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Old 11-26-2018, 09:21 PM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,300,365 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewNameForJoe View Post
That is what I am saying. This whole "she is my platonic friend and I could never" yeah that isn't really a thing with any person I have ever met. If there is attraction and you guys give into sexual desires, it usually is pretty fun because there is an awesome story to tell afterwards and you already know each other so it can be a blast.

It's only awkward for people who are jealous or weird if we are being honest.
There are more "He is my platonic friend and I could never" stories that I hear about. I don't hear that as much from a guy. In fact I'm the only one who says things like this. But then I quit being the type that would hang in the "friend zone". If she says let's just be friends, then if I interact with her, it is as a friend. That means I can do some exploring of my own. I ain't gonna follow her around with my puppy dog eyes as if to beg "Please gimme a chance." If she sees me as her friend, then I see her as my friend.

Now, I don't consider myself a jealous type, but I own my weirdness. And I deal with a lot of "weird" people who would not touch their friends with a 20 mile pole.

But as I said, some friendships can go to that level. Then there are others that can't. And in order for that to happen, both parties would have to be up for it.

The nature of the friendship is a key factor to me.
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Old 11-26-2018, 10:41 PM
 
Location: Crook County, Hellinois
5,820 posts, read 3,822,085 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
I think it depends on the nature of the friendship. I have one friend that I've known for years, and if me and her would've become more than friends now and had sex, it would just feel awkward.
I feel the same way. I've been friends with a woman I met two years ago. We hug at meeting and parting, and sometimes cuddle during movies, but that's as far as we go. I do find her attractive, but declining a relationship with her was a moral decision on my part. I have a very negative view of relationships in general, and I wouldn't feel right getting romantic with her (which includes sex by definition).

Quote:
Originally Posted by usayit View Post
All of my previous GF's were friends first and many of us were intimate with each other... so no... I can't say it was ever awkward.
With my past girlfriends, sex happened pretty quickly: by the fourth date at the latest. Why? We met with the intent of finding a partner, we felt sexual chemistry, and we acted on it. So the "precedent" was set early on: we're a sexual couple. It's different if you're friends first, because it starts with a different "precedent": platonic, fully-clothed friendship. In which case, having sex requires a major mental paradigm shift. Hence, the awkwardness.

Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 11-26-2018 at 11:00 PM..
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Old 11-26-2018, 11:42 PM
 
3,422 posts, read 3,312,134 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
I feel the same way. I've been friends with a woman I met two years ago. We hug at meeting and parting, and sometimes cuddle during movies, but that's as far as we go. I do find her attractive, but declining a relationship with her was a moral decision on my part. I have a very negative view of relationships in general, and I wouldn't feel right getting romantic with her (which includes sex by definition).

With my past girlfriends, sex happened pretty quickly: by the fourth date at the latest. Why? We met with the intent of finding a partner, we felt sexual chemistry, and we acted on it. So the "precedent" was set early on: we're a sexual couple. It's different if you're friends first, because it starts with a different "precedent": platonic, fully-clothed friendship. In which case, having sex requires a major mental paradigm shift. Hence, the awkwardness.
I have to go with this, but in one instance I know one woman with whom we were just platonic friends, yet she once worked at a place I worked at - albeit in different years, and we both know the same people through the job. Anyway, this woman and I had dinner one night at a restaurant (just as friends!) but after the dinner I walked her home, with the intention of going home myself after saying goodnight at her door. Our friendly, platonic talk evolved into that of past relationships. Don't ask me how it happened, but we ended up having sex that night!

I had, and still have, mixed feelings. The sex was great, but I felt like a moron the day after. Still kinda embarrassed to this day! We're still friends, but we don't talk about it - we'd just as soon forget it, like it never happened.
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Old 11-27-2018, 12:28 AM
 
Location: Tricity, PL
61,057 posts, read 85,858,261 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewNameForJoe View Post
Sex is never awkward for the guy. I have had sex with friends I have known since high school and it's not bad at all.
Friends becoming lovers, and having sex, or getting married is a pretty normal development outside the US.
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Old 11-27-2018, 06:54 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Hellinois
5,820 posts, read 3,822,085 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24 View Post
I have to go with this, but in one instance I know one woman with whom we were just platonic friends, yet she once worked at a place I worked at - albeit in different years, and we both know the same people through the job. Anyway, this woman and I had dinner one night at a restaurant (just as friends!) but after the dinner I walked her home, with the intention of going home myself after saying goodnight at her door. Our friendly, platonic talk evolved into that of past relationships. Don't ask me how it happened, but we ended up having sex that night!

