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My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now.
The first year was smooth and great. The best memories that I have of us roll back to that year.
The following 2 years were made out of constant fights every other 2 months or so as I remember it over unnecessary things.
I am not perfect, but the main reasons from her prospective seem to be my inability to show love in the way she wants me to. Hanging out more often, make her the absolute priority over everything that I do. School, work, hanging with male friends.
I am not perfect and I know it. Because of some financial issues, I took about 3 sabbatical years off school to make money. That was the period in which I met her and things started going bad the since I went back to school about 2 years ago.
She is a student like myself and does not seem to give the same priority to her school like I do. For me, that is because I currently basically live on scholarships to pay every thing and I am continously taking heavy course loads so I could try to catch up a bit faster with the sabatical years that I have had.
She, on the other hand could rely on her parents to pay her rents and school fees and anything else though we are both in our mid twenties. I do not have that type of support and have to work sometime to make up for anything that I may need. I have explained it to her and she even sometime get really upset when I have to tutor a student to make money and that student happen to be a female.
She currently want to break up because she said that it is been 3 weeks since we have not seen each other though I was talking to her every day on the phone when I finish my classes. I will call and ask where she is on campus to see her but she will always be busy doing something. I thought she actually understood that I was trying to catch up to do well in my finals.
While 3 weeks of not seeing each other may sound insane for some, I know and God knows that I was genuinely busy with studying during that time. I was also constantly reaching out to her so we will stay in touch. In fact I was pulling multiple all nighter because I was backed up in my studies due to work.
When I won various scholarships in the past, she told me that she felt resentment because she could have been doing better in school as well if she hadn't put the time in our relationship as well.
She also have so trust issue with me. She has been through my phone multiple times in the past and will make me give her any potential password otherwise I will have to be ready to fight for days until she has it.
I made clear to her that it is not ok to snoop through my phone and thought she won't do it again. Surely enough she did and when I found out and got mad and left. She went ahead and smoked with her roommate to call me when she had an adverse reaction that tell me that she smoked because of the way I reacted trying to blame me for.
Her roommate and everyone knows that I am not into smoking, nor am I into drinking and they told me that I tend to control her and that she should be able to smoke whenever and whatever she wants.
She does not want me to talk to anyone else about any of our issues and all her friends think I am the work person on Earth. She gets extremely mad when she found out that I have talked to some of my friends and will fight for days.
She fights me extremely hard for months when she sees on my phone that a childhood friend (considered a sister) who is already married, have child, and lives in another country calls on a video call with her husband and kids to ask how I am doing.
I could spend time together with her when it comes to studying but I have tried it multiple time before and I am able to be way more productive when I work alone in my room especially when I am behind on the material and I have an exam coming up. That is what happens in the past 3 weeks. I know that it is bad but I don't know how else to improve myself without having my academic performance suffer.
For example, I was studying at the beginning of finals week and I decided to call up to see how her studying was going. When she responded, she told me that her roommates and herself were all watching comedie shows on Netflix and that they are having such a good time. That make me realize that I was not going to be as productive if I were over at her place to study so I stayed at my place.
All the sudden during finals week, she started ignoring my texts and calls, and replies much later (10hr) with lines such as "I can't talk to you". When I called, to ask what was going on, she said that it has been 3 weeks since we have not seen each other and that she has been bearing that behavior of mine for a long time and she could no longer continue.
I got mad, I apologize and hang up on her. Since then we are not talking (3 days now). I was looking forward to this break so we could do things and catch up and I thought it would be the same for her but she welcomed me with fact that she could no longer do this.
I would write her a hand written letter …..tell her you have been doing some soul searching of whats important to you...even writing it down and her name is at the top of the list..
admits you are a man and therefore a dunce..... then bring up a memory you cherish of her.....and say those feelings have never left actually grown....but have been more suppressed by day to day stress.... tell her you will forever cherish her...and the memories you've already made.... and you believe you need a fresh start …...and im more than willing to try if you are..
give her something special she likes....a type of flower etc.
then leave her alone she knows how you feel
then give it a week see if she responds.... leave her be no texts...nothing..
My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now.
The first year was smooth and great. The best memories that I have of us roll back to that year.
The following 2 years were made out of constant fights every other 2 months or so as I remember it over unnecessary things.
I am not perfect, but the main reasons from her prospective seem to be my inability to show love in the way she wants me to. Hanging out more often, make her the absolute priority over everything that I do. School, work, hanging with male friends.
I am not perfect and I know it. Because of some financial issues, I took about 3 sabbatical years off school to make money. That was the period in which I met her and things started going bad the since I went back to school about 2 years ago.
She is a student like myself and does not seem to give the same priority to her school like I do. For me, that is because I currently basically live on scholarships to pay every thing and I am continously taking heavy course loads so I could try to catch up a bit faster with the sabatical years that I have had.
She, on the other hand could rely on her parents to pay her rents and school fees and anything else though we are both in our mid twenties. I do not have that type of support and have to work sometime to make up for anything that I may need. I have explained it to her and she even sometime get really upset when I have to tutor a student to make money and that student happen to be a female.
She currently want to break up because she said that it is been 3 weeks since we have not seen each other though I was talking to her every day on the phone when I finish my classes. I will call and ask where she is on campus to see her but she will always be busy doing something. I thought she actually understood that I was trying to catch up to do well in my finals.
