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I'd define my attitude as, "only if he adds to my life", and I think that's healthy. Having my current friend an hour away isn't exactly convenient! (We alternate driving to each others' cities.)
Does this also include that you "add to HIS life", as well?
Yeah, it's kind of sad. We've gone from people that are anti-marriage, which I can't blame them, to anti-relationship or "I'll have a man/woman in my life, but only if it's convenient to me".
Google "Living together apart" and you'll see what I mean. Pretty sad.
To be honest, I'd be perfectly fine in a MARRIAGE where we had our separate spaces.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Yeah, it's kind of sad. We've gone from people that are anti-marriage, which I can't blame them, to anti-relationship or "I'll have a man/woman in my life, but only if it's convenient to me".
.
Add this to the long list of statements I have never once seen in countless thousands of profiles looked at.
... for most male loners a romantic partner is their ONE exception to their "I don't like people" mindset, on the flip side most of the few women that are loners also include potential romantic partners as people to avoid also.
Why is this?
This is just my opinion, nothing to back it up. Not scientific AT ALL.
But I think, overall, women don't need men in their lives as much as men need women/their brains are wired a little differently due to human history andit's influence on biology. I am not saying they don't love as much as the men do or they don't care, but I think that women are somehow able to cope and compartmentalize the loss of a mate or not having a mate better, out of necessity.
In the past/human history, men went off to hunt for weeks at a time and didn't come back or went off to war for months and years at a time and many did not come back/were never heard from again. A woman who was not well adapted to handle this kind of loss (who because depressed or suicidal) didn't thrive/her children didn't thrive and was selected against. Being able to cope with no mate is a survival mechanism that women needed that men didn't need as much.
Again, just my own theory based on personal experience and it could be total hogwash (so take with a heap of salt). But I've often wondered why it seemed like female friends (widowed or broken up relationships) as a group seemed to cope better with loss or breakup and not want someone else longer than male friends who seem to need someone in their lives.
Of course, that's just as groups. On an individual level, things are different and people, regardless of gender, have a wide range of tolerances, abilities to cope, etc. They are unique. Do not make the fallacy of comparing an individual to a group. Doesn't work.
This is just my opinion, nothing to back it up. Not scientific AT ALL.
But I think, overall, women don't need men in their lives as much as men need women/their brains are wired a little differently due to human history andit's influence on biology. I am not saying they don't love as much as the men do or they don't care, but I think that women are somehow able to cope and compartmentalize the loss of a mate or not having a mate better, out of necessity.
In the past/human history, men went off to hunt for weeks at a time and didn't come back or went off to war for months and years at a time and many did not come back/were never heard from again. A woman who was not well adapted to handle this kind of loss (who because depressed or suicidal) didn't thrive/her children didn't thrive and was selected against. Being able to cope with no mate is a survival mechanism that women needed that men didn't need as much.
Again, just my own theory based on personal experience and it could be total hogwash (so take with a heap of salt). But I've often wondered why it seemed like female friends (widowed or broken up relationships) as a group seemed to cope better with loss or breakup and not want someone else longer than male friends who seem to need someone in their lives.
Of course, that's just as groups. On an individual level, things are different and people, regardless of gender, have a wide range of tolerances, abilities to cope, etc. They are unique. Do not make the fallacy of comparing an individual to a group. Doesn't work.
That's a good evolutionary psychological explanation for it. Women have a higher amount of parental investment towards their offspring, so that is where the priority goes to in terms of natural selection. At least, according to evolutionary psychologists.
This is just my opinion, nothing to back it up. Not scientific AT ALL.
But I think, overall, women don't need men in their lives as much as men need women/their brains are wired a little differently due to human history andit's influence on biology. I am not saying they don't love as much as the men do or they don't care, but I think that women are somehow able to cope and compartmentalize the loss of a mate or not having a mate better, out of necessity.
In the past/human history, men went off to hunt for weeks at a time and didn't come back or went off to war for months and years at a time and many did not come back/were never heard from again. A woman who was not well adapted to handle this kind of loss (who because depressed or suicidal) didn't thrive/her children didn't thrive and was selected against. Being able to cope with no mate is a survival mechanism that women needed that men didn't need as much.
Again, just my own theory based on personal experience and it could be total hogwash (so take with a heap of salt). But I've often wondered why it seemed like female friends (widowed or broken up relationships) as a group seemed to cope better with loss or breakup and not want someone else longer than male friends who seem to need someone in their lives.
Of course, that's just as groups. On an individual level, things are different and people, regardless of gender, have a wide range of tolerances, abilities to cope, etc. They are unique. Do not make the fallacy of comparing an individual to a group. Doesn't work.
We could also look at the old school gender roles, men depended on women for emotional support, raising kids, keeping a home etc etc.
Women relied on men for financial support, if they needed emotional support they weren't to burden their husbands with it, rather they talked to their families or other women. So women have evolved to have larger support networks, even loner women have their siblings and parents. Now that we can financially support ourselves there's less of a "need" for a man.
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