Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It seems that you're still in the thick of grieving for your wife; what was lost. Grief never truly ends as you know all-too-well, but hopefully with time the scar left behind will heal enough for you to be able to move forward into a new relationship. From previous posts I've gathered that, with the exception of the years that you acted as a caretaker for your wife during her illness, you had a beautiful marriage (and that your wife would be a tough act to follow, which is such a high compliment to her and the life that you built together).
On the topic of dating, not all women are as shallow as many seem to be online. You take care of your physical health and you don't seem to carry any bitterness towards women. You're still engaged with the world. All three of those are highly attractive qualities, in my opinion. As for the height: plenty of taller ladies are willing to go out with men who are somewhat shorter than themselves if there are other attractive qualities present (which you seem to have). As a woman who's not far off from being six feet tall myself with a penchant for wearing high heels, I've never been put off by a man of your height or even a bit shorter as it would be silly to limit my options because of something so silly as a difference in height. There are surely others who feel the same way re: seeing a man who is shorter than themselves. Just don't lie about either your height or age as that *is* unattractive (and poor advice).
At the end of the day, from what I've gathered from both other posters and friends who have done online dating with variable results, it's largely a numbers game and a touch of luck. If you feel up to meeting new women, keep at it and see what happens. Take a break from it as needed.
Thanks for the kind words.
Being honest with myself, yes I am still grieving. I wish the chief in Dances with Wolves would tell me I grieve no more. Not sure how that works. I don't think we can ever get over things like this. We just adapt and learn to compartmentalize? At least that is what I am hoping. I need to try.
I usually prefer short women but I am not really adverse to any height. Okay, if she is over 8 ft I might draw a line there. I started out with no height parameters and changed it to 5-3 hoping there would be less women with theirs set to 5-10. Not really the case.
More soul searching. Definitely a numbers game, and I am thinking I need to be places where I will meet women in my age group. Maybe gym classes but yoga hurts too much.
Don’t put too much stock in these hight requirements. Most women do want taller men, but what they want from what they can actually get are two different things. Most women will compromise within a couple inches
It all sounded good at first but the reality is finding someone to spend your life with is no easy task. And I am thinking I should drop this idea altogether because I am feeling some bitterness that I am in this situation at all. I need to get over that.
I say don't waste your times the ones who say they want 5'10 if you are 5'8. 5'10 is far above the average height for the human male. I'd think at their age they'd realize that and not be so superficial.
Do you want someone so superficial?
They will know you lied about or fudged your height when they stand next to you.
I'm on both OurTime and Match (FYI...owned by the same company).
I don't think you can bypass height in your profile. You can put NA for things like education, income and political affiliation, but not height.
Stevie60, Think of OLD as a supplement to anything else you may be trying in real life. You'd be adding to your potential pool of prospects, not making it smaller. Besides, if women you are looking at want someone 5'10" to 6 foot, they are REALLY limiting their own potential prospects. If you become a paying member you could message them and say "I like your profile, seems like we'd be a good fit, but your height selection... is that a deal breaker?"
Don't fib about your own height. One man I met online listed 5'8" and he was maybe 5'4" on a good day. I was taller than him when I wore heels, and I'm 5'3"!! I called him out on it. His comeback was: "I'm not 5'8"? Well, my doctor must have made a mistake!"
My height selection online is 5'6" to 6'0". I don't want a really tall man as I'm already shrinking. Darn gravity!
Can I go by your handle and assume that you are 60? What about trying to meet somebody in real life? You are a widower, I think most people would consider that better than somebody that's been divorced a couple times.
The older you get, the bigger your dating pool becomes due to men generally dying earlier than women. See what activities your senior center has to offer. Take some classes. I took a bookbinding class, not to meet anybody as I'm happily married, but the entire class was nothing but women. My pottery class was all women as well. Yoga, Zumba, Tai Chi, all good places for meeting people. Don't worry about keeping up with the class. Just go at your own pace, and be Charming.
Check out local hiking groups. Women are leery of hiking alone and are more apt to be in a group. I think women do more group activities than men, making classes a good way to meet women. Even support groups for those that have lost their spouses might work for you.
