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~ living in CA
~ $21,500 in savings
~ live with a conficted felon (my brother) who is juvenille and voliatile to tell the least, who also gives the excuse, 'I can't move anywhere, I'm a felon', so my mom, who has enabled both of us for her own security (Lord knows i have tried to break this toxic cycle), says to me, 'you'll have to find a place to live' This happened 12 years ago, when his probation officer told my mom that my brother and I could not be in the same house - so I left. I have been out on my own several times, but yes, always come back to what I thought was the comfort zone.
~ looking for a possible roommate situation, but realistically, how reliable is that - to me, not very. There's so much involved here, but this is the jist of it.
Am I rational in thinking and feeling so angry, sad, frustrated, and resentful towards my mom who, I took care of when she had her heart attack in Dec., and my brother who, I visited in prison and picked up in prison and took care of his soon to be repossessed car when he committed his crime? And I am tired! I moved away for a year and got emotionally stable and was so much happier, unfortunately, the people I met used me, and charged me money for everything they did help me with - I hardly call those people friends. I email with one of the spiritual guidance counselors, I miss her, she was so helpful.
Between the grieving of a chapter of my life that was so far the best, now closed, I'm not sure where to go from here. At times I feel like I have the confidence to tackle all on my plate, and other times I sit and waste the days as I watch time slipping away and I am on disability, with no retirement or nest egg in site. I go to a Partial program and look and feel I could do their job.
Would someone please be willing to give me some sound guidance - as I don't really have anyone who can do that for me. I thought about going back to 'refresh' my Medical Assistant degree, and/or take some ECE units to get a job as a Teacher's Aide, and I need to meet with a financial aid counselor so I can finally finish my Bachelor's in Psychology, so I can learn what options are available to me so I can finally be independent - physically and emotionally. I've gained 20 pounds in the last month because of new medication that has finally helped my panic attacks, and a muscle relaxer which I don't think I need all the time, so the weight doesn't help---but dang that's the last thing I need to think about now. My bro and I haven't spoken in over a week, and it's getting uncomfortable but nice at the same time---I don't have to be his therapist nor hear his BS. It's like living in the same house as a rock---walking on eggshells---
First get your own place and get counseling to learn to deal with your home situation. It's toxic and you need to remove yourself before you can start anew. Mom or no mom, if she's toxic, you should not live with her. Same for your brother, if he lives with mom and she allows what he does, that's between them two.
Also get to the doctor and discuss your meds, they should be adjusted.
You'll need to be out of that house before you can finish schooling, get a job and stick with it. Otherwise you'll end up quitting everything and be right back where you are now. Planning it all is great but you have to do more than that.... Live your live, not someone elses.
Oh, and no more grieving for what you had, it takes away your energy for better things. What's gone is gone, try to learn from it.
How old are you? So you have no other family besides your brother and mother? In terms of not being used by other people, I hope that you keep the fact that you have $21,500 in savings a deep dark secret from everyone. If you find a roommate situation, keep your bank statements and other important papers in a safe deposit box.
Yes. You have a right to be resentful. But you have to get out. Period.
Feel what you want to feel, get whatever help you need, cry to whomever you need to...but get out.
If my house were on fire, I'd be sad, angry and upset to see all I'd worked for going up in flames, but you can be damned sure I wouldn't be standing there in the living room complaining while the flames fell all around me.
Yes. You have a right to be resentful. But you have to get out. Period
I agree--you have a right to be hurt/upset, but you've gotta get past it or it will consume you. Move away, and I mean FAR away--get out of CA. You need to start a new life for yourself. Move to Houston, Dallas, or Austin, Texas. The economy is good there and the cost of living much less than CA. Use your savings to move there and rent a modest apartment. Then get a job and get enrolled in classes at the local communtiy college to work on your career. These cities are great places to start your life over, which is exactly what I think you need.
Take your 21,500 in savings and leave. Go somewhere else. Easy as that, especially with the money you have. You have enough to start over. Do what you want. Another thing, get off the drugs. You don't need dangerous drugs that also make you gain weight for something you can control. When you leave the situation you're in and your toxic family, your life will change for the better if that's what you really want.
