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Its been over two years since my wife passed. I am feeling like I may be up to try dating again. I tried over a year ago and I was not ready. Maybe today I am just fooling myself?
I have done a lot of soul searching as to what I want for the rest of my life. I know I do not want to be alone. I want to find one person to spend it with. So the last couple days I signed up to Ourtime and Match. I only signed up to be able to search profiles. I have not paid any money. There seems to be a learning curve to this. What the heck do all the colors and symbols mean?
So in looking thru the profiles I am getting hit up side the head with requirements as to what women are looking for. Great sounding profiles, good pictures but I am 5-8 and she wants 5-10 to 6 something. Even when I set my own height preference from 4-8 to 5-3. And its is most of them that want taller men. So right off the bat I am finding why OLD does not work for a lot of men. Under 5-10 and you are unlikely to show up in most searches.
It is what it is. I am certain that a lot of women have their own complaints about being automatically shut out by men for whatever reason that doesn't seem fair. My own search parameters are somewhat restrictive. We are who we are.
So I am trying to do the math, total number of women in my area in my age range times the number who will set parameters I don't measure up to, times the number who don't meet my own criteria, subtracting the ones who might be crazy, or multiple divorces, multiplied by the percentage of fake or long expired profiles.
And then subtracting those with ex's in anger management or due to be released, alcoholics, drug addicts, just plain drama queens. And then factoring in the ones who are scammers. Maybe the picture is his sister?
It all sounded good at first but the reality is finding someone to spend your life with is no easy task. And I am thinking I should drop this idea altogether because I am feeling some bitterness that I am in this situation at all. I need to get over that.
Its been over two years since my wife passed. I am feeling like I may be up to try dating again. I tried over a year ago and I was not ready. Maybe today I am just fooling myself?
I have done a lot of soul searching as to what I want for the rest of my life. I know I do not want to be alone. I want to find one person to spend it with. So the last couple days I signed up to Ourtime and Match. I only signed up to be able to search profiles. I have not paid any money. There seems to be a learning curve to this. What the heck do all the colors and symbols mean?
So in looking thru the profiles I am getting hit up side the head with requirements as to what women are looking for. Great sounding profiles, good pictures but I am 5-8 and she wants 5-10 to 6 something. Even when I set my own height preference from 4-8 to 5-3. And its is most of them that want taller men. So right off the bat I am finding why OLD does not work for a lot of men. Under 5-10 and you are unlikely to show up in most searches.
It is what it is. I am certain that a lot of women have their own complaints about being automatically shut out by men for whatever reason that doesn't seem fair. My own search parameters are somewhat restrictive. We are who we are.
So I am trying to do the math, total number of women in my area in my age range times the number who will set parameters I don't measure up to, times the number who don't meet my own criteria, subtracting the ones who might be crazy, or multiple divorces, multiplied by the percentage of fake or long expired profiles.
And then subtracting those with ex's in anger management or due to be released, alcoholics, drug addicts, just plain drama queens. And then factoring in the ones who are scammers. Maybe the picture is his sister?
It all sounded good at first but the reality is finding someone to spend your life with is no easy task. And I am thinking I should drop this idea altogether because I am feeling some bitterness that I am in this situation at all. I need to get over that.
In other words, take a break.
I feel a lot of frustration towards OLD comes form people trying to control elements of relationships they CANNOT control.
Just set your profile to 5'10", chat her up for a while, and them when she's already in love with you she will get over the fact that you're two inches shorter.
So lie about my height? I read some stuff and they do recommend that you lie about things. Especially height and then just wear lifting shoes? I am being honest because I don't want to have to deal with it at a later time.
We cannot control what someone else is thinking or wanting. We can only control how we deal with ourselves and our reactions to our surroundings. It is a struggle.
Its been over two years since my wife passed. I am feeling like I may be up to try dating again. I tried over a year ago and I was not ready. Maybe today I am just fooling myself?
I have done a lot of soul searching as to what I want for the rest of my life. I know I do not want to be alone. I want to find one person to spend it with. So the last couple days I signed up to Ourtime and Match. I only signed up to be able to search profiles. I have not paid any money. There seems to be a learning curve to this. What the heck do all the colors and symbols mean?
