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I think that it's time for a "come to Jesus meeting" with your husband. His rainbow chasing days have come to an end now that you're expecting a child. It's rare that I'd recommend that a person give someone an ultimatum, but since it seems as though your husband cannot listen to your advice (and has a mother who encourages his dream-chasing), he needs to have one given to him as soon as possible. Since you're the main bread winner, your ultimatum would have more "teeth" to it than it might under other circumstances, i.e., if you leave, he's going to have to grow up and get a job that pays well enough to support himself as well as his child.
Stay put in your job and current location. You're going to need the income and benefits to support you and your child as well as the emotional stability and satisfaction that come from doing work that you truly enjoy in an environment where you can thrive as a professional. If he wants to see you and his child, let him come to you--not the other way around as he's pretty much abdicated his duties to you and your unborn child in favor of his business dreams.
As nice and sweet as your husband might be, he's behaving as a boy and not as a responsible man. Speaking of fathers, I must ask: what does your father-in-law think of his son's behavior? Most fathers I know would not look kindly upon a son who allows his pregnant wife to pull most, if not all, of the financial weight in a marriage. I also hope that you have family who could lend emotional support to you at this time.
IMO, this is a lost cause. An ultimatum will only buy time.
He can tell her whatever BS to get her to believe things are going to be to different. She’s already bought into his BS by not doing what she needed to do to prevent herself from getting pregnant.
It’s not rocket science that he should be working to provide what he can. Or not move during a pregnancy when she has no job security.
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It’s not rocket science that he should be working to provide what he can. Or not move during a pregnancy when she has no job security.
The lack of common sense is astonishing.
He’s stuck in believing his business ideas are just so good that they’re bound to make millions, it’s “only a matter of time.” And when he asks my “honest opinion” about him going away to this expensive place, and I give all the logical arguments such as what you said above, he yells that I’m “unsupportive, you’re supposed to be a cheerleader and excited about everything I want to do” and “not nice.” His mom, unlike his dad, coddles him now and tells him (and me) “money isn’t the most important” and he should do whatever makes him happy. I just can’t anymore
He’s stuck in believing his business ideas are just so good that they’re bound to make millions, it’s “only a matter of time.” And when he asks my “honest opinion” about him going away to this expensive place, and I give all the logical arguments such as what you said above, he yells that I’m “unsupportive, you’re supposed to be a cheerleader and excited about everything I want to do” and “not nice.” His mom, unlike his dad, coddles him now and tells him (and me) “money isn’t the most important” and he should do whatever makes him happy. I just can’t anymore
Have you pointed out, that there's a child in the picture now, who will need supporting? Why isn't he cheerleading his child, and thinking about what the child will need, on a practical level? What YOU are supposed to be, OP, is a rock-solid mother to that child. Keep up the good work.
You have no choice now, IMO, but to stay put, and be the practical one. If he decides his dreams/illusions/ fantasies are more important than his own family (you + the one that's on the way), so be it. He'll end up divorced, on the street or in his parents' basement (not necessarily in that order), and will have to find someone else to convince that he's a budding, but undiscovered, genius.
This is very sad. This is a guy who never completely grew up. And if he's not going to pull himself together, rise to the occasion of his first child's impending birth, and do some quick growing up, the writing will be on the wall.
Sorry, OP. It doesn't look good. Thank heaven you have a good job that you love! You'll have to be your own rock, and your child's rock.
BTW, what do your parents say about this impending train wreck? Do they know? About the pregnancy and the father's flakey, obsessed ways?
He’s stuck in believing his business ideas are just so good that they’re bound to make millions, it’s “only a matter of time.” And when he asks my “honest opinion” about him going away to this expensive place, and I give all the logical arguments such as what you said above, he yells that I’m “unsupportive, you’re supposed to be a cheerleader and excited about everything I want to do” and “not nice.” His mom, unlike his dad, coddles him now and tells him (and me) “money isn’t the most important” and he should do whatever makes him happy. I just can’t anymore
I'm so sorry that you're in this position and that you've so little support from your mother-in-law. (Hopefully, you have something of an ally in your husband's father as you said that he does not support his son's foolish rainbow chasing).
If your husband doesn't realize the reality of being a father, i.e, his life is no longer all about him alone (and it seems from what you've written that even before your pregnancy, it was always about him and not you as a two-person family unit), it might be best to prepare for life as a mostly single parent whether or not you decide to divorce.
Stay at your current job, let him pay his own way (or, if you're feeling so inclined, give him a modest allowance) as he pursues his dreams.
P.S. Not that it matters, but how did you meet your husband and decide to marry him despite dramatically different life goals, priorities, and religions?
He’s stuck in believing his business ideas are just so good that they’re bound to make millions, it’s “only a matter of time.” And when he asks my “honest opinion” about him going away to this expensive place, and I give all the logical arguments such as what you said above, he yells that I’m “unsupportive, you’re supposed to be a cheerleader and excited about everything I want to do” and “not nice.” His mom, unlike his dad, coddles him now and tells him (and me) “money isn’t the most important” and he should do whatever makes him happy. I just can’t anymore
Is this for real? How are you married to a man who has 0 income and is telling you he is going to make millions? If this is actually a true story, you need to wake up and realize you are being played.
Have you thought about how hard its going to be for employers to offer a job to a pregnant female? Trust me you will be discriminated against when you interview and they see you pregnant. They are not going to want to hire you knowing you will soon take maternity leave.
I don't know what planet you and your husband are living on but its not planet Earth.
I'm hearing a bunch of self pity in your post, "I just can't take it anymore". Ummm... so, do something, like a divorce.
P.S. Not that it matters, but how did you meet your husband and decide to marry him despite dramatically different life goals, priorities, and religions?
This is what I've been wondering all along, too. All we know is that he proposed to her in less than a year of them beginning to date, and there was a relatively brief engagement period, too, if I'm not mistaken. That leaves a lot of blanks in the picture to be filled in.
And what's this about different religions? I missed that.
This is what I've been wondering all along, too. All we know is that he proposed to her in less than a year of them beginning to date, and there was a relatively brief engagement period, too, if I'm not mistaken. That leaves a lot of blanks in the picture to be filled in.
And what's this about different religions? I missed that.
In post #3 (the O.P.'s second of this thread), she mentioned that she was a bit saddened that any children that she and her husband might have would not be raised in her religion alone because she and her spouse have different religious beliefs.
Yes, I was happy to find someone really kind who doted on me and was loyal. Lots of differences though. What’s done is done
He intermittently compromises, agrees to stay more local next year, and once he says that (such as right now) immediately acts like everything is perfect between us, why aren’t I cuddling him, etc. well because I’ve heard you change your mind about a thousand times and am over it and distancing myself from you
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