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I am really PO'ed at my wife of 29 years and not sure whether it is reasonable. Curious what others think.
We were going to a play our son's GF was in. Since I was far away and driving right past the place where the play was, I called and suggested we just meet at the play. "No. There is enough time, lets make it a date night and go together"
Play started at 7, it takes 35 - 40 minutes to get there from home, I was 50 miles away from home, about 15 miles from where the play was. Conversation was at 5 p.m. Conceptually I would arrive at home around 6, leave immediately and we could arrive in plenty of time.
I arrived home at 6:02 and found a note. "Left at 5:55. Tired of waiting. See you there?" (my cell phone was at home so calling was not an option).
I did not know exactly where the play was (I knew it was in the City,but not which theater). I would have just blown it off at that point but guessed where it was and went for our son's sake. I guessed correctly and actually arrived before my wife did.
I am still pissed - furious actually. However I cannot articulate exactly why. I feel like it is a breach of trust I guess, or that arriving early was more important than going together. It was insulting.
To me, this is more serious than something you just forget about after a while and move on. I see it as a really horrible thing to do. It seems like something someone would do when dating if they were trying to get rid of the other person.
My wife thinks I am being ridiculous and there is no reason to be angry. I cannot shake it off, I am still furious and shocked. This is not like her at all. .
What do you think?
Please let me know if you are M or F and married or not.
I would be extremely annoyed if my SO demanded that I come home (instead of meeting up at the event) so we could make it a date, and then NOT be there when I got home, even though I was on time.
It smacks of mind games being played. Not cool at all.
well you need to let her know you are upset and the "date night" felt ruined for you because she left before you got there. But then you need to stop and listen and let her explain why she didn't wait. Why did she have to leave at 5:55? Her ability to time a drive somewhere to the minute is probably not very good. Consider that. Also ask if she would give you a makeup date night, and let her do the driving and pick a place to go. (m/single/D)
I am really PO'ed at my wife of 29 years and not sure whether it is reasonable. Curious what others think.
We were going to a play our son's GF was in. Since I was far away and driving right past the place where the play was, I called and suggested we just meet at the play. "No. There is enough time, lets make it a date night and go together"
Play started at 7, it takes 35 - 40 minutes to get there from home, I was 50 miles away from home, about 15 miles from where the play was. Conversation was at 5 p.m. Conceptually I would arrive at home around 6, leave immediately and we could arrive in plenty of time.
I arrived home at 6:02 and found a note. "Left at 5:55. Tired of waiting. See you there?" (my cell phone was at home so calling was not an option).
I did not know exactly where the play was (I knew it was in the City,but not which theater). I would have just blown it off at that point but guessed where it was and went for our son's sake. I guessed correctly and actually arrived before my wife did.
I am still pissed - furious actually. However I cannot articulate exactly why. I feel like it is a breach of trust I guess, or that arriving early was more important than going together. It was insulting.
To me, this is more serious than something you just forget about after a while and move on. I see it as a really horrible thing to do. It seems like something someone would do when dating if they were trying to get rid of the other person.
My wife thinks I am being ridiculous and there is no reason to be angry. I cannot shake it off, I am still furious and shocked. This is not like her at all. .
What do you think?
Please let me know if you are M or F and married or not.
I'm female. Married.
She insisted y'all meet at home, she knows it takes about an hour for you to get home. So yeah, I would also be if my husband did that to me. It was thoughtless, inconsiderate, and a big inconvenience for you.
However, I would eventually forget about it after a while and move on. I'd let him know that I'm angry and disappointed, and why I felt that way but I'd get over my mad eventually. Probably later that night since I don't tend to stay angry for long. But you can darn well be assured the next time, I would remind him "And you're going to wait for me, right? I don't want a repeat of last time."
Are there other things she's doing that make you feel like she's trying to get rid of you?
I would be extremely annoyed if my SO demanded that I come home (instead of meeting up at the event) so we could make it a date, and then NOT be there when I got home, even though I was on time.
It smacks of mind games being played. Not cool at all.