So in looking thru the profiles I am getting hit up side the head with requirements as to what women are looking for. Great sounding profiles, good pictures but I am 5-8 and she wants 5-10 to 6 something. Even when I set my own height preference from 4-8 to 5-3. And its is most of them that want taller men. So right off the bat I am finding why OLD does not work for a lot of men. Under 5-10 and you are unlikely to show up in most searches.
It is what it is. I am certain that a lot of women have their own complaints about being automatically shut out by men for whatever reason that doesn't seem fair. My own search parameters are somewhat restrictive. We are who we are.
So I am trying to do the math, total number of women in my area in my age range times the number who will set parameters I don't measure up to, times the number who don't meet my own criteria, subtracting the ones who might be crazy, or multiple divorces, multiplied by the percentage of fake or long expired profiles.
And then subtracting those with ex's in anger management or due to be released, alcoholics, drug addicts, just plain drama queens. And then factoring in the ones who are scammers. Maybe the picture is his sister?
It all sounded good at first but the reality is finding someone to spend your life with is no easy task. And I am thinking I should drop this idea altogether because I am feeling some bitterness that I am in this situation at all. I need to get over that.
It seems that you're still in the thick of grieving for your wife; what was lost. Grief never truly ends as you know all-too-well, but hopefully with time the scar left behind will heal enough for you to be able to move forward into a new relationship. From previous posts I've gathered that, with the exception of the years that you acted as a caretaker for your wife during her illness, you had a beautiful marriage (and that your wife would be a tough act to follow, which is such a high compliment to her and the life that you built together).
On the topic of dating, not all women are as shallow as many seem to be online. You take care of your physical health and you don't seem to carry any bitterness towards women. You're still engaged with the world. All three of those are highly attractive qualities, in my opinion. As for the height: plenty of taller ladies are willing to go out with men who are somewhat shorter than themselves if there are other attractive qualities present (which you seem to have). As a woman who's not far off from being six feet tall myself with a penchant for wearing high heels, I've never been put off by a man of your height or even a bit shorter as it would be silly to limit my options because of something so silly as a difference in height. There are surely others who feel the same way re: seeing a man who is shorter than themselves. Just don't lie about either your height or age as that *is* unattractive (and poor advice).
At the end of the day, from what I've gathered from both other posters and friends who have done online dating with variable results, it's largely a numbers game and a touch of luck. If you feel up to meeting new women, keep at it and see what happens. Take a break from it as needed.
So lie about my height? I read some stuff and they do recommend that you lie about things. Especially height and then just wear lifting shoes?
Yes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevie60
We cannot control what someone else is thinking or wanting. We can only control how we deal with ourselves and our reactions to our surroundings. It is a struggle.
That's the thing. People don't REALLY know what they want. At first they want EVERYTHING because they think they can get it.
They will have a long list of "requirements" but when push comes to shove, there is a brief list of must-haves that they really care about. Once the feelings are there, the superficial wants will fade away.
Now, I'm not saying lie about your height to the point that you are 5'3" pretending to be 6 feet tall. But if you really are only two inches shorter than their "requirement," then yes, fudge it.
Think about when you're looking for a house. If your max price is $500K, you aren't going to look at houses UP TO $500K. You will look at some lower and some a bit higher, with the thought that the sellers might come down a bit in price. The same principle applies here.
It's not the kind of lie that makes you a sociopath. It's how you work this stupidly insane online dating mania that has tricked people into believing they can order a partner like they can order a product off Amazon.
Unless someone has an actual height fetish, 2 inches should not be a dealbreaker, especially in your age group.
Just set your profile to 5'10", chat her up for a while, and them when she's already in love with you she will get over the fact that you're two inches shorter.
I am serious.
True story, I just noticed, and it doesn’t matter. Half my 100 pair of shoes and boots don’t have even 1” heels. So I wore those!
I don’t think you should lie about your height or put in your own height restriction.
Not all women are into tall guys. I’m not, for instance. I also wouldn’t fit in your current search as I’m 5’4”.
I would notice you’d lied when I met you, and find the lie unappealing.
I’m thinking if they just don’t say anything about height, either way. I don’t even remember right now, if I listed height restrictions, I just make a decision by the message and the face. I actually sometimes message “I like your face”.
Last edited by RbccL; 01-02-2019 at 10:28 PM..
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