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I can’t answer this thread honestly without getting mod warning.
What I can say as long as both parties care about the needs of one another and try to satisfy the other likely the sex will be just fine. Being a good listener open to criticism and trying things outside your comfort zone will help as well.
From a man's pov, there's definitely bad sex out there. There are incredibly beautiful women, who during sex, just lay there like a cold dead fish. No passion, energy, enthusiasm. Ugh...just horrible. Then there's those who are comfortable with their body, not shy, know what they want and like, make it known and go for it. Who just have a vibrant energy and drive that is pallatible. Who are willing to let go, not box themselves in and try new experiences..now that's good sex.
There’s a day old post in this forum about a woman contemplating divorce after 30 years of marriage due to lack of romantic feelings for her husband (no money issues, no kids involved).
I’ve always heard that two of the top five reasons for divorce are money and infidelity; do you guys think that it’s wise to figure out the sexual compatibility of the two involved parties prior to braving an institution with an almost 50% rates of failure?
After 30 years, sex may become infrequent for many reasons, from hormonal issues, to the long, slow build-up of resentment, etc. Losing romantic feelings, especially in the latter case, isn't surprising. Divorce is a reasonable consequence in that case. You can be completely sexually compatible at the beginning of a relationship, but people and situations change over time.
So, I think your focus on good/bad sex after 30 years is way off the mark. It's probably about the interpersonal connection that's failing, which leads to lack of (or poor) sex. What's wrong with divorce, anyway, if you truly aren't happy with your partner, and can't fix it?
So, I think your focus on good/bad sex after 30 years is way off the mark. It's probably about the interpersonal connection that's failing, which leads to lack of (or poor) sex. What's wrong with divorce, anyway, if you truly aren't happy with your partner, and can't fix it?
After 30 years, sex may become infrequent for many reasons, from hormonal issues, to the long, slow build-up of resentment, etc. Losing romantic feelings, especially in the latter case, isn't surprising. Divorce is a reasonable consequence in that case. You can be completely sexually compatible at the beginning of a relationship, but people and situations change over time.
So, I think your focus on good/bad sex after 30 years is way off the mark. It's probably about the interpersonal connection that's failing, which leads to lack of (or poor) sex. What's wrong with divorce, anyway, if you truly aren't happy with your partner, and can't fix it?
I agree. The 30 year mark is around the time a woman is in perimenopause or is menopausal. My husband and I have always had good sex, with some ups and downs over the almost 30 years we've been together. Then I started menopause. It's horrible. I honestly never think about sex now and when I try because he deserves some enjoyment, it's very painful. Which just turns me off to it even more. It's not fair to him, but he's so understanding. He just tells me he's waiting for me to get back on my game. Fortunately it's not been that long, but it has been too long.
Okay....if you're statistically inclined, then the standard deviation for men isn't 0...but it's not as great as for women - better? And no, I'm not intending a pun of "sexual deviation" - look it up if you don't know what standard deviation refers to.
I think it's a bit much to bring up advanced mathematics in a relationship topic. Most CD members do not have the academic background to understand the reference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
And maybe I'll also specify that it seems pretty easy to "read" men but many men seem to have trouble reading women. Sometimes because women are too vague, sometimes because men object to direct "instruction" which causes women to be overly vague, and sometimes because they just lack any empathy/intuition.
It seems to me that both genders could say the same.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SWFL_Native
What I can say as long as both parties care about the needs of one another and try to satisfy the other likely the sex will be just fine. Being a good listener open to criticism and trying things outside your comfort zone will help as well.
That's pretty level headed. That's what I strive for.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dbsteel
Incompatibility at that point is more like one person wants it, the other doesn't. The compromise is, no sex. Happens all the time.
Sometimes it's no sex, sometimes it's a little outside help, sometimes it's a permanent parting of the ways.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldenlove
I agree. The 30 year mark is around the time a woman is in perimenopause or is menopausal. My husband and I have always had good sex, with some ups and downs over the almost 30 years we've been together. Then I started menopause. It's horrible. I honestly never think about sex now and when I try because he deserves some enjoyment, it's very painful. Which just turns me off to it even more. It's not fair to him, but he's so understanding. He just tells me he's waiting for me to get back on my game. Fortunately it's not been that long, but it has been too long.
One of my best relationships was with a woman who had passed menopause. She loved it! She had few or none of the problems many women face during this difficult time, but she told me that she had been totally liberated from fear of pregnancy and that she had never enjoyed sex so much before in life.
I was at a party a while ago where one guy parroted that old joke about "bad sex is like bad pizza--even when it's bad it's still pretty good," and most of the women there were like, "yeah...no, dude."
I have said the same, but I will say this....
Bad sex is relative.
Theoretical, since I'm married, but If a guy is completely amazing as a person, but a bit awkward in bed, yet a good listener who is willing to learn - that's something I can live with. If he's just selfish, then that's a different problem.
Yeah...I don't think that men can really have bad sex, maybe just okay, but not bad...but women sure can...which explains at least some of the incompatibility.
I'm not a man, but from talking to men, I'm sure straight men can have bad sex. If she's unenthusiastic, just lies there, has no passion. Or doesn't want it at all.
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