I had, and still have, mixed feelings. The sex was great, but I felt like a moron the day after. Still kinda embarrassed to this day! We're still friends, but we don't talk about it - we'd just as soon forget it, like it never happened.
This might be an normal progression in many cultures, but not in the Anglosphere. That's because in this culture, it gets drummed into our heads that a woman decides in the first five minutes if she'll ever sleep with a man. (Which is rooted in evolutionary biology.) Any deviation from the decision is seen as abnormal or "wrong". Hence, the awkwardness; one or both partners may feel that sex wasn't supposed to happen and/or that they did something wrong. I presume you felt something similar.

Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
Friends becoming lovers, and having sex, or getting married is a pretty normal development outside the US.
Again, "paradigm". In those cultures, people start opposite-sex friendships with "back of the mind" intent of eventually becoming romantic with each other. It's seen as normal and accepted, the very intent that's lambasted in Anglosphere countries. So when sex does happen, it doesn't feel awkward because it was the intent all along, albeit with a long delay.
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Old 11-27-2018, 09:01 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,300,365 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
This might be an normal progression in many cultures, but not in the Anglosphere. That's because in this culture, it gets drummed into our heads that a woman decides in the first five minutes if she'll ever sleep with a man. (Which is rooted in evolutionary biology.) Any deviation from the decision is seen as abnormal or "wrong". Hence, the awkwardness; one or both partners may feel that sex wasn't supposed to happen and/or that they did something wrong. I presume you felt something similar.


Again, "paradigm". In those cultures, people start opposite-sex friendships with "back of the mind" intent of eventually becoming romantic with each other. It's seen as normal and accepted, the very intent that's lambasted in Anglosphere countries. So when sex does happen, it doesn't feel awkward because it was the intent all along, albeit with a long delay.
Going by what I hear, it does seem that guys are more willing to start off as friends and slowly progress into romantic relationships in the U.S. while women are looking for that "instant chemistry" or "first five minutes" as you say. Sounds similar to love at first sight. (Not saying it is, I am only giving my perspective here and things from what I see)

To be honest, I used to be up for the start as friends and then progress to relationships, but I am not quite sure what has changed. Maybe it's the sense that here "Friends"= "off-limits" or "don't touch".

Even with the taboo-izing of romance between friends, there is this propensity in the subconscious between male and female. For instance, married people get weird about opposite sex friends. I myself try to keep it backed off when I know a woman is married, especially if i find her attractive, and she is friendly enough to me. I'm not going to get on that slippery slope.
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Old 11-27-2018, 09:03 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,940 posts, read 36,707,217 times
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I can't imagine this happening. If we were attracted to each other and had chemistry, something would have likely happened when we met. If it wasn't there and we tried to force it later, yeah that would be odd, since we were forcing it.
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Old 11-27-2018, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,206 posts, read 14,430,848 times
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I've said before that I don't think I know 100% if I'd sleep with a guy when we first meet. Like within 5 minutes or whatever. Some are definite YES and some are definite NO and a lot are MAYBE. And a guy can move from one category to another as I get to know him. I've had plenty of guy friends where I've thought I would judge them a maybe, but we progressed as friends for whatever reason, and as more conversation and sharing happened over time, they said things that moved them into the NO category. Not even always because they said something horribly wrong, but just something that convinced me that they were not to my taste. Hell, it even got to some point of talking about sexual preferences (mostly because my friends and I, we are pretty open and "sex positive" types so we do talk about stuff) and a guy talked about how xyz turned him on, and I was like, "OK well nevermind, I would not enjoy what you enjoy. Good thing I didn't let it go that direction, I guess." I don't judge a dude for being into things I'm not, of course. But I might think that our interests don't align.

EDIT: Erm, should probably speak to the actual subject a bit, rather than just sharing thoughts in response to others' posts... I have had many FWB but I've not had a lot of long term, deeply invested friends. Some of the few I have, are former partners. I actually think it's probably easier to go from being partners to friends, than friends to partners, at least for me.
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Old 11-27-2018, 01:05 PM
 
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Honestly, not at all.

Many, many, many relationships, since the dawn of man, were friendships before they turned into relationships. It's a pretty natural thing. And usually there are feelings and hormones involved before it gets to the bedroom stage. If the feelings and hormones aren't present, then it could be awkward, but the relationship will likely not have progressed to that point if one or both sees the other person as a "buddy".
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Old 11-27-2018, 01:08 PM
 
2,045 posts, read 2,133,961 times
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Even the people coming up with instances of feeling awkward, their situations don't fit the parameters you set forth, being: boyfriend/girlfriend who have already been on several dates as boyfriend/girlfriend. Not at all a drunken hook-up. You've already long left "friend" mode in the example you give. So no, it doesn't apply if you think it would be awkward to have sex with someone who is currently a friend.
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