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Let this go and think to yourself, "he is just going thru a phase" could be a very stupid thing to do! Your original Post would give anyone the idea that you ARE truely concerned about this. Of course, the couples who enjoy watching porn will undoubtly tell you "don't worry about", "it can be a very healthy thing to do", "you should think about joining in to watch" and on and on. But the truth remains, you definitely sound like a concerned wife....in which you should be!!
My question to some of the Repliers is: Why should she just "let it go and see if it continues" when obviously this lady IS already concerned enough to ask in a Public Forum if it is ok for her husband to spend money on/and watch porn????
My husband and I watch them together to spice things up- we usually end up laughing about them. I figure its a guy thing and not that he craves it- but I don't think he minds. We have also been known to go to strip clubs every so often. NO lap dances just drinks and a view. We critique the girls together..Im secure enough I guess.
Why should she just "let it go and see if it continues" when obviously this lady IS already concerned enough to ask in a Public Forum if it is ok for her husband to spend money on/and watch porn????
I can think of a few reasons:
- porn consumption is very common, and though considered bawdy, it is acceptable behavior in many contemporary social circles.
- porn consumption is not illegal
- porn consumption does not necessarily lead to marital infidelity
- porn consumption may contribute to increased sexual fulfillment by couples and/or individuals
- porn viewing is often accompanied by masturbation, which is completely harmless
- knowledge and awareness of porn consumption is low among some people, thus folks like OP may be unaware of the widespread use of porn.
There may, of course, be some area for concern, however:
- a reasonable interest in porn could turn into obsession/addiction
- an obsession with porn could lead to lack of interest in one's sexual partner and wasting of financial resources
- porn is adult-only material and should only be viewed by consenting adults
Well, I've made my point and so have the "for porn" made theirs. To me, it is all up to the lady that done this Thread. I mean, people can only give so much advise.
But, just read the title of this Thread that she done:
"Am I being silly, or do most husbands do it too?"
Truely, does this lady have any knowledge on this subject...obviously not. What she MUST do is talk to him about it. I mean, she says that she found "evidence" that he is renting/watching these movies. This man is hiding this from his wife and, on to of that, is a father also. What if one of the kids just happens to see (or hear) their father with porn.
Anyone here can say what they believe is right, BUT this lady asked a question about "is it normal" and I say no (IMO).
bkneilbunch: Good Luck (you may very well need it)
A friend of mine found several porno magazines her husband had in the basement and questioned him about why he had them. He said it was "normal", you know, a "guy thing". She promptly when out and bought several issues of Playgirl magazine (photo spreads of hunky, young, naked men). One night when they were sitting in bed watching T.V., she casually took them out and started looking a them. Needless to say her husband was shocked and "insulted". She told him what was good enough for him was good enough for her too! Needless to say, his girlie magazines dissapeared, and she never found any porno materials in their home again. If you're mate is O.K. with it, fine, if it is upsetting to your mate and you still can't give it up, you've got a problem.
Subtle Dangers of Pornography (http://www.pureintimacy.org/gr/intimacy/understanding/a0000121.cfm - broken link) Pornography is dangerous to individuals and to an entire nation.
Your original Post would give anyone the idea that you ARE truely concerned about this.
(snip)
My question to some of the Repliers is: Why should she just "let it go and see if it continues" when obviously this lady IS already concerned enough to ask in a Public Forum if it is ok for her husband to spend money on/and watch porn????
Well, personally, my answer would be that she didn't sound truly concerned about it. In fact, she asked if she should be concerned about it...she wasn't even sure whether she should worry.
Now if she had said, "Somebody please help me...I found porn on my husband's comp and it really upsets me and I'm not sure why, but it does...I just don't know what to do...it makes me feel bad in X, Y and Z ways..." then I'd say she was concerned.
It seemed to me she was just asking whether it's a normal thing or not.
I think the main question here should be, did the wife already sense a problem before she found the porn? What I mean, more graphically, is, were there already sexual problems in the relationship? Because to me, that would be the indicator of whether or not it should be a concern. From what I understand of men (or at least what they've told me ), if the porn is a substitute for "real" sex...then yes, it might be an obsession, might be the only way the man can perform, might be an indicator he no longer feels close to his wife, etc.
But if the sex life is still fine, I would say the porn is just an "add on," and yes, quite a bit less to worry about. If at all.
It seemed to me she was just asking whether it's a normal thing or not.
Determining what is "normal" is a tricky question, isn't it?
If we think of normal as meaning common, regular, or unexceptional, then I think men (married and single) viewing at least some porn is probably "normal." If normal means that which is majoritarian (i.e most people do it) my guess is that, overall, most men do not. But I suspect significant age variance. I'll bet porn consumption and age are inversely correlated--the younger one is the more likely they are to use porn (keeping in mind that there are probably plenty exceptions to that rule, too)
Determining what is "normal" is a tricky question, isn't it?
Exactly so. I got the feeling that was why she was asking...because she knew some people react to this, and some don't, so she was wondering how she should react.
It's a very individual thing and it depends upon a lot of circumstances.
Good post, BTW (the part I snipped out).
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), if the porn is a substitute for "real" sex...then yes, it might be an obsession, might be the only way the man can perform, might be an indicator he no longer feels close to his wife, etc. 
