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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
So, you've been seeing them only once a month for 4 years? It probably works for him/her because they are probably seeing other people without you knowing about it. Very easy to do if you're apart that distance and for that long of time.
I know a woman that chose some guy she met online in Canada over a local guy She said she did it as an excuse to get out of the state and travel. Not even a US citizen, chances are he has a Canadian girlfriend that she doesn't know about.
Sometimes less, sometimes more. Why wouldn't I know about it? She would tell me. I tell her. She hasn't had many dates due to in part being a single mother and working 70+ hr weeks on top of it with a lot of travel (business consulting), and she also has show dogs which take a lot of time... plus she lives in a conservative part of MA and the field there stinks, it also has made her more politically active, which also takes time. So we just schedule further out. No biggie.
You run in some different companies if you're so suspicious. Maybe you're used to dishonest people.
Sometimes less, sometimes more. Why wouldn't I know about it? She would tell me. I tell her. She hasn't had many dates due to in part being a single mother and working 70+ hr weeks on top of it with a lot of travel (business consulting), and she also has show dogs which take a lot of time... plus she lives in a conservative part of MA and the field there stinks, it also has made her more politically active, which also takes time. So we just schedule further out. No biggie.
You run in some different companies if you're so suspicious. Maybe you're used to dishonest people.
Wow, why would anyone even need to work 70 hrs a week? I work the typical 40...of course, with some overtime for quarterly inventory week, but that's it. I'd find another line of work or the same field that wouldn't make me work that many hours. I'd go insane if I had to work 70 consistently. lol
Hope she's hourly. :-) At least she'll be compensated for overtime.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Wow, why would anyone even need to work 70 hrs a week? I work the typical 40...of course, with some overtime for quarterly inventory week, but that's it. I'd find another line of work or the same field that wouldn't make me work that many hours. I'd go insane if I had to work 70 consistently. lol
Hope she's hourly. :-) At least she'll be compensated for overtime.
Most of her $ is performance bonus, and she works that much because she travels very often and her business is international, so there is time zone issues. She loves it and she makes very good $$, which isn't so bad... as she almost always refuses to let me pick up a tab as she makes much more than I do.
Most of her $ is performance bonus, and she works that much because she travels very often and her business is international, so there is time zone issues. She loves it and she makes very good $$, which isn't so bad... as she almost always refuses to let me pick up a tab as she makes much more than I do.
Well, it kind of make sense as to she'll never have time to cheat on you. lol
Wow, why would anyone even need to work 70 hrs a week? I work the typical 40...of course, with some overtime for quarterly inventory week, but that's it. I'd find another line of work or the same field that wouldn't make me work that many hours. I'd go insane if I had to work 70 consistently. lol
Hope she's hourly. :-) At least she'll be compensated for overtime.
But again, what you want in a relationship is fine, but you don't get to tell other people that they way they live their lives and conduct their relationships is wrong. It might be wrong for you, but that's your business.
There are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those that live to work, and those that work to live. I am of the latter. Even if I loved a job...still, I'd prefer my leisure time with friends and family (weekends) over my job.
In just skimming this thread it kind of seems like a damned if you do and damned if don't deal.
Does the never married part also include long term relationships?? If a woman has never had a LTR or married and was in her 40's I would have to say I'd look askance at that and would like some kind of reasoning and have the reasoning that made some sense, otherwise you'd have to sort of wonder why she can't keep a relationship together.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
There are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those that live to work, and those that work to live. I am of the latter. Even if I loved a job...still, I'd prefer my leisure time with friends and family (weekends) over my job.
And yup, lost. I was speaking about the other junk you were mentioning.
So it would seem the brunt of it all has to do with household tasks. That the main reason women stay single is because they come across men in their lives that expect them to do pretty much all the housework? I just saw that as the knee jerk response here.
I mean, I've been so accustomed to being single that I know to do dishes, clean, do my own housework, etc. No one is doing it for me, and that's probably a plus in my favor for having done it so long.
I mean, I believe in equal chores for all, like I cook , and she does the dishes, or vice versa...but the whole I just wondered because it seems INITIAL reaction to "Access to my time and body is connected to household chores somehow?"
Well, she would need to get the ball rolling by accepting a lunch date with a guy or drinks to get things started to see if her head is turned, yes?
Housework is probably the most visible symptom of a problem that women are trying to dodge. We don't want to feel like a grown child's mother. We want to be two whole, functional, independent adults who combine forces on equal footing with similar goals, and who can respect each other. Not only do we not want to be picking up the dishes and trash that our boyfriend left littering the living room after playing video games on the couch for the last 15 straight hours, we (actually by this I mean, "I" and some women I know) do not want to feel the pressure of a guy who will quickly let us know that he can't live without us. We know very well we can probably live without him.
It was very, very appealing to me, to partner with a man who had been solo for so long because I knew that he COULD live without me. After all, the proof is right there, he's been doing it for some time. He does not need help learning how to hold a job, to budget, or to keep his house neat, or any of the adulty things. (Actually his bachelor pad was not very clean, except for the rooms where he spent most of his time...but I felt that was a case of, "it's just me, so who cares?" and indeed, we have no problems when it comes to cleanliness now that we live together.) But way more significantly, is the emotional burden.
That one is harder to explain and a lot less visible than a sink full of dirty dishes.
I wanted a guy who did not make me responsible for his emotional states. Who had sane boundaries about where his feelings, and mine, begin and end. If one of us says or does something, and the other has a negative emotional reaction to it, the person with the feeling owns the feeling. It is not a demand that the other one change what they are doing. And if I am for instance too tired or stressed to have sex, I am not punishing him, he doesn't have to whine and grovel and carry on about having done something wrong, he understands that I'm having my feelings, and everything is NOT all about him.
Healthy relationships have healthy personal boundaries. They are not "enmeshed" to use a term out of the book I'm reading, about dysfunctional relationships and families. Or a better way that it was put:
Healthy: "I need you because I love you."
Unhealthy: "I love you because I need you."
And if a woman is very happy on her own, then a man has to meet a certain bar to give her incentive to come out to a date with him, to see if he is really interesting or not. When it comes to online dating, a lot of women can read your profile and see enough to know if any particular man is worth meeting up with or not. I believe (unless I'm wrong?) that you are into nerdy convention stuff right? Am I remembering that right? Are you a sports fan? Let's say you are not. Or substitute, I dunno, NASCAR or hot rods or something you just do not care about. If a person online is on and on about some stuff you have zero interest in for instance, then why do you want to give up a perfectly enjoyable evening at home, to go sit and listen to them talk about stuff that bores you? That's just an illustration. We might need to meet a guy to decide if he really turns our head, but we can often tell without doing so, if he most definitely does NOT.
A woman who does not need a man, doesn't need just any man so badly she's obligated to give every and any man who wants her, a piece of her time. I mean, just because you want a woman, does that mean you go on dates with even women you find very unappealing? Those who either look bad, or say things on their profiles that put you off? Wanting a good companion, and "needing a man" are different things.
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Even if I loved a job...still, I'd prefer my leisure time with friends and family (weekends) over my job.
