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Maybe because it's not that easy to just end a marriage after 20 years. Lots of people stay in marriages they don't want to be in and far longer than they should because of the very same ideologies that fuel the judgment here.
Another consideration would be why one would make these promises when you can't guarantee that you'll be the same person in 20 years, let alone your spouse.
And "love, honor and cherish" goes both ways, doesn't it? Isn't that another way of saying don't neglect your spouse? He said he did it because it made him feel appreciated. She acknowledged her role in the demise of their marriage. So one can infer he felt neglected. She's just not going the distance wrt responsibility. She plays a role in the marriage ending but not his cheating? That's just not rational.
That's a hoot! Again, if he was feeling neglected get out and take it elsewhere. He could afford a side piece so there's no argument that he can't afford a divorce. FIVE kids? He was obviously keeping busy earlier in the marriage...if he was so unhappy he should have said no more kids....
BTW, where does your "progressive" attitude come from? Married? Divorced? Ever been in a long term relationship?
I read it. He cheated on her while they were still married, kinda the definition of cheating isn't it?
That was abundantly clear lol.
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Point is that if you are so unhappy with the marriage then end it BEFORE you move on to something else.
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Tell your partner that you're done and seeking companionship/sex elsewhere beforehand.
That would be ideal for her, wouldn't it? Why didn't she let him go if she couldn't fulfill her promise?
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Divorce can be complicated or difficult for various reasons, but that's not a legitimate excuse for having an affair and lying about it. I find that cowardly.
It appears he cheated because he was unfulfilled in his marriage, not because divorce is complicated/difficult.
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No one is driven to cheating.
Millions of people beg to differ.
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they have the option to choose to leave the situation before starting a new relationship.
Y'all keep arguing this like anyone has even suggested he had no other options lol.
If you want to sleep with other people, get a divorce first. Placing blame serves no purpose, and if you are fooling around, you cannot be working on your marriage in good faith.
It's really simple.
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Maybe because it's not that easy to just end a marriage after 20 years. Lots of people stay in marriages they don't want to be in and far longer than they should because of the very same ideologies that fuel the judgment here.
Another consideration would be why one would make these promises when you can't guarantee that you'll be the same person in 20 years, let alone your spouse.
And "love, honor and cherish" goes both ways, doesn't it? Isn't that another way of saying don't neglect your spouse? He said he did it because it made him feel appreciated. She acknowledged her role in the demise of their marriage. So one can infer he felt neglected. She's just not going the distance wrt responsibility. She plays a role in the marriage ending but not his cheating? That's just not rational.
Sure, both parties play a role in a marriage that's failing or ending. But when there's infidelity on one person's part, that's a choice. Both people are in the same marriage, but only one person has chosen to cheat. Same marriage, different choices.
I'm someone who has a somewhat understanding take on why people cheat. Leaving isn't always the black or white issue it's portrayed to be by people who want to stone people who cheat. Having said that, I fully understand why people end marriages or LTRs when cheating occurs. I'm saying I get that it happens and why, not that I condone it.
So having said that, the person who cheats is responsible for the cheating.
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Originally Posted by Mikala43
Nope.
If you want to sleep with other people, get a divorce first. Placing blame serves no purpose, and if you are fooling around, you cannot be working on your marriage in good faith.
It's really simple.
Get a divorce, or negotiate consensual non-monogamy.
Cheating is not ok. No one is "driven" to cheat, except by their own internal drive to be scummy.
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Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
Irrelevant.
Quite relevant if you're discussing how relationships work. Or should work. Or how emotions work.
Sure, both parties play a role in a marriage that's failing or ending. But when there's infidelity on one person's part, that's a choice. Both people are in the same marriage, but only one person has chosen to cheat. Same marriage, different choices.
We're really not debating whether or not it was a choice. No one is saying he was *forced* to cheat. The issue is why he cheated, and a lot of folks are sure invested in the emotional explanation vs reality.
Get a divorce, or negotiate consensual non-monogamy.
Cheating is not ok. No one is "driven" to cheat, except by their own internal drive to be scummy.
Quite relevant if you're discussing how relationships work. Or should work. Or how emotions work.
I didn't think of that, and agree. Probably can add get a separation too.
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