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Old 01-02-2019, 11:45 AM
 
421 posts, read 236,648 times
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The last two comments are great , very last one sums it up. Trust takes time , I think I always did the trust until given reasons not to strategy. Trust is earned is a better way to go. . .
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Old 01-02-2019, 11:50 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
Why am i with him? Because I must have "a broken picker" , I honestly thought I finally (though I've had a couple good ones in the past.) got a good one. . .
I appreciate the responses. Thank you
But when you stand back a bit, and look over our shoulders, you can see how this isn't a good match, right?

He comes across as deliberately playing on your insecurities. That's abusive. It's emotional abuse. Have you told him you're insecure about age issues? If he knows that, then it means he has a sadistic streak. Seriously, that's what it is. Get away from this guy. It's not healthy for you to be with him.
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Old 01-02-2019, 11:52 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
The last two comments are great , very last one sums it up. Trust takes time , I think I always did the trust until given reasons not to strategy. Trust is earned is a better way to go. . .
OK but you already don't trust him.

Staying in a bad situation longer isn't a great idea either.
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Old 01-02-2019, 12:01 PM
 
421 posts, read 236,648 times
Reputation: 331
I told him I no longer feel secure in our relationship. He'd have to be really not paying attention to not know I have concerns about my age. He tends to do the "negative motivation" thing. He is not a good encourager. He has , more than once , said something that seems like a put down out of the blue when he feels secure and things are going well. I feel better , felt quite bad when I posted earlier so thank you all again for talking with me.
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Old 01-02-2019, 12:03 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
I told him I no longer feel secure in our relationship. He'd have to be really not paying attention to not know I have concerns about my age. He tends to do the "negative motivation" thing. He is not a good encourager. He has , more than once , said something that seems like a put down out of the blue when he feels secure and things are going well. I feel better , felt quite bad when I posted earlier so thank you all again for talking with me.
Good luck, OP. Beware of guys who are manipulative, or who play on your weaknesses. You deserve better! Happy New Year!
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Old 01-02-2019, 12:04 PM
 
603 posts, read 443,486 times
Reputation: 1480
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
I told him I no longer feel secure in our relationship. He'd have to be really not paying attention to not know I have concerns about my age. He tends to do the "negative motivation" thing. He is not a good encourager. He has , more than once , said something that seems like a put down out of the blue when he feels secure and things are going well. I feel better , felt quite bad when I posted earlier so thank you all again for talking with me.

Good for you!
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Old 01-02-2019, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Mr. Roger's Neighborhood
4,087 posts, read 2,540,907 times
Reputation: 12489
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
The last two comments are great , very last one sums it up. Trust takes time , I think I always did the trust until given reasons not to strategy. Trust is earned is a better way to go. . .
The stance that trust is earned could also come back to bite you as making someone jump through hoops to ease your insecurities isn't something that most people will want to deal with--either in a friendship or a romantic partnership.

It might be best (especially since you do not live together) to cut this guy loose. Take some time off for yourself. Become comfortable with the idea of being alone, before heading back out into the dating world. Avoid men with either current or past addiction issues. (You seem to have tendency to be drawn toward this type. I'm not judging--it's just a simple observation.) If things aren't working during the honeymoon stage of any relationship, end it. No use fighting for a six-month old far less than stellar relationship.
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Old 01-02-2019, 07:46 PM
 
1,569 posts, read 1,005,561 times
Reputation: 3666
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither View Post
I will start by saying I have issues. Trust issues and issues about age as the last person I was with chose to be with someone 17 years younger than me , over me. That previous partner , and other men I've been with , have cheated. These are where some trust issues come from.

I am with someone new. He is younger than me, 7 1/2 years. Sometimes he seems immature for his age. Immature (in regards to responsibilities , a mama's boy at 38. I like his mom btw.) and in general. He sometimes says stupid things. The latest is him telling me about wrinkle cream and then telling me a 21 year old (I am 45) hit on him. He knows my relationship history. I asked him if he told her he has a girl friend and he says he did not. We have been together 6 months. I am having a hard time getting past this. He asked what he can do to make it better. I told him he can take me to his workplace for dinner. (He works in a restaurant with this girl.)


In fact, I had asked him to take me out to the restaurant 3 months ago and he said he did not want to because he doesn't like people knowing about his personal life. I let it go. I have met his friends, he only has two. He is not happy I am insisting on a date at the restaurant. I told him that he did not do his job and put a boundary in place by letting this girl know he has a girlfriend so I think this is a good way to let people know.


Meanwhile , I am feeling bad he talks about wrinkle cream and in the next breath a 21 year old hitting on him while he rarely compliments me. I randomly get compliments on my appearance but never from him.
Just wanted some feedback as I'm feeling really bad , not secure about our relationship whereas I usually do feel secure with him because I see he makes effort to be a good partner. Thank you

You need to dump this person and also at the same time you need to improve your self-esteem within yourself.That guy you're with is a jerk.The fact that he didn't tell the girl at work that he has a gf is because he WANTS the girl to think he's single.He isn't a good partner for you.Someone who is proud of being in a relationship wouldn't hide the fact that they're in one.That's also the reason he doesn't want to take you to his work to eat because then the 'girl' would see that he has a gf and he doesn't want her to know.Saying what he said to you was inappropriate BUT it's not your job to educate this person on how to behave so hence you should remove yourself from this relationship.You deserve better.
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Old 01-02-2019, 08:20 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,380 posts, read 24,385,676 times
Reputation: 17418
...and don’t date former addicts. There’s no “former” to the condition. It’s not because of any kind of stigma, it’s simple reality. Sure, plenty of them are wonderful, talented, exciting, etc. But you will always be dealing with an addictive personality and the challenges that produces.

It’s better to stay single and have several close male friends than to be with a guy who’s clearly not right.
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Old 01-03-2019, 07:45 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,157,398 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Formerly Known As Twenty View Post
The stance that trust is earned could also come back to bite you as making someone jump through hoops to ease your insecurities isn't something that most people will want to deal with--either in a friendship or a romantic partnership.
That's more than a bit of projection for this person's situation. The guy is not being trustworthy with her feelings. In fact, he seems to be intentionally tweeking her.
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