While 3 weeks of not seeing each other may sound insane for some, I know and God knows that I was genuinely busy with studying during that time. I was also constantly reaching out to her so we will stay in touch. In fact I was pulling multiple all nighter because I was backed up in my studies due to work.
When I won various scholarships in the past, she told me that she felt resentment because she could have been doing better in school as well if she hadn't put the time in our relationship as well.
She also have so trust issue with me. She has been through my phone multiple times in the past and will make me give her any potential password otherwise I will have to be ready to fight for days until she has it.
I made clear to her that it is not ok to snoop through my phone and thought she won't do it again. Surely enough she did and when I found out and got mad and left. She went ahead and smoked with her roommate to call me when she had an adverse reaction that tell me that she smoked because of the way I reacted trying to blame me for.
Her roommate and everyone knows that I am not into smoking, nor am I into drinking and they told me that I tend to control her and that she should be able to smoke whenever and whatever she wants.
She does not want me to talk to anyone else about any of our issues and all her friends think I am the work person on Earth. She gets extremely mad when she found out that I have talked to some of my friends and will fight for days.
She fights me extremely hard for months when she sees on my phone that a childhood friend (considered a sister) who is already married, have child, and lives in another country calls on a video call with her husband and kids to ask how I am doing.
I could spend time together with her when it comes to studying but I have tried it multiple time before and I am able to be way more productive when I work alone in my room especially when I am behind on the material and I have an exam coming up. That is what happens in the past 3 weeks. I know that it is bad but I don't know how else to improve myself without having my academic performance suffer.
For example, I was studying at the beginning of finals week and I decided to call up to see how her studying was going. When she responded, she told me that her roommates and herself were all watching comedie shows on Netflix and that they are having such a good time. That make me realize that I was not going to be as productive if I were over at her place to study so I stayed at my place.
All the sudden during finals week, she started ignoring my texts and calls, and replies much later (10hr) with lines such as "I can't talk to you". When I called, to ask what was going on, she said that it has been 3 weeks since we have not seen each other and that she has been bearing that behavior of mine for a long time and she could no longer continue.
I got mad, I apologize and hang up on her. Since then we are not talking (3 days now). I was looking forward to this break so we could do things and catch up and I thought it would be the same for her but she welcomed me with fact that she could no longer do this.
What would you do if you were in this situation
Well, everything you have written proves that she is not a priority for you. Yes, you should break up.
Is it really worth it? Your relationship sounds miserable. I think you should break things off kindly by telling her that you don’t have enough time to make her happy. You’re never going to win. Her friends don’t respect your efforts and she’s too needy.
Focus on finishing school. Date a few new women casually. Keep up the good work. Things will improve if you take care of business first.
You two are completely different people. You're not compatible.
She needs to get professional help to overcome her trust problems. Her trust issues have nothing to do with you, but they prevent her from seeing you as the good guy you are. She's not able to appreciate your good qualities, because of some kind of ghosts from her past, that cause her to not trust you. There's nothing you can do about that; she has to want to solve her own psychological issues.
She also has life much easier than you. She doesn't seem able to understand your situation, and isn't able to be supportive.
Maybe you're to busy with school and work to have time for a relationship at this point in your life. That might be something to think about.
Is it really worth it? Your relationship sounds miserable. I think you should break things off kindly by telling her that you don’t have enough time to make her happy. You’re never going to win. Her friends don’t respect your efforts and she’s too needy.
Focus on finishing school. Date a few new women casually. Keep up the good work. Things will improve if you take care of business first.
I agree with this. Too many issues and headaches. Even though you’re both students you are on two different levels of finances, studying, work ethic and maturity. I’d cut her loose and just focus on study and work for a couple months and getting caught up with your stuff, then start dating casually or socialize in groups just for a night out here and there .
You are mature enough to realize that the few years you spend in college will pay you back multiples on your effort, while your girl friend is not. If both of you get good educations you will be fixed for life.
She's not getting with the program. If she can't do it now I see no reason for her to perform better after college. You'll have a great education and she won't. As a result she won't be able to pull her load in life, just like she seems to not be able to focus on her study load.
It seems to me the two of you have incompatible goals. You'll have to either resolve the issues or break up. From the way you described her it doesn't sound like she is going to get serious about college any time soon.
Focus on your studies. Date women casually. Graduate and get a good job. Then when you meet your ideal woman you two can argue about spending too much time at work instead of too much time studying.
ETA:
I just realized something. Is the OP a creative writing assignment? You two are studying at the same campus and you haven't seen each other in 3 weeks?
That stretches my imagination to the point of my being incredulous. The two of you can't find one hour per week to share together and you're within walking distance? Scoff, scoff.
Within these 3 weeks that we have not seen each other, I would call/text her every time after class to find out where she is so I could stop by.
She would either have left campus to go to her parents, be in front of her professor office to attend office hour, about to get help with a TA, being in a study group. Each time there will be something and I was always the one calling/texting to see where she was so we could meet.
For example, the day she said she was in front of her professor office, I asked her where that was so I could come in and hang with her while she waits. Then she replied that she was just called to go in and I told her that I will to my place to study then.
That is why I said that I am not perfect. I know 3 weeks without seeing each other is a lot but I was talking to her everyday trying to see her.
I also thought she would have understood as her and I spent the Thanksgiving break together and everytime after she goes to bed, I would stay up until 5 am to finish assignments and projects. I have been crying to her that I have a lot of work to do as finals exams were near but she suprised me with this.
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