(F/Not Married)
I agree. The “got tired of waiting” part bothers me. She told you to come home. Where else did she think you were gonna be?
It kind of begins and ends with this question. It's 2018. This whole thing was caused because you didn't have your phone in your pocket.
The thing you didn't disclose was the ETA to get back home. If it's 40 minutes to drive to the play location for a 7pm play, 5:55pm is enough time to drive, park, and get there early enough to avoid it being a rush job. This was to please your son and his girlfriend, not for you. I'm sure your wife didn't want to drive.
2xDWM, LTR, I know there are battles I just can't win
I am really PO'ed at my wife of 29 years and not sure whether it is reasonable. Curious what others think.
We were going to a play our son's GF was in. Since I was far away and driving right past the place where the play was, I called and suggested we just meet at the play. "No. There is enough time, lets make it a date night and go together"
Play started at 7, it takes 35 - 40 minutes to get there from home, I was 50 miles away from home, about 15 miles from where the play was. Conversation was at 5 p.m. Conceptually I would arrive at home around 6, leave immediately and we could arrive in plenty of time.
I arrived home at 6:02 and found a note. "Left at 5:55. Tired of waiting. See you there?" (my cell phone was at home so calling was not an option).
I did not know exactly where the play was (I knew it was in the City,but not which theater). I would have just blown it off at that point but guessed where it was and went for our son's sake. I guessed correctly and actually arrived before my wife did.
I am still pissed - furious actually. However I cannot articulate exactly why. I feel like it is a breach of trust I guess, or that arriving early was more important than going together. It was insulting.
To me, this is more serious than something you just forget about after a while and move on. I see it as a really horrible thing to do. It seems like something someone would do when dating if they were trying to get rid of the other person.
My wife thinks I am being ridiculous and there is no reason to be angry. I cannot shake it off, I am still furious and shocked. This is not like her at all. .
What do you think?
Please let me know if you are M or F and married or not.
Married. 23 years. Male
Oh god really? Truthfully I think you’re being a drama queen. Carry your phone and you can call her to coordinate better. You forgot your phone she can’t get a hold of you. Do t blame her for your screw up.
I had this exact thing happen to me and my wife for a birthday party. I just drove myself to the place and that was that. Stop being such a big baby.
I agree with you, OP. Did you say you'd be home by 6:00? She must know after over 20 years, that it takes you an hour to drive home, right? So there was no reason for her to expect you to arrive before 6:00, right? That's the irrational part. She knows you're physically incapable of getting home, say, by 5:30 or 5:40, right? Because that's never happened before, in over 20 years of marriage, due to traffic and the distance. That's what's so strange about it. I would ask her about that. I mean, maybe it's a symptom of early dementia, or something.
I don't agree it's your fault, because you didn't have your phone. Phone, schmone, you had an agreement, correct? And you were on time?
It's strange.
And there's the added factor, that she wanted to make it a date night, potentially raising warm and fuzzy feelings on your part, like she actually cares about, and loves, you. Then suddenly, she blows you off.
You're very justified in being angry. I think someone was right to ask how your marriage is doing overall. Is there more to this story, big-picture-wise? Any ongoing issues? Because in the absence of that, I'd have to vote for early Alzheimer's. The story isn't comprehensible, otherwise.
Oh god really? Truthfully I think you’re being a drama queen. Carry your phone and you can call her to coordinate better. You forgot your phone she can’t get a hold of you. Do t blame her for your screw up.
I had this exact thing happen to me and my wife for a birthday party. I just drove myself to the place and that was that. Stop being such a big baby.
How did he screw up? He said he'd be home at 6 (or she knew from 20+ years' experience, that he'd be home at 6), and he was. How did he screw up?
Yes, you have the right to be pissed for all the extra driving time.
If this is not how she usually does things, let her know you're pissed and then forget it if she apologizes.
If she sees nothing wrong with it? Eh,, you may have other problems.
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if my husband did that to me. It was thoughtless, inconsiderate, and a big inconvenience for you.
