want to be a friend, then be a friend in every sense of the word. That would mean seeing her in a non-romantic or non-sexual way.
Last edited by TJenkins602; 11-26-2018 at 10:31 PM..
I don’t think it is. For me it’s to protect myself. I was emotionally destroyed in college by getting attached to two female friends, neither of whom were interested in me like that. I became emotionally dependent on one until she got fed up with it and ran me off. Either a woman is a romantic prospect or she’s a friend. I’m open to be friends with some women I’ve been rejected by if the circumstances are right, but in general if I’m not who she wants to date then I focus my energies else where.
Spot on! "If the circumstances are right" are basically this: How much value does/would she add to my life as a platonic friend, without giving me sex or being a guaranteed date for events? And it's perfectly acceptable to say "none". Just as it's heartwarming to say "a lot". With my own friend, it's the latter. I'm happy she didn't close the door on the friendship when I turned her down, because my life is better with her in it. And since she continues to be friends with me, I'm sure she feels the same. Which leads me to one more thing to add: the friendship has to be bilateral, with you adding value to her life too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
It's like this
Guy: Sure, I'm okay with being friends
Guy calls or texts later said woman to see if they could hang out OR join him and his other friends to go eat), she doesn't answer or respond. Or she has some excuse not to go.
After a few times of this, he never hears from her again, even AFTER he'd gotten the friend zone. She basically closed the door on their friendship, too.
Very true. More often than not, "let's just be friends" is code for "let's be civil if we run into each other, but otherwise leave each other alone". But once in a while, "let's just be friends" is an invitation to real friendship. The onus is on the man to know the difference, even when the wording is the same. The only catch is that you can't be "hoping and waiting"; otherwise, it's the friend zone, not a true friendship.
Spot on! "If the circumstances are right" are basically this: How much value does/would she add to my life as a platonic friend, without giving me sex or being a guaranteed date for events? And it's perfectly acceptable to say "none". Just as it's heartwarming to say "a lot". With my own friend, it's the latter. I'm happy she didn't close the door on the friendship when I turned her down, because my life is better with her in it. And since she continues to be friends with me, I'm sure she feels the same. Which leads me to one more thing to add: the friendship has to be bilateral, with you adding value to her life too.
Very true. More often than not, "let's just be friends" is code for "let's be civil if we run into each other, but otherwise leave each other alone". But once in a while, "let's just be friends" is an invitation to real friendship. The onus is on the man to know the difference, even when the wording is the same. The only catch is that you can't be "hoping and waiting"; otherwise, it's the friend zone, not a true friendship.
Best case scenario y'all. If she's not into you, that's the best thing she can do. This gives the man the space to get over it and move on.
The guy can move on fairly easily at this point.I often heard stories about guy accepting "friends", and then it is followed by a lengthy period of time listening to his friend complain about some "jerk" boyfriend doing her wrong. Meanwhile he is worshiping her and massaging her ego. She then goes back to the jerk boyfriend, he is left by himself empty handed...or right handed.
This is where I gotta give credit where it's due: my friend never complained to me about other men. During the time I was friends with her, she dated another man for a number of months. (I didn't keep track how many.) She didn't complain to me about him, nor did she cry on my shoulder. She kept it factual. Kind of like this:
Her: "Me and [Name] aren't seeing each other anymore. He did [something she didn't like]."
Me: "Ow. Sorry to hear that. Wanna go running in the park to take your mind off it?"
Her: "Sure." (She never mentions him again.)
Either she likes me and doesn't want to talk to me about other men, or she knows it's not right to complain to a man about other men. (Factual information is OK.) Both of which speak highly of her character.
Would it be f’d up of me to tell my friend listen I love you but it hurts me too much to hangout with you when you’re going out with another guy.. I don’t want to interfere on your relationship so don’t contact me if you’re with him
Would it be f’d up of me to tell my friend listen I love you but it hurts me too much to hangout with you when you’re going out with another guy.. I don’t want to interfere on your relationship so don’t contact me if you’re with him
Why would that be contingent upon her relationship status? Hasn't she rejected you enough? If it hurts too much to not be her best option when she's dating someone, does it not hurt too much to not be her best option when she's single? I've played with that fire enough. Never again.
No. Way. Jose!
Many here have read ad nauseam of a certain ex-FWB I had some time ago. One of those "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you" types. I've moved on, am in a good relationship over a year now and quite happy.
Once it ends, it ends. Move forward, never backward!
Why would that be contingent upon her relationship status? Hasn't she rejected you enough? If it hurts too much to not be her best option when she's dating someone, does it not hurt too much to not be her best option when she's single? I've played with that fire enough. Never again.
Her ex husband is in my social circle so she has a excuse to why she won’t date me.. it’s not that cut and dry
Her ex husband is in my social circle so she has a excuse to why she won’t date me.. it’s not that cut and dry
If you say so. Two salient questions: Would she realistically date me, and can I divorce my feelings from her enough to be around her and not feel awkward or hurt? If the answer is a No to both, I distance myself.
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