I'm 37. The only other relatives I have are an aunt, uncle, two cousins, we're not close anymore My dad is in Torrance, he has been really supportive last year, but he has had to deal with the death of his mother. Believe me, my money, due to identity theft, is safe and sound JerZ---fire and flames are more physical--different than the being TERRIFIED of my brother and his temper and rageful episodes. It's very expensive to live in CA. That's why I am asking myself every damn day--where can I go? I apologize, this is just really making me physically and emotionally SICK. JerZ--I know what you mean though-"Shut up or get off the pot"--I'm not usually like this--it seems like a very very rare decision I am having to make, a hard one, no one standing beside me as I do it--and that is fine-I'm a big girl---done some pretty courageous things. Exactly---I talked today that staying in CA is TOO close--I need to move to somewhere FAR away from this, I am really serious. How do I begin to do that? A single woman triung to finish a Bachelors, not working right now, I was on my way, but I have issues, but I wonder what ones are really stopping me, I mean if I were driving near a cliff, what steps would i take to ensure my safety? Same in this situation am I right? I am allowing my mom and bro to F my life up!!!!! Yes I am I am allowing this!professorsenator--I just don't see how a person can do what you're talking about? Just get up and move? I go to a partial program to meet with group therapy. My whole body, and my heart that won't stop fluttering, my pulse is beating at a rather fast rate---I am not sure if being here is the problem, and I'll never know unless i get out. I cannot, at this point, stand to be around my brother ZERO freaking toolerance---when a person's heart is racing and walking on eggshells, stressed to the limit, it's like the woman who stays married to the womanizing husband. I am really scared I am going to have a heart attack from all the stress, not to mention, my increased smoking, and taking a look at my lifestyle, not exercise lately either. I am a beautiful, intelligent young woman, if you only knew and understrood my history...and my life is passing me by. I tell people this, but they tell me I have accomplished much, I need to look at that, and that I will get through it. I don't know......Today we found out that a woman in our program just stepped off a 7 story bridge in a business complex Monday--yep--had enough---she wasn't messing around.
My point: people get pushed far enough and hurt enough and that's why suicide is ranked pretty damn high among the leading cause of deaths in the USA. Nice huh? I want to leave---it is really what i want, if I had my way though, I wouldn't even be in this predicament--it just seems to be getting worse and i waste so much damn energy when I'm around/in it. I just feel this situation is serious, making me ill, and at a loss as what to do, and soon I know something will have to be done, it's not worth my health to see how much more I can take. I hate the meds, and my anxiety was a lot less away from both of them. I NEVER thought I would be on meds, and so severely anxious like this in my life. I hope my brother rots in hell.
Geezus ridiculous.
You posted another thread several months ago about this very same thing and now you're posting it again.
People are giving you advice on what to do and it looks like you're ignoring it.
There's only one good thing to do and it's to leave your past and present and move on to a new future or you can choose to continue to keep posting the same threads on CD, and get the same advice, and be miserable.
If you enjoy being miserable (and it appears you do) then stay where you're at, otherwise, do something about it and quit the excuses.
professorsenator--I just don't see how a person can do what you're talking about? Just get up and move? I go to a partial program to meet with group therapy...
But you CAN pack your bags a get out of town. You're an adult in a free country. You have some money to make it happen. All you need is the willpower to do it. You are creating artificial constraints on yourself by saying that you can't. You didn't create this awful situation, but you're boxing yourself into it by refusing to recognize that you have the ability to get away from it.
I agree that it sounds like you need some counseling. I think a brand new start in a place far away--along with some counseling--would really help.
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This is getting to be too much
My dad is in Torrance, he has been really supportive last year, but he has had to deal with the death of his mother. Believe me, my money, due to identity theft, is safe and sound
JerZ---fire and flames are more physical--different than the being TERRIFIED of my brother and his temper and rageful episodes. It's very expensive to live in CA. That's why I am asking myself every damn day--where can I go? I apologize, this is just really making me physically and emotionally SICK. JerZ--I know what you mean though-"Shut up or get off the pot"--I'm not usually like this--it seems like a very very rare decision I am having to make, a hard one, no one standing beside me as I do it--and that is fine-I'm a big girl---done some pretty courageous things. Exactly---I talked today that staying in CA is TOO close--I need to move to somewhere FAR away from this, I am really serious. How do I begin to do that? A single woman triung to finish a Bachelors, not working right now, I was on my way, but I have issues, but I wonder what ones are really stopping me, I mean if I were driving near a cliff, what steps would i take to ensure my safety? Same in this situation am I right? I am allowing my mom and bro to F my life up!!!!! Yes I am I am allowing this!professorsenator--I just don't see how a person can do what you're talking about? Just get up and move? I go to a partial program to meet with group therapy. My whole body, and my heart that won't stop fluttering, my pulse is beating at a rather fast rate---I am not sure if being here is the problem, and I'll never know unless i get out. I cannot, at this point, stand to be around my brother ZERO freaking toolerance---when a person's heart is racing and walking on eggshells, stressed to the limit, it's like the woman who stays married to the womanizing husband. I am really scared I am going to have a heart attack from all the stress, not to mention, my increased smoking, and taking a look at my lifestyle, not exercise lately either. I am a beautiful, intelligent young woman, if you only knew and understrood my history...and my life is passing me by. I tell people this, but they tell me I have accomplished much, I need to look at that, and that I will get through it. I don't know......Today we found out that a woman in our program just stepped off a 7 story bridge in a business complex Monday--yep--had enough---she wasn't messing around.
