It seems young people think attractiveness scales are real indicators (date, Asian)

[ellybelly83]

Originally Posted by Steve Tamale

One of my favorite lines: "On a scale of 1 to 10 you are a 9 and I'm 1 you need."

That's freaking adorable.

I have frequently dated less attractive men, my friends and family members and even the guys themselves ask me what i see in them, and i always say the same thing. They don't see what i see.

Like sonic i was raised with a mother that told me to be beautiful i had to be thin, pale and know when to keep my mouth shut. I grew up to be an outspoken opinionated woman with boobs and ass and loves being outdoors. Sometimes i look in the mirror and still see myself as the ugly duckling but if i told anyone i felt that way they'd call me crazy.

[Chowhound]

I get what the OP is trying to say here that looks are subjective in terms of what really rocks your world.

The scale thingy is just a way of spotting out what "hot" chicks are to a particular guy.

I've heard my whole life growing up when a group of guys see a good looking woman or make references to women that they would say "Man, dude, she was a 9" or whatever. Usually this kind of lingo and references to women like that are typically younger men in casual settings. Older men or men in general aren't going around holding up score cards and the like, but to say that "scales' of some kind aren't used is being naïve.

I've always like women that don't fit into the "slammed down your throat" idea of what female beauty is supposed to be. It's sickening to me the way the fashion, beauty and movie industry tells us what "beautiful" is. Not everyone likes skinny tall blonde haired women, and really no offense to those woman and the people who enjoy them, I'm just saying that there's lids for every pot and all.

[Weaponized_Funk]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

I'm just saying that there's lids for every pot and all.

The crux is that you gotta find your lid before you're too old and/or dead... and some pots have exponentially more lid options than others.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Weaponized_Funk

The crux is that you gotta find your lid before you're too old and/or dead... and some pots have exponentially more lid options than others.

lol! I can't argue with this.

[homina12]

Originally Posted by Weaponized_Funk

The crux is that you gotta find your lid before you're too old and/or dead... and some pots have exponentially more lid options than others.

This stuff can be hard to talk about without seeming insensitive. I think lid options., many or few, is a good way to go.

[greatblueheron]

Originally Posted by creepy

It seems young people think attractiveness scales are real indicators of value

Hi, I am married for 25 years. I have been on the relationships forums because I find it interesting. I recently heard of the whole incel thing (invountary celibates) and am fascinated by it. Aside from that, I see on here a lot that people use the attractiveness scale in a serious way and it makes me kinda sad.

It seem many of the ideas from waaaay back when I was dating are not talked about and it seems like folks are too focused on their supposed looks vs. their potential dates looks.

We always were told things like "there is someone for everyone", "personality is what really matters", "be attractive and clean but don't focus on your looks".

I think those are still great goals. I think they are still true.

I think the things that really makes me wonder where people are getting mixed up is when I hear a guy say he is a "4" on the attractive scale and he thinks girls that are "8's" won't like them.

There is no real number on a scale, it is virtual because attractiveness is relative, subjective, that is what some people don't seem to be understanding. Like the old adage "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", its dang true!

I hear in the incel groups they think Chads take 80% of the females and the Chads are 8-10 on the attractiveness scale. Sorry that is just BS, Chads are probably putting that out there themselves to try and get more girls.

They did a bunch of scientific studies and by the time we are 8 years old we know what we find attractive, no scale or beauty contest will tell you or a potential partner who is most attractive unless they choose based on objectivity and then they are some kind of mixed up weirdo.

For example, I have always liked mean without large muscles, skinny guys with brown hair and brown eyes, always! I don't care if some guy is some contest winner with blonde hair and big muscles, yes I can see he is attractive in a general way, BUT NOT TO ME!

After getting attracted, then the individuals' personalities need to intermingle and see where things go. Just cause someone is attractive to me sometimes the second they speak I know it is a no, because they are seedy, disgusting lecherous, etc. So more weeding out goes on and this is mutual, a guy is hopefully doing the same thing to the prospective girl. Or if gay the other person of the same sex.

So, the guys who keep thinking they can't get a girl because they are a 4 and she is an 8, that is just BS usually-have hope. In her mind you may be the 8 and she may see herself as a 6.

Don't let your online support groups be actually tearing you down and feeding you BS about the laws of attraction.

So true....ignore the numbers young people, go with how you feel around someone, how they treat you...

[tribecavsbrowns]

Originally Posted by timberline742

I've only heard this scale thing on online. I've never known anyone to actually speak in this manner.

You've never heard another man say something like, "she's a 10?" Do you hang out with eunuchs or something? I mean, I know you have a tendency in these discussions to claim an experience on a particular point that happens to be 180 degrees from virtually every other guy on here, but this one takes the cake. Do tell more about this world you operate in where men don't rate the looks (and to a lesser extent, other factors) of women.

I mean, I didn't come in here intending to call you out, but good God. Online is the only place you've heard men rate women. Okay.

[homina12]

Originally Posted by tribecavsbrowns

You've never heard another man say something like, "she's a 10?" Do you hang out with eunuchs or something? I mean, I know you have a tendency in these discussions to claim an experience on a particular point that happens to be 180 degrees from virtually every other guy on here, but this one takes the cake. Do tell more about this world you operate in where men don't rate the looks (and to a lesser extent, other factors) of women.

I mean, I didn't come in here intending to call you out, but good God. Online is the only place you've heard men rate women. Okay.

I went to an all boys HS, and the nearby all girls school, or a few girls from there anyway, rated our senior yearbook pictures on the 1-10 scale. In 1975.

The topic gets worn out online, and often given a credence it doesn't deserve, I'd agree.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by tribecavsbrowns

You've never heard another man say something like, "she's a 10?" Do you hang out with eunuchs or something? I mean, I know you have a tendency in these discussions to claim an experience on a particular point that happens to be 180 degrees from virtually every other guy on here, but this one takes the cake. Do tell more about this world you operate in where men don't rate the looks (and to a lesser extent, other factors) of women.

I mean, I didn't come in here intending to call you out, but good God. Online is the only place you've heard men rate women. Okay.

In middle school and maybe high school, people would say something like that, when talking about someone in SI Swimsuit issue. Never past then.


But seriously, you and your dude friends say, she's a 7, I'm an 8? Or She's a 5, and she's a 7?


Nah, even in locker rooms we never talked like that.


Now, she's hot or fine or has a great azz? Yeah, sure, that used to be said a lot in high school and even college. But numbering, as an adult? Nope. And thank god, that's really a pretty damn dehumanizing way to talk about people. I'm really glad I don't know or am not friends with those people.

Originally Posted by homina12

I went to an all boys HS, and the nearby all girls school, or a few girls from there anyway, rated our senior yearbook pictures on the 1-10 scale. In 1975.

The topic gets worn out online, and often given a credence it doesn't deserve, I'd agree.

Yeah, high school, that makes sense. Esp at a single sex school.

[picardlx]

I've made reference to the scale IRL but only in friendly self deprecating way.