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So, I was a psychology major in college, and all things psych-related have always fascinated me. However, I seem to have found a real-life scenario that I had previously only read about in books.
I began my first relationship 3 months ago. I am 24. I know that may be a bit unusual already.
The guy seemed to be almost perfect. I know perfection doesn't exist, but it's definitely what I was searching for, I guess.
He is handsome, well-mannered, polite, a gentleman, funny, talkative. Everything I was looking for. I did have some reservations because it seemed too good to be true. I met him through a dating app, and a month after knowing one another we began our relationship.
At first, everything seemed great. We got along so well, we were so invested in getting to know one another and in spending time together.
However, as time has passed, I have noticed some strange behaviors on his behalf. For instance, he is super insecure because previous girlfriends have cheated on him. He is also very controlling and calls me up to 4 times a day. In the beginning, he also wanted me to send him pictures of places I went to, claiming he just wanted to see new places even if he wasn't with me in that moment.
We had our first argument about a month ago, and now it seems we can't stop disagreeing. To me it seems that no matter how much time, effort, attention, gifts, etc., I give him, he is constantly demanding more love. And when I don't give him his way, he gets angry and we just get into another argument. He claims that he feels unimportant and unloved when I don't cave in and let him have his way.
I believe that he has anxious/ insecure attachment style.
Will this be the doom of our relationship? Can I do anything to help without sacrificing my well-being/happiness in the process?
Thank you for reading.
Hopeful Dreamer.
Last edited by HopefulDreamer24; 12-15-2018 at 10:49 PM..
appeasement is relationship poison....clear the air use your words....
tell him to back off..and if he allows the clouds of the past to rain on you/both then that's his problem not yours...tell him to deal with it or we can just be friends..
"However, as time has passed, I have noticed some strange behaviors on his behalf. For instance, he is super insecure because previous girlfriends have cheated on him. He is also very controlling and calls me up to 4 times a day. In the beginning, he also wanted me to send him pictures of places I went to, claiming he just wanted to see new places even if he wasn't with me in that moment. "
Calling you 4 times is controlling?? So you are a psych major that doesn't know how to rectify this behavior?
OP, tell him his demands (or the constant demanding of reassurance, in order for him to "feel loved") is unreasonable, a nd that he should get counseling. It's not normal to be that needy.
Also, in a very sympathetic, understanding tone, tell him he needs some professional help to recover from all the betrayals. It's not fair to you, for him to constantly dump that in your lap. He needs to heal from past experience, before he can have a successful relationship. THat's what all those issues are a symptom of: a lack of healing.
It's your choice, as to whether you want to wait around, for him to get the help he needs, or not. But if he's serious about recovering from those experiences, which seem like cumulatively, they were traumatic for him, it could be a matter of a few months of trauma therapy, if you can find someone who offers that. It means for him, getting all his grief, rage and abandonment worked out of his system with a skilled therapist. It would be like lifting a ton of weight off his shoulders.
I’d give it more time if I were you (maybe you to 6 months). Keep doing what you’re doing and hopefully he’ll see that there is nothing to worry about.
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