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Well I happen to think he IS in love with her. But even if it isn't "love," he certainly is obsessed. And no one should be emotionally tied to a partner who is obsessed with someone else. Just NO. He wasn't fully present in your relationship because he was pining for her. So call it love, call it obsession, call it George. SHE is occupying the biggest part of his head space; not you.
Well I happen to think he IS in love with her. But even if it isn't "love," he certainly is obsessed. And no one should be emotionally tied to a partner who is obsessed with someone else. Just NO. He wasn't fully present in your relationship because he was pining for her. So call it love, call it obsession, call it George. SHE is occupying the biggest part of his head space; not you.
I agree. I mean if it’s love, well why hasn’t he tried to reconcile? She offered before according to him.
Regardless though I don’t understand how someone can live like that, miserable in denial. Anyway, not my problem anymore.
I hope he heals, but not sure if that will ever happen with this guy.
Well I’m going to use this chance to ask more about the men brain since you seem like you’re a great source of information. I’m asking in general but in this case I’ll use him and her. Do most men have one that does it for them? Does that mean our sex together wasn’t as good?
I guess I am like "most men", so with that caveat in mind: yes we have a couple that pull our trigger. The quality of your intimacy with him likely was never an issue. Unfortunately, your warm flesh can't compete with his somewhat idealized image of his ex. Sadly, that relegated you to something of a "convenience".
What is the saying ... "time heals all wounds" ... in about two years, after a handful of other relationships, he will be "over" or "past" her enough to function in a relationship. But in the present, the ex holds a piece of him that you cannot access/possess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaramelBeach
I understand the possession thing, maybe that was mostly it. Like when she found out about us she seemed hurt but told him wish you find happiness and he said I’m not ready for you to date someone else but I want you to be happy too. I found that kind of weird, but I’m weird so...
I think you put yourself down too much and have too low of a self-image/opinion. I'm certain I am not the only one here who finds you a little naïve but very sweet and endearing. Experiences like this shape us, make us who we are. Take some time to recover/heal, sure, but hold your head up and take comfort in the unknowns awaiting you just around the next corner.
Tangentially: I am with skaternum, who stated "Well I happen to think he IS in love with her"
I agree. I mean if it’s love, well why hasn’t he tried to reconcile? She offered before according to him.
Regardless though I don’t understand how someone can live like that, miserable in denial. Anyway, not my problem anymore.
I hope he heals, but not sure if that will ever happen with this guy.
He probably did try to reconcile, but judging by the lies he told you right in the beginning, Id be willing to bet he lied about breaking up with her.
I bet she broke up with him and thats why hes been pining for her ever since. If I were you, I would take everything he said about her and apply the opposite. I would also bet that he was contacting her alot when he said he wasnt.
You wont be able to understand why he did what he did until youre severely heartbroken by someone. After you experience it yourself, you never forget. And it sucks.
He needed you for a rebound and it didnt work.
Ive done that, it sucks when you cant stop thinking about an ex and the rebound doesnt work. And its an awful thing to do with the new person. You feel double guilty about tanking the relationship AND using someone else.
You need to be able to recognize when things seem weird and dont just excuse them as weird, it usually means something is going on. People were telling you and you didnt want to believe it.
He probably did try to reconcile, but judging by the lies he told you right in the beginning, Id be willing to bet he lied about breaking up with her.
I bet she broke up with him and thats why hes been pining for her ever since. If I were you, I would take everything he said about her and apply the opposite. I would also bet that he was contacting her alot when he said he wasnt.
I agree. ^^^
OP, he was completely upset and emotional over their break-up to the point where he was bawling his eyes out for days afterwards. That's not the response of someone who was just "obsessed" (and nothing more) with her.
It's also not the actions of someone who WANTED to split up and move on. However, it IS the response of someone who was (and still is) in love with his girl and got his heart broken.
C'mon now... let's be real here. I know it hurts, but labeling it as only an "obsession", just makes it easier to swallow than admitting that he cannot love and fully commit to you because he's still in love with her.
OP, he was completely upset and emotional over their break-up to the point where he was bawling his eyes out for days afterwards. That's not the response of someone who was just "obsessed" (and nothing more) with her.
It's also not the actions of someone who WANTED to split up and move on. However, it IS the response of someone who was (and still is) in love with his girl and got his heart broken.
C'mon now... let's be real here. I know it hurts, but labeling it as only an "obsession", just makes it easier to swallow than admitting that he cannot love and fully commit to you because he's still in love with her.
Gretchen I totally get what you mean, but I really have no idea at all now cause some here said he loves her, and some said he doesn’t and to be honest personally for me I’m unsure. Sometimes I think definitely loves her and then I remember other things and say nah he just loved the attention and likes ego boosted when she “accepts” his online presence on her end.
However I think he’s just weird and strange and I don’t understand him after all that time. I don’t see him as someone who can love deeply. I know she was the more loving one towards him (he still has presents she gave him). AND letters she would write him.
Oh and don’t think I mentioned this, but she also checked me out online few months ago.
Time to stop now, CB. You broke up. He's hung up on her. All you're doing now is going round in circles. You will never know what is going on with him.
Time to stop now, CB. You broke up. He's hung up on her. All you're doing now is going round in circles. You will never know what is going on with him.
I’m only replying to people discussing things. I’m more intrigued by the psychology of it all than him,
So I had to go back to move all my stuff out and we talked as I was leaving and it got a bit heated and he admitted him and her were sexting recently, while I was out of town.
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