My handle is a couple years old. I am 62. No idea how I got this old. I did not see this coming.
I am not so sure about the widower thing. I read that most of the scammers claim to be widowers so some women said if they see that they automatically move on to the next profile. And there are threads where some women will not date a widower for whatever reasons. Its hard to compete with a ghost. And it might be difficult for me to shut out how things used to be and live in the here and now with whoever.
I have tried a couple meet ups. So far they are not really my thing. One of them was about worshiping the moon or something like that. I was a little worried that I might be the sacrifice or part of the menu. And several of them seem to be just another way people promote their business or services. Another was in a Buddhist temple and that was okay but I am not into meditating so much. It seemed kind of sneaky to me. Are we there to learn about enlightenment and letting go of physical things and desires or are we there to meet someone? Eventually leading to physical things and desires?
The hiking, walking, cycling groups are appealing to me. Just have to wait for better weather. I have actually been working on my cycling so I can get my speed and endurance up. I don't want to be the slow one.
I guess I am in denial. I can't force myself to go to a senior center.
I tried a widow/widowers support group one time. They went around the room telling their tragic heartbreaking stories. I see no benefit to reliving all that on a weekly basis.
Online dating is difficult and I would suggest not taking it too seriously if that is what you want to try to meet new people. It is very pretentious and people tend to be very picky but if you see who they dated or were married to, it tells a different story.
First off, sorry on the passing of your wife. it took me four years before I felt ok to finally date after the passing of my fiance. Every time I tried to go out on a date I felt as if I was cheating and to me that signaled I wasn't really ready to date.
As far as OLD, when I did do it, I didn't lie about anything but then again I am 6' (GF is 5'10") so I am ok with the height. although I did run into a couple of women that was 6'2"+ lol
I would say, fib about the height right now, it isn't like you are going to meet someone the first day you start talking. And then wear cowboy boots..the heels for men! lol and if she says something say "Oh I must be shrinking as I get older".
Please do not get discouraged and just take it easy and think if OLD as talking first and then set up a casual meeting to see if things may progress. Good luck OP~!!!!
My handle is a couple years old. I am 62. No idea how I got this old. I did not see this coming.
I am not so sure about the widower thing. I read that most of the scammers claim to be widowers so some women said if they see that they automatically move on to the next profile. And there are threads where some women will not date a widower for whatever reasons. Its hard to compete with a ghost. And it might be difficult for me to shut out how things used to be and live in the here and now with whoever.
I have tried a couple meet ups. So far they are not really my thing. One of them was about worshiping the moon or something like that. I was a little worried that I might be the sacrifice or part of the menu. And several of them seem to be just another way people promote their business or services. Another was in a Buddhist temple and that was okay but I am not into meditating so much. It seemed kind of sneaky to me. Are we there to learn about enlightenment and letting go of physical things and desires or are we there to meet someone? Eventually leading to physical things and desires?
The hiking, walking, cycling groups are appealing to me. Just have to wait for better weather. I have actually been working on my cycling so I can get my speed and endurance up. I don't want to be the slow one.
I guess I am in denial. I can't force myself to go to a senior center.
I tried a widow/widowers support group one time. They went around the room telling their tragic heartbreaking stories. I see no benefit to reliving all that on a weekly basis.
I don't know if there's a MeetUp group similar to this one in your area, but after trying several groups (even grown women can be cliquish and petty), the one that I found that worked for me was called something like Fun for People Over Forty. It's a mixed group of couples and singles, men and women who do a broad variety of activities. Dancing, bowling, attending various free/inexpensive things around town, walking, hiking, biking, going out to eat. No fee to belong and you attend whatever events you'd like to attend; skip those that don't interest you. Suggestions by members are always welcome as the woman who started the group is game to do just about anything. I think that I'm one of the younger members in the group (I'm in my early forties), but the average age definitely skews quite a bit north of forty. There have been a few members who have met partners through the group, although that's definitely not the goal of the MeetUp. Most of us are there just to have fun and make a few new acquaintances/friends.
If nothing else, a MeetUp like that would get you out and about with other mentally and physically active people like yourself.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
