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Why not? What has worked? waiting for her to ask you out? I just don't think there are that many other ways to get a woman to go out with you. Asking seems like a pretty important part of the process.
I don't know you or how old you are. I'm 50. I would NEVER be resentful if a guy asked me out, no matter who it was. If I were not interested I would say I was busy or seeing someone and leave it at that. If I were creeped out or stunned or thought it was somehow inappropriate, I would likely keep that to myself.
What I do resent is guys who ARE interested who aren't brave enough to risk potential rejection and just ask already! Guess what? I haven't been asked out in RL in YEARS. I'm really afraid it is because of guys like you who will die alone because they can't man up and ask.
I'm just old enough to think that men should do the asking. I've asked plenty of times. I've been rejected and survived it. I've been embarrassed and survived it. Geez, what's the worst that can happen.
I'm tap dancing around this very same conundrum with an acquaintance. I'm attracted. He's a great catch. I don't know that much about him but he seems to be single. (I'm assuming he's single). He is away for the holidays so I prob. won't see him again until mid January. I"m getting friendly vibes. I can and will ask him out. (Once I confirm that he's single) But I'd be so much more confident if he asked me.
IMHO that diva-esque behavior (The nerve of that guy, asking ME out!) is for people who think highly of themselves. Not normal folk.
If you wait until you think you know for sure, you'll never ask. Women are too different for any "sure" indicators other than them asking YOU out, and that's not very common.
You'll just need to get used to hearing "no". You can't make a big deal out of it and the more you do it, the easier it'll be. No just means on to the next! Actually, the less time and effort you invest, the easier a "no" will be to get over. So don't agonize over it or you'll miss the opportunity. Just realize from the start that there are more no's than yeses, but you'll never get to yes without a good number of no's first.
People by nature hate saying no, but when "asking out" it's best to word the question in a way that is hard to just say "no" to. "You should let me take you out sometime." Stuff like that.
I have never nor will I ever ask a woman out while she is on the job. Service-sector employees, the kinds that I would run into and who would show friendliness to me, are paid to be nice and likeable. Completely inappropriate.
Ditto for women I work with. They're there to do a job, not get approached by men. The only women I've asked out have been acquaintances, in my social circle, met through common interests, etc. I don't cold approach but if I've had a pleasant interaction or two with her then I've taken my chances. Those chances have been failures, primarily to my misreading friendliness as interest on her part. I can graciously take a No, but I hate the thought that I've now made it awkward for her to be around me otherwise. A man my age should know what to look for, but I don't; hence, I'm asking for help on what to look for in the future.
I've had two women get touchy with me in the past. Both shot me down, including the one at the Christmas party. She found a reason to "adjust" my tie, smooth my collar out, rub my sleeve, that kind of thing a couple of times. It was one of the reasons I thought she might be interested. I'll keep it in mind for the future but I've had false-positives.
How in blazes do I "casually" ask about a boyfriend? That seems like a pretty forward, direct, personal question.
I've had false positives before, too... it is what it is.
The part of the puzzle you may be3 missing, is that it doesn't work for a lot of people. It's not just you. It's not that you're doing anything wrong, necessarily. Try to take it in stride, more. Sure, just because someone's enjoying a chat with you (or with anyone) at a party, or wherever you run into them, doesn't mean they're interested in you. They may just be enjoying being sociable for the simple pleasure of sharing a chat with another human being. Lots of guys would strike out, if they took the step of asking if they could buy her coffee, say, to continue the conversation, or if they ask for her number. It's not a big failure; nothing ventured, nothing gained.
What you're asking now, is how to increase the odds of getting a "yes", by gauging body language. Still, there are no guarantees; just keep that in mind. No matter how you work it, if you get turned down, it won't be because you somehow lacked technique, or did anything wrong.
I hope that most women do not resent being asked out. I never did. It may have been awkward to say no but resentment? No.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma
IMHO that diva-esque behavior (The nerve of that guy, asking ME out!) is for people who think highly of themselves. Not normal folk.
I think a lot of us dudes feel that we are somehow not good enough so they have that fear. A lot of us think that we have to be tall muscle heads in order to get the right to ask women out.
But you can go to the gym get jacked and everything but that is not going to get very far. All of this is just to be confident in yourself.
Doubt there's any 1 sure fire indicator. Positive cues might be lots of eye contact. She wants to be close to you. She smiles often at you and she makes conversation. No guarantees though, she might check all the boxes and still not mean what u think it means. Or none of those and she could still be interested. I've known women who gave little hints at 1st but, when alone, cornered me and grabbed me. Or they might lick their lips and stare at your crotch or something.
Why not? What has worked? waiting for her to ask you out? I just don't think there are that many other ways to get a woman to go out with you. Asking seems like a pretty important part of the process.
I don't know you or how old you are. I'm 50. I would NEVER be resentful if a guy asked me out, no matter who it was. If I were not interested I would say I was busy or seeing someone and leave it at that. If I were creeped out or stunned or thought it was somehow inappropriate, I would likely keep that to myself.
What I do resent is guys who ARE interested who aren't brave enough to risk potential rejection and just ask already! Guess what? I haven't been asked out in RL in YEARS. I'm really afraid it is because of guys like you who will die alone because they can't man up and ask.
I'm just old enough to think that men should do the asking. I've asked plenty of times. I've been rejected and survived it. I've been embarrassed and survived it. Geez, what's the worst that can happen.
I'm tap dancing around this very same conundrum with an acquaintance. I'm attracted. He's a great catch. I don't know that much about him but he seems to be single. (I'm assuming he's single). He is away for the holidays so I prob. won't see him again until mid January. I"m getting friendly vibes. I can and will ask him out. (Once I confirm that he's single) But I'd be so much more confident if he asked me.
IMHO that diva-esque behavior (The nerve of that guy, asking ME out!) is for people who think highly of themselves. Not normal folk.
-Why hasn't it worked? I'm not an attractive or interesting man, and I lack confidence. That's the closest I've come to piecing together why.
-What has worked? Nothing. I've gotten one date in my life; during the date she was polite but aloof, and she ghosted me after. My other shots have all missed.
-Asking is an important part of the process. Here I'm trying to recalibrate when I should ask.
-Trying to keep a woman from feeling creeped out, or from being socially inappropriate, is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. Just because a woman keeps it to herself doesn't mean I haven't violated the social contract with her.
Edit: Partially disingenuous on the last one. I'm trying to avoid making women feel uncomfortable, but I'm also trying to avoid getting rejected by asking out women who aren't interested. To date women haven't been interested or shown me that they're interested; means I need to cool it on the asking out until I see stronger signals. Trying to figure out what the signals could be.
Last edited by At Arms Length; 12-27-2018 at 08:41 PM..
What you're asking now, is how to increase the odds of getting a "yes", by gauging body language. Still, there are no guarantees; just keep that in mind. No matter how you work it, if you get turned down, it won't be because you somehow lacked technique, or did anything wrong.
That's exactly what I'm